Charlie W.Shedd - Letters to Karen: A Fathers Advice on Keeping Love in Marriage

LETTERS

TO

KAREN

For sons and daughters,
husbands and wives,
a book to read and reread!

With ease, understanding, and a mature wisdom, Dr. Shedd discusses marriage and offers advice that is temperate, practical, and, above all, based on a knowledge of what the real psychological and physical needs of husbands and wives are.

Los Angeles Herald-Examiner

Warm, tender, earnest more than the insights of an expert.

Christian Home

Full of parental affection, religious faith, and the thought and concern roused by the authors experience counseling troubled or battling husbands and wives.

Publishers Weekly

LETTERS TO KAREN

A FATHERS ADVICE ON KEEPING LOVE IN MARRIAGE

Copyright 1965, 1985, 2012 by Abingdon Press

All rights reserved.

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission can be addressed to Permissions, The United Methodist Publishing House, P.O. Box 801, 201 Eighth Avenue South, Nashville, TN 37202-0801, or e-mailed to .

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Shedd. Charlie W.

Letters to Karen : on keeping love in marriage / Charlie W.

Shedd, p. cm.(Abingdon classics)

ISBN 978-1-4267-5476-0 (PAPERBACK: RECYCLED)

1. Marriage. 2. Shedd, Charlie W.Correspondence. 3. Shedd, KarenCorrespondence.

4. FathersCorrespondence. I. Title. II. Series.

HQ734.S535 1990

306.8dc20 CIP

Previously published under ISBN 0-687-21566-8; 0-380-00207-8; 0-687-21565-X

Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from The Authorized (King James) Version. Rights in the Authorized Version in the United Kingdom are vested in the Crown. Reproduced by permissions of the Crowns patentee, Cambridge University Press.

Scripture quotations noted RSV are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission.

The scripture quotation noted Lamsa is from George M. Lamsas translation of the Aramaic Bible.

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MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Marriage

is not so much finding the right person
as it is being the right person!

Dear Reader,

In 1964 I was a nineteen-year-old girl planning to marry the boy of my dreams. I think back and realize it was a time of overwhelming change. It wasnt just my life; the whole world was launching into a new era. I didnt fully understand that then. I was cozy in a happy home, with parents who loved me and four brothers. But more important than our parents love for us was their love and support for each other. They were quite the pair. No matter how much society changed around them, my parents love and commitment to each other was rock-solid.

My father, Charlie Shedd, was a beloved pastor and writer. His words had encouraged and assured many people over the years. I knew the best gift he could give me would be insight into what made a happy marriage. I sensed that his insight was gained not only from his time with my mother, but also from the years he had spent counseling with others about their relationships. The letters Daddy sent me were filled with rich, thought-provoking suggestions and practical human-relations exercises that he had picked up and thought about.

Each letter was a conversation between a girl and her first lovethe father who would always want the best for her. I look back on those letters now and see him as he was then. I can hear his voice and his laughter. I do so appreciate the thought and effort he put into my letters. For me it is a happy thing that I requested Daddys advice in a time when parents still wrote letters to children away at college. I cannot imagine that the depth of thought and wisdom in those letters could have been as beautifully conveyed in todays rapid-fire communication.

When Letters to Karen became a book, I dont think any of us, least of all my father, realized the impact it would have on the world. Since 1964, it has never been out of print. There are well over two million copies in print in many countries and languages. I know that many single copies have been passed from hand to hand and home to home. That means millions of lives have been touched by the advice my father gave me all those years ago.

When people talk to me about Letters to Karen, the first thing they say is how wise my father was: He told me the truth and did not shy away from hard or embarrassing subjects. The second thing people comment on is how, although society, the roles of men and women, and so much else about our lives has changed, so much of my fathers advice remains as sound and as relevant today as it was in 1964. I have come to believe that the timelessness of these letters has more to do with the fact that human nature and human interaction do not change. Love is enduring when it is well tended.

For those reasons, we decided there was no need to update the book for a new generation. While it has been edited slightly, for the most part what you read here are the letters Daddy wrote to me in 1964. Some references will seem dated, but so much of the advice is current and relevant. The witty figures of speech still amuse.

If you are reading this book as you plan your wedding or as you work to refresh a relationship, then I wish you joy and hope that these words will touch your life today as they did mine all those years ago, and as they continue to do today.

Karen Shedd Guarino

T his is for Karen. She is one of the fair young daughters of Eve who grace our land. Karen is many things. She is chiefly a lover of peace. But for combat she is armed with cunning. (She has four brothers.) In jeans and sweatshirt she has all the charm of the girl next door. Then again, dressed for the ball, she bears herself with elegance. At times she is somewhat of a romp. Yet on other occasions she would go with you to the deepest interiors.

Ardent and adorable, comely and clever, winsome and wisethats Karen!

Im her dad. I know what youre thinking, and you are right. There are some prejudiced fathers. But if you knew Karen as I know Karen, you would say, Now speakest thou the truth plainly!

Several months before she was married, Karen asked me to write her some special letters. Daddy, she said at her beaming best, Id like you to tell me how I can keep him loving me forever!

There are two reasons my daughter would make such a request. For one thing, I am a pastor. As such, I have discussed matrimonial matters with countless couples. I have also spent many hours with wives alone and husbands by themselves.

This is nothing unusual these days. Most of my clergy friends are caught up in the marriage entanglements of their people.

What can we do?

Sometimes very little. This is especially true when their minds are already set. They come for agreement, not advice. Occasionally one wants to negotiate, but the other will not.