Frank Cerabino - I Dink, Therefore I Am: Coming to Grips with My Pickleball Addiction

You can certainly enjoy life without ever having played pickleball, but I wouldnt recommend it.

For Jo, my partner before, during and after pickleball.

And to Pat Crowley, the gifted cartoonist, illustrator and friend who helped make my words come alive with his imaginative drawings in this book.

Joining the cult

M aybe you bought this book on your own, or maybe somebody gave it to you along with a new set of paddles and some funny looking plastic balls with lots of holes in them.

Either way, welcome to the club. Youve been pickleballed.

Dont be insulted. It isnt necessarily a subtle suggestion that you should lose 10 pounds or take a break from knitting or bread making.

Its just that pickleball has become a thing. Theres no sport growing faster in America than pickleball.

And its not only happening to broken-down old tennis players and people living behind guard gates in communities with names that evoke the French Riviera or the Amalfi Coast, but are actually built on reclaimed swamp land or scorched desert floor.

We are living through a yet-to-crest pickleball wave, you might say, and as somebody who has been swept away, I want to tell you about it. To evangelize even.

Im sorry. I cant help myself. I keep thinking about you, the new playeror at least the potential new playerwho has been browbeaten into cultural recreational compliance.

Sure, maybe it wasnt your idea to get those paddles. (Yes, theyre called paddles in pickleball. Rackets are what tennis players hold.)

And maybe you think you have the kind of limited hand-eye coordination and lack of fast-twitch muscle command that makes court games a challenge.

But it doesnt matter. Trust me on this. Unless youre in an iron lung, you can play this game and enjoy it. And my guess is that within a few years, USA Pickelball will be offering an iron-lung division at tournaments.

Its a very inclusive game, and with more than 4 million people playing it in America, more than 1 percent of the entire population, youre bound to cross paths with three other people at your skill level to round out a fun foursome.

So yes, Im doing this to encourage you. But Im not one of those 5.0 superstar players who gets paid to endorse a certain ball or paddle. I dont have a podcast.

And Ive never posted a pickleball instructional YouTube video sponsored by Hylands Leg Cramps tablets.

Im kind of like you. At least I was until March 2020 when I first became enthralled with pickleball. It was, coincidentally, the year I also turned 65-years-old, making me a card-carrying member of the class of people who get called sir, by wisenheimers who are in their 50s.

Would a psychiatrist say my headlong tumble into pickleball is the manifestation of my fear of death? I dont know. Probably.

But I would have a question for that psychiatrist.

Have you ever tried playing pickleball?

And if the answer is No, then Id say this:

Well, that explains why you would ask such a silly question. Because if you tried pickleball youd probably say it was the most fun you had standing up.

And then Id come in for the slam to this pop-up question.

Youd have to be crazy not to like pickleball, Id tell that psychiatrist, who might be smart, but probably clueless when it comes to dinking.

Oh, dinking is one of those pickleball words. Relax, I explain it in the book, along with a lot of other introductory things that will make your first forays to the pickleball court more enjoyable.

Heres the way I picture it. For reasons previously explained, you ended up with paddles, balls and this book with the expectation that you will find one of Americas 8,700 pickleball courts to give it a try.

And so, you put this book on your toilet tank, perhaps the most important book shelf in every home. And over time, these pages will both bolster your courage and give you an idea of the world you are entering.

And then one day, Fly, little bird, fly! you burst from the couchgently, you dont want to blow out a hammyand onto a pickleball court wearing a pair of shorts you wished were two inches longer. And for the first time in your life, you utter those profound words for all the world to hear:

Zero, zero, two.

Oh, excuse me, Im getting verklempt. Im going to have to pause to dab at the corners of my eyes and blow my nose.

Sorry, I get emotional when thinking about pickleball.

I know. I should know better. Its a game with a silly name, and when you first see it being played in your local park, it may look more like a movie set for Honey, I Shrunk the Ping-Pong Players.

But theres more than meets the eye with pickleball. I try to give you a sense of that in this book to validate your decision to get out there.

In that respect, this is less a how to book than a why to book.

Along the way, I do dispense some playing tips. But like I said, Im not a pro. Im mired in blissful mediocrity.

And Id like to clue you into its pleasures.

Im confident I can get you to feel good about that new set of paddles waiting to be used. And to discover, if youre like me, that pickleball can become a habit that youre not willing to shake.

So, congratulations. Youre on the precipice of joining the cult.

Game on.

1

The Pickleball Evangelist

I remember the day it dawned on me that I had a problem.

Up until then, I had managed to live 65 years of my life without falling to the usual addictions: YouTube pet videos, reality TV shows based on tropical islands, or food samples at Costco.

If I had a motto, it would be something along the lines of, Everything in moderation.