Debra Newell - Surviving Dirty John

Contents

Praise for Surviving Dirty John

Debra Newells journey, her tale of survival, and her openness in sharing her story, is awe inspiring. By helping the world better understand the twisted manipulative power of coercive control, she is helping us all to identify it. By sharing her story, she has created a pathway for communication in a corridor that has for too long been dimly lit.

Eric Bana

Debra is a true survivor. You may think you know her story, but you dontand you should. This really could happen to anyone. Coercive control has many guises and faces and is much more common than you think. This book may just save your life.

Laura Richards, criminal behavioral analyst, coercive control and stalking expert, formerly with New Scotland Yard

God bless Debbie Newell, my fellow warrior in the fight against the silent and shame-fueled epidemic of intimate partner violence/domestic violence. God bless you, Debbie, for writing Surviving Dirty John and not being shamed into silence by half-truths and mischaracterizations of your hellish journey with the monster, John Meehan. God bless you for having the strength to survive and become more than a victim, more than a survivor. By having the courage to share your real story in Surviving Dirty John, you are saving many lives and stopping much suffering. I am so proud to call you friend! Well done, Debbie and M. William Phelps!

Robin McGraw, author and founder of When Georgia Smiled Foundation

Debras book is a must-read for anyone who has experienced trauma in their life, has loved someone who has experienced trauma, or is in the helping professions working to heal trauma with clients. Her honest and gripping account of her experiences and her inspiring story of recovery will help empower and educate all people about the impact of coercive control and impart important lessons about how to overcome extreme adversities.

Dr. Judy Ho, clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, tenured professor, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage

In her book Surviving Dirty John, Debra Newell has bared her soul to the world, providing intimate details to help other women learn from her experiences and avoid the horror of being manipulated and abused by a partner. Debra has shown us that searching for love can be a dangerous game and we need to always have our eyes wide open and trust our instincts. I have seen the dangers and pitfalls that are out there myself and have written about them as well. This book is both eye-opening and empowering and is a must-read for all women in the dating scene.

Tonia DeCosimo, president and editor in chief of P.O.W.E.R and P.O.W.E.R. Magazine, and author of Single and Not Settling: A Journey of Surviving the Dating World

The events, locations, and conversations in this book, while true, are re-created from the authors memory. However, the essence of the story, and the feelings and emotions evoked, are intended to be accurate representations. In certain instances, names of persons, organizations, and places, and other identifying details, have been changed to protect the privacy interests of individuals.

Surviving Dirty John copyright 2021 by A Voice for Women LLC

Photos are courtesy of the authors personal collection unless otherwise indicated.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

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First E-Book Edition: August 2021

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021006207

ISBN 9781953295507 (paperback)

SBN 9781953295842 (ebook)

Editing by Joe Rhatigan and Robb Pearlman

Copyediting by Jennifer Brett Greenstein

Proofreading by Michael Fedison and Douglas Johnson

Text design PerfecType, Nashville, TN

Cover design by Kara Klontz

Cover photo courtesy of the author; additional cover images Shutterstock/DFLC Prints (torn paper), Shutterstock/nirut jindawong (burnt paper), and iStock/Pinkybird (pills)

Special discounts for bulk sales are available. Please contact .

For all the female victims voices silenced and unheard;
my beautiful, supportive children;
and my sister, Cindi Ambrose Vickers, who was
taken away from us far too soon

Sometimesjust sometimescupids dart,

departing from the romantically assigned rle of the poets gentle image,

is metamorphosed into an arrow, a barbed and lethal thing.

The Rattenbury Tragedy, Chronicles of Murder,
William Roughead

CONTENTS

T his book would not be in your hands right now without a host of people making it possible.

I would like to thank my beautiful children for always being there, through the good times and the bad. Each of you has filled my heart with so much joy throughout the years, and I cherish you deeply. I am extremely blessed to have your love and support, and I am forever grateful to all of you! I would like to honor my mother, Arlane, for loving and guiding me constantly and teaching me the gift of forgiveness. No matter what challenges I have faced in my life, I have always relied on seeking the strength from within that you taught me at such an early age. I am able to keep moving forward in faith because of you. I also thank my girlfriends Suzi Brownfield and Nancy Earle for supporting and loving me through lifes challenges. Thank you for lifting me up and being there for me through thick and thin. Thanks are due, too, to Laura Richards for standing up for me and helping me empower other women who have battled coercive control. Laura is a support not only to me but also to millions of other women enduring similar situations.

Thank you to Jason Verona for creating such a beautiful opportunity to share my story. Thank you to Danielle Reimann for helping me to make this dream of mine a reality. Working with such a beautiful soul made this journey incredible. Thank you to M. William Phelps, who has gone through the journey with me and allowed me to open up my heart and speak my truth. We have all gone through this battlefield together, and I am extremely grateful to all of you for believing in me and standing up for me no matter what. It is because of the three of you that I am able to share my story and use my voice to inspire and empower others, and I am truly honored to be given this opportunity.

I desire nothing more than for anyone reading this book to know you are not alone. I believe in you and I will fight for your voice and your freedom until my last breath. My wish is that my story will help shed light on the traumatic effects of coercive control and lead others to safety. Thank you to all my loving family and friends and my incredible support system, who have allowed me to move past this trauma and do everything I can to stop the abuse of coercive control.

Debra Newell
March 2021

I want to thank Debra Newell for trusting me with her story. From the day we started talking about writing this book, I was honored and humbled by the strength Debra and her daughter Terra Newell displayed after what they had gone through. To be given the opportunity to be Debras storyteller is an honor. She took a tremendous risk trusting me.