Karen Casey - A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012

hazelden.org/bookstore

1993 by Hazelden Foundation.

All rights reserved. Published 1993.

No part of this publication, either print or electronic, may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

ISBN: 978-0-89486-863-4

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-59285-951-1

Editors notes:

This publication is intended to support personal growth and should not be thought of as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals. The authors advice and viewpoints are her own.

In the process of being reissued in 2019, A Life of My Own has undergone minor editing updates.

Cover design by Terri Kinne

Life can be difficult when the people we care about are dependent on alcohol or other mood-altering substances. Fortunately, we have a pathway to freedom from the pain caused by alcoholism or other drug addiction. Its called Twelve Step recovery.

A Life of My Own may be your introduction to the philosophy that undergirds Twelve Step recovery. These daily meditations offer suggestions and guidelines for handling both the universal and the unique struggles in our lives One day at a time. These guidelines had their genesis in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous decades ago; now more than one hundred other Twelve Step programs, such as Al-Anon, Alateen, and Co-Dependents Anonymous, rely on these or similar guidelines. They have helped millions of peoplemen and women, young and oldfind serenity.

The attainment of serenity may seem impossible to you right now, particularly if you feel as I felt when I first came into a Twelve Step program. Yet it is possible to feel better. After attending meetings for a while and listening to how others in the group have changed the patterns in their lives, you will note a change in your mood and attitude too.

We learn from each other. Sharing our experiences and hope and offering strength and support when friends need it to survive their struggles strengthen each of us to handle the bumps in our personal journey. Well never be free of the bumps. They are part of life. But we can get free of our obsession to control the bumps in other peoples lives.

The people we love may still be using substances; in fact, they may never quit. Still, we can learn to love and accept them anyway. More important, we can learn to let them live their own lives, while we learn to live only our own. Its particularly difficult to watch a son or daughter, a parent, or a spouse make a mess of his or her life. Alcohol and other drugs can do that all too quickly. Unfortunately, we cant stop it. We cant really help them unless they want help. We can help ourselves, however. Thats why we are holding this book.

If someone has suggested that codependency is your problem, you will find help in these pages. If someone has labeled you as an adult child, you will find help here. If focusing on the life of someone else, anyone else, consumes much of your attention, you too will find help here. A Twelve Step program, friends like the ones youll get to know around the meeting tables, and a book like this one are your gateway to freedom from obsession with others and the pain that haunts you.

You arent alone. Many of us travel this path with you. Together, all of us can discover the peace that we crave and deserve. Lets begin.

Every human being brings something very special to the world.

When our lives were wracked by our close association with people suffering from the disease of addiction, we lost a sense of who we really were. Seeing ourselves through the behavior of others cancelled out our positive qualities, and our self-esteem plummeted.

The program, particularly the Steps, helps us regain the knowledge of who we are. And through that process we discover the qualities we have that we can share with others. The willingness to take inventory of our behavior, our thoughts, and our values is the place to begin.

Accepting that every individual is endowed with a special talent that is unique and necessary to the whole of humanity helps each of us, especially on the days wed rather hide under the covers. We do have something to give everyone we meet today. How we thought of ourselves in the past as the result of the alcoholism around us cant block us any longer. We are free and our talents are needed.

Every situation I meet today will be affected by my presence. I have something to give that only I can give.

If we embody the principles taught in the Twelve Steps, our lives will get better.

Whether our first Twelve Step meeting was last week, last year, or five years ago, we all have one thing in common: We have discovered hope and our lives are getting better. The good feelings seem almost contagious. Perhaps they are. We have learned from other peoples examples, and all of us have found lifes pitfalls easier to navigate since we began relying on the slogans, the Steps, and the principles of the program.

Many of us came into this program quite certain that it wouldnt help us. Our troubles were far too serious. And some of us resisted the help that was immediately offered. It couldnt be that easy. Stewing a bit longer and hanging on to the pain were choices we made.

Now we are seeing newcomers who are like we were. It makes us joyful to know just how much we all have to look forward to.

How grateful I am that I gave up my resistance. My life will be as joyful as I make it today.

No decision has to bind us forever.

Most of us are no longer sure what we want to be doing a year or even a month from now. When we are called upon to make decisions that commit us to a certain path in the future, we shudder. Will we be allowed to change our minds?

What a change this is from earlier years. Many of us led very controlled lives. We felt safest when we knew exactly what we were going to do. We liked it best when we were able to control others lives too, even though we failed at that much of the time.

Although we may have responsibilities at work and at home, we are so much freer now. And we can decide, moment by moment, what we need to do for ourselves. At first it feels irresponsible, not being responsible for everyone, changing our minds when we need to. However, we will grow into this new way of living. And well love it!

My decisions today will be for this day only. I can change my mind tomorrow.

Turning adversity into opportunity is possible.

We didnt escape problems just because we came to a Twelve Step program. Problems still exist, whether its a car that wont run, a neighbor who complains, a spiteful co-worker, or a family member who drinks or uses other drugs.

The difference is, now we can keep these situations in perspective. No problem means the end of the world. Before, even the smallest of problems sometimes devastated us.

Through listening to old-timers, we are beginning to realize that every situation offers us a unique opportunity to respond in more thoughtful, loving ways. Without this program, we might never have learned that having problems is the path to the growth and serenity we all seek. Now we turn to God for guidance, and through our trust in God we see the problem transformed into an opportunity. To acknowledge life as being filled with opportunity rather than problems is a tiny shift in perspective that gives us huge rewards.