Kaitlin Soulé - A Little Less of a Hot Mess: The Modern Moms Guide to Growth & Evolution

Copyright 2022 by Kaitlin Soul.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.

ISBN: 978-1-951412-41-8

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-951412-66-1

LCCN: 2021911087

Cover design by Andrea Kelly.

Interior design by AJ Hansen.

Typesetting by Maureen Forys, Happenstance Type-O-Rama.

The Collective Book Studio

Oakland, California

www.thecollectivebook.studio

This book is dedicated to my three beautiful children, Mia, Alex, and Jack... you are everything beautiful about this world. May you carry home with you in your heart, always remember who you are, and live your life in a way that feels authentic and free to you. Tony, the love of my life, thank you for being exactly who you are, and for loving me for exactly who I am. Mom and Dad, thank you, endlessly, for giving me both roots and wings, unconditional love, and for encouraging me to dream big. To the women brave enough to go on a growth journey, even when it feels impossible to find the time or space, remember that you were born beautiful and holding everything you need to be brilliantly you.

Tell me, what will you do with this one wild and precious life?

Mary Oliver

I am writing this book from a place of my own (imperfect) evolution. I picked one of my favorite quotes, by Mary Oliver, because it says so much in so few wordsthe idea that the opportunity to live a big, full, wild, and precious life is there for the taking... but only if were willing to grab it. I am writing this book as I am actively learning to listen to my own intuition, to stay still enough to hear my own voice, and to challenge the ways of thinking and being that hold me back from living in alignment with my values. I am writing this book because I believe women want a more intuitive way to evolve and grow, and ultimately feel more at home in their own skin and with their REAL selves. All too often, women are made to feel like we have to be perfect at parenting, in our careers, and in our relationships in order to be worthy... Im here to call bullshit on that nonsense. I believe that if we arent living imperfectly, we arent truly living at all.

Listen, Im no stranger to the life of a hot mess mom; sometimes I think I might have written the book on it. Through lots of trial and error, and some futile attempts to be something other than who I am, I have learned that I can still be a great mom, therapist, change-maker, wife, friend, and human and not have all my shit together. Ive also learned that I can be a little less of a hot mess by doing my own personal growth workby slowing down and turning inward (instead of outward), practicing sitting with lifes massive uncertainty, taking smaller steps toward bigger change, and choosing to lead with my core values.

As a therapist who specializes in helping women do the work of healing and change, and as a mother who is navigating life with three young children, I know how uncertain, challenging, beautiful, and chaotic life can feel. Ive lived the crazy, Ive heard (all) the crazy, and I know that at the end of the day were all really just on a quest to find a piece of ground we can stand on that feels like our own, that feels both peaceful and joyful... and I believe its our right to find that space. The belief that we need to be broken in order to seek help when it comes to our mental or emotional health keeps SO many of us from doing the work of getting unstuck and living well... this sick model of mental health is stale and in need of reform. You arent broken if youre wanting a better way forwardinstead, youre paying attention... youre alive! We owe it to ourselves to commit to evolving, not because we are sick, but because we all get stuck sometimes, and we want to get unstuck and find a better way forward.

From where I sit, growth, evolution, therapeutic work (whatever we choose to call it) is a process of rewriting, restoring, and reclaiming. When we look at our past, where weve been and what we learned about ourselves, we are able to revise and rewrite a better way forward. When we restore our relationship with the woman in the mirror (who we are now), we reconnect with our purpose and get clear on our values and the kind of life we want to live! When we do the work of rewriting and restoring, we are freer to take imperfect action and reclaim our voice, our purpose, and take up MORE meaningful space in the world! Personal growth is about staying curious: taking a wide-lens view of ourselves and our life with an open mind, and then identifying some things that arent working for us anymore so that we can make the changes we need to make in order to move through the world freely and wholeheartedly.

Im going to hit you with a truth bomb herewe dont just owe it to ourselves to grow and evolve, but we owe it to our children, too. As the famous psychologist Carl Jung said, The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents. As women, we are often made to feel guilty for our own evolution, as though its one big inconvenience for everyone around us. But lets consider this: if we dont show our children that their growth doesnt have to stop after they stop physically growing, who will? Lets also consider this: if we dont allow ourselves to evolve, and we stay stuck in negativity, darkness, or sameness out of fear... then what price will our children pay? Lets start this book journey together with the acknowledgment that we dont want our children to suffer due to our unwillingness to look at our own, for lack of better word, shit! This book is intended to invite you into the process of getting unstuck in the places you need to SO that you can grow and evolve, both because you deserve to live a big, full, awesome life and because your children need to see you doing that in order for them to have permission to do the same.

OK, cool, lets proceed.

On the quest to find or redefine ourselves, we often get lost or feel stuck. We are inundated with tips and tools when it comes to our physical and emotional health, but hear thisif those messages are making you feel worse, you arent alone. Heres why: while probably delivered with good intention, there are some real issues when it comes to the messages put out there in todays version of the personal development space; they are often empty and rigid. Apparently, I just cut right to the chase there. But seriously... I dont want to be sold another product or clean eating challenge that will take away all my problems and, if Im lucky, a few pounds too. Why? Because Im going to drop the ball. Im not going to stick with it and then Im going to slip into all kinds of self-loathing and feelings of not being enough.

I am not saying every piece of advice on social media is bad; in fact, Ive learned a lot in that space, and I think if used mindfully (which is freaking hard sometimes) there is some good stuff there. I am saying that we dont need any more for-profit businesses trying to tell us whats going to make us feel good and whole and then have us feel like were failing when we dont live up to the rigid expectations put forth by, Im going to go out on a limb here, a white male at the top of a pyramid scheme. And what does it mean to just be positive, or cut out the people in my life who dont understand me? Lets pull back the reins a bit. It all just seems a little extreme and, yes, unrealistic. The truth is, we dont need to be told how to be the best version of ourselves; we need to grant ourselves the permission to open our minds and hearts to the opportunity to imperfectly evolve. In order to truly evolve, we need to be willing to get uncomfortable and unlearn some things that have gotten in our way.