Kendra Frazier - Nightingale Songs

Survival Stories

From

Domestic Violence

Kendra

Copyright 2011 Marshall Cavendish International (Asia) Private Limited

Design by Bernard Go Kwang Meng.

Cover image courtesy of Asif Akbar (asifthebes/SXC.hu)

Published by Marshall Cavendish Editions

An imprint of Marshall Cavendish International

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National Library Board Singapore Cataloguing in Publication Data

Kendra, 1963

Nightingale songs : survival stories from domestic violence / Kendra. Singapore :

Marshall Cavendish Editions, c2011.

p. cm.

eISBN : 978-981-4408-82-0

1. Family violence Singapore. 2. Spousal abuse Singapore.

3. Victims of family violence Singapore. 4. Family counselors Singapore. 5. Social workers Singapore. 6. Family social work Singapore. I. Title.

HV6626.23

362.8292095957 -- dc22 OCN747090525

Printed in Singapore by Fabulous Printers Pte Ltd

FOR MY SON, RAJA,

AND FOR EVERY CHILD.

Remember you are always free to
choose what you believe about
yourself and what you believe has
power.
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
Mahatma Gandhi

A Guide On Dealing With Family Violence:
Everyone deserves a safe, violence-free home

My heartfelt gratitude goes to Kerry Wilcock whose support and knowledgeable input was incremental in imagineering this book project and bringing it to fruition. Kerry you were my rock and compass and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Deepest appreciation also goes to all those who agreed to be interviewed on this sensitive and personal topic. I wish that your stories help carve a better future, in whatever ways, big or small, for those who read these pages and for all citizens of Singapore. I was profoundly touched by each and every interview by your honesty, trust, fortitude, commitment and willingness to share. You are deserving of Singapores respect and I thank you most sincerely for your courageous contributions.

I would also like to express thankfulness to AWARE, especially Margaret Thomas, for showing confidence in this project and for devoting time and energy to help bring it all together. Likewise, I greatly appreciate the time and attention Corinna Lim devoted to the AWARE chapter, providing practical tips and other valuable information for Singaporean readers. Without AWARE, the subject matter contained in these pages may not have come to public light. I am so very pleased that AWAREs leadership recognized the potential power of these stories and was willing to get involved.

With equal appreciation, I would like to acknowledge Marshall Cavendish and, specifically, Lee Mei Lin who believed in the importance of this project and had the trust and patience to see it through to its completion.

And, last but certainly not least, I would like to thank my husband and children for their understanding and support, and for the many hours they honoured my engagement with this material. You allowed me to pursue my goal from start to finish without complaint and with much tolerance, what can I say except, I love you and feel blessed!

Kendra

September 2011

Unity is a powerful virtue and
it brings great strength. Unity is
inclusiveness. It brings people
together. We see our commonality
without devaluing our differences.
We experience our connectedness
with all people and all life. Unity
frees us from the divisiveness of
prejudice and heals our fears. We
refuse to engage in conflict, seeking
peace in all circumstances. Unity
comes when we value every person,
in our family or in our world. The joy
of one is the joy of all. The hurt of
one is the hurt of all. The honour
of one is the honour of all.
The Virtues Project

BY PORTIA NELSON

I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in.

I am lost ... I am helpless.

It isnt my fault.

It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I dont see it.

I fall in again.

I cant believe I am in the same place

but, it isnt my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in ... its a habit.

my eyes are open

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters Copyright 1993, by Portia Nelson, from the book Theres a Hole in My Sidewalk. Reprinted with permission from Beyond Words Publishing, Hillsboro, Oregon.

In a multicultural society like Singapore, where respect for family privacy and tolerance of cultural differences are highly valued, people might hesitate to enter into dialogue about intimate matters such as family violence. Viewed from a human rights perspective, however, the international community offers universal statements pertinent to this subject. A brief read through The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child leaves no doubt that all societies have an obligation to protect their children from harm, whether danger be found in the streets, in schools or in the privacy of their homes. To safeguard our worlds most vulnerable populations, the nations of the world have agreed in writing that: