To the obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) sufferer, this condition others you. It separates you from the people you love, work with, confide in, or just pass on the street. It tells you that your thoughts and feelings are wrong and gross, and everyone else must just be in on a joke you cant hear. In Thriving in Relationships When You Have OCD , Amy Mariaskin expertly demonstrates how to navigate and reconnect to the relationships impacted by the disorder. She brilliantly balances the compassion for those suffering with a charm and humor that never condescends. The book is an easy read that also takes the time to explore the often-confusing nuances of OCD, such as the relationship between avoidance and compulsive behavior. In this book, Mariaskin has identified a missing piece of the self-help literature and readers will find their OCD much less puzzling as a result.
Jon Hershfield, MFT , director of The Center for OCD and Anxiety at Sheppard Pratt
If OCD is taking over your relationships, this book offers hope and guidance. Amy Mariaskin provides tools and suggestions for how to thrive in relationships based on the best available treatment for OCDexposure and response prevention (ERP). This fantastic book fills a significant gap in the field, and I will be recommending it to my own clients!
Jonathan S. Abramowitz, PhD , professor, and director of clinical training at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
OCD can impact relationships, and the quality of those relationships. Thats why this book is so important. Amy Mariaskin has been a guest on my podcast for many years because of her insight and caring nature. Her new book aims to help you navigate many things, including the trap of reassurance and the pain that follows avoidance, while moving toward meaningful relationships of all kinds.
Stuart Ralph , psychotherapist for children and young people, and host of The OCD Stories podcast
I discovered within these pages a more robust vocabulary to communicate with the people I love, and a deeper appreciation for the incredible OCD community to which I belong. My story was reflected back to me with warmth, empathy, and humor. I am incredibly grateful for this book!
Jason Adam Katzenstein , New Yorker cartoonist, and author of Everything Is an Emergency
A life well lived has rich, meaningful, and caring relationships with others! And yet, when a person struggles with obsessions, this basic need and natural capacity for connection are affected by confusion, doubt, and shame. But there is hope; there are skills you can learn to discover deeper intimacy with the ones that matter in your life.
Relationships, all of them, are the ultimate unknown. In this book, Amy Mariaskin will show you how to navigate relationship anxiety and obsessive doubts without losing yourselfin a compassionate and actionable way. There will be ups and downs in this learning process, and Mariaskin will prepare you to navigate all of those moments so you can thrive in your relationships. This is a must-read book for anyone dealing with OCD that wants to experience rich and fulfilling connections!
Patricia E. Zurita Ona, PsyD , author of Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors and Living Beyond OCD
The impact of OCD extends well beyond the individual with the disorder. Obsessions may be private events, but the attempt to cope with obsessions involves behavior that can significantly affect the lives of family, friends, and others. Amy Mariaskins book eloquently explains the interpersonal damage that can be associated with OCD, and offers sound advice for promoting healthy relationships despite the challenges of OCD. Her book is a valuable contribution to the literature that will be immensely helpful to people with OCD and to the people who care about them as well.
C. Alec Pollard, PhD , professor emeritus of family and community medicine at Saint Louis University School of Medicine, and founding director of the Center for OCD & Anxiety-Related Disorders at Saint Louis Behavioral Medicine Institute
Publishers Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
New Harbinger Publications is an employee-owned company.
Copyright 2022 by Amy Mariaskin
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
All Rights Reserved
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen; Edited by Brady Kahn
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Mariaskin, Amy, author.
Title: Thriving in relationships when you have OCD : how to keep obsessions and compulsions from sabotaging love, friendship, and family connections / Amy Mariaskin, PhD.
Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2022028217 | ISBN 9781648480584 (trade paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal relations. | Obsessive-compulsive disorder. | Families.
Classification: LCC HM1106 .M373 2022 | DDC 616.85/227--dc23/eng/20220811
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022028217
To anyone with OCD who has felt alone.
May you find your people within these pages and out in the world.
Contents
Foreword
One of the highlights of my career has been helping people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. People with OCD are courageous, incredibly smart, and mind-blowingly creative and witty. Simply put, they are my kind of people.
During their OCD treatment, clients often come to the session with a dilemma about one of their relationships. Maybe the difficulty is with a friend, family member, roommate, colleague, or intimate partner. They report feeling unsure of how to handle specific relationship situations because, in the past, their OCD has been 100 percent in the drivers seat, reminding them of the many possible scary outcomes that could occur. OCD has also been their rulemaker, forcing them to act only in response to fear, doubt, and uncertainty. But now that they are determined to overcome their OCD, they must find another way.
In these cases, I ask, What would you do in this situation if anxiety or uncertainty was not present? This is such a magical question!
Almost every time, they respond with a similar, yet original, answer: Id ask them on a date even despite my fears that theyll say no. Id go to the party on Saturday night. Of course, I would still have intrusive thoughts, but I wouldnt treat my thoughts as if they were important. Instead of avoiding eye contact, Id do my best to initiate a conversation with that work colleague. Id be more open with my partner. I would trust myself more.
Im guessing you picked up this book because OCD has done precisely what OCD always doesimpacted the things you value the most. OCD may have stolen your time and your confidence, holding you back from engaging in many different relationships throughout your life. OCD may have made you feel like an outsider, making it hard to connect with others. OCD may have convinced you that you are not worthy of relationships or love. If this has been the case for you, please know that you are not alone.