Scott Shaw - Lets Elope: The Definitive Guide to Eloping, Destination Weddings, and Other Creative Wedding Options

Introduction

At first I thought it was a mistake. A half hour of earnest searching in my local Barnes and Noble had yielded 100-plus books on how to plan a nice, traditional wedding. Beautiful coffee table books on wedding flowers, thick wedding organizers with two checklists per chapter, even three different books on how to give a wedding toast. But nothing on elopement. Not even a mention in Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (though she does tell you how to wear a Phi Beta Kappa key and how to behave when youre a guest at the White House).

This doesnt make sense, I told my fiance. A zillion people must elope every year. Do you think they just wing it?

Perhaps theyre just sold out of eloping books, she suggested. Lets ask at the counter.

Hmmm Im sure we must have something, the clerk said, frowning, as he peered into the computer screen. Some friends just eloped and they couldnt plan a reception at McDonaldsthey must have gotten some help.

We chose not to take his remarks personally. Were per- fectly capable adults and felt sure we could have figured it out ourselves in a pinch. But why reinvent the wheel? Why not grab a few helpful hints on how to do it, maybe some ideas about where to go, and definitely some advice on how to handle our parents. Not to mention the whole etiquette thing. What are you supposed to do about announcements? And whats the deal with gifts when you elope? One of us had been married before, but all the hoopla and rules surrounding that event didnt seem to apply to eloping.

Sorry I guess no ones written a book on eloping, the clerk said finally.

Bingo! The lightbulb lit up. Thirty minutes later, after a quick search at Amazon.com produced the same result zilch!Id found my calling for the next year (after my own elopement and honeymoon, of course).

Eloping, I quickly discovered, is like politics. Everyone has an opinion on the subject. The first four people my fiance and I talked toour parentscertainly did. To our surprise, they liked the idea very much. We found lots of elopement fans, in fact, including a large number of couples that wish they had eloped. Others on their way to the altar wouldnt consider the subject, although sometimes their fiancs and parents perked up when they heard what we were working on! Couldnt you just print a draft and leave it lying around? they asked. Maybe hell read it and change his mind. We also discovered that as with politics, there are a great many undecideds out there; couples that like the idea but that are concerned they might regret skipping the Big Traditional Wedding.

My co-writer, Lynn, and I wrote this book with the needs of these different audiences in mind. It is largely a how-to guide, with a sprinkling of true-life stories and collected wisdom. Those of you born to elope can skip right to the practical stuff. If youre undecided, you might want to look at all the hybrid elopement-wedding options we describe; couples are having more fun than you could imagine reinventing (breaking?) the rules every day. And those of you who assume youll end up with a big wedding should pay special attention to chapter 1, Why You Should Elope. Read it carefully.

Why do we want to change someones mind about something so personal? For a simple, compelling reason: not a single person we interviewed had a moments regret about eloping. Not one. Whether they eloped for fun, to save money, or to stave off family conflicts, they all wereand still aredelighted with their choice. We agree wholeheartedly: keep it simple, have fun, and be yourself.

Scott Shaw

A Word About Stereotypes

It is difficult to write about eloping, weddings, and families without bumping into the classic stereotypes: the overeager bride; the inattentive whatever-you-want groom; the mother of the bride intent on throwing the wedding she never had; or the desperate-to-avoid-conflict father of the bride (or the status-conscious father who views the wedding as a business networking event). None of these stereotypes are wholly true, and yet there is enough truth that we still recognize them.