PRAISE FOR
The Scenic Route
Written by a young mother herself, Leighs book will help families newly grappling with the diagnosis of autism with wise, honest, and helpful advice.
Susan Senator, author of Autism Adulthood: Insights and Creative Strategies for a Fulfilling Life
The Scenic Route is a must-read guide for families who have a child with autism who remains nonverbal with severe behavior problems. Lots of good practical and down-to-earth advice.
Temple Grandin, author of Thinking in Pictures
A sense of humor and a sense of wonder can get you far, says Leigh Merryday Porch, in her moving and beautifully written book The Scenic Route. Warm, reassuring, and candid about her own wrong turns and detours, Porch is a gifted storyteller. She deftly weaves personal narrative with practical guidance in this realistic yet often humorous road map to navigating the struggles and joys of raising an autistic child. Eloquent and instructive, The Scenic Route is must-reading for every parent and professional working with autistic children.
Liane Kupferberg Carter, author of Ketchup Is My Favorite Vegetable: A Family Grows Up with Autism
The book is such a beautiful expression of the authors love for her kidsand an unflinching depiction of every aspect of the experience. So much vital information and advice along with so much heart. Its narrative voice is perfectreading it feels like sitting down for a long cup of coffee (or wine) with a good friend you turn to for advice, hugs, pep talks, tough love, and shared laughter and tears. A must-read for any parent starting out on the journey; for moms like me who have been on this road for almost twenty years; and for the families, friends, and teachers who touch our kids lives along the way.
Nancy Burrows, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul: Raising Kids on the Spectrum
If you have a child with autism, The Scenic Route is like a sit-down with an utterly pragmatic and empathetic fellow parent whos already been there and faced all the same bewildering questions. Its candid, thoughtful, and truly helpful.
Paul Collins, author of Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism
Its no surprise that a former librarian has written What to Expect When Youre Expecting: The Autism Version. Leighs insights are poignant and thoughtful, her focus on preparing the child for the village, as well as the village for the child. A must-read for anyone interested in advocacy.
Jeni Decker, author of I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames
Leigh has a talent for sharing her experiences both as a mother of a child with autism and as a professional in the field with a perfect balance of vulnerability and wisdom. The Scenic Route is compelling and relatable as a memoir but also as a guide to less obvious dynamics, issues, and culture of raising a child on the autism spectrum within family and community systems. A wonderful read regardless of where you might be with your childs diagnosis.
Jodi Collins, LCSW, presenter, two-time TEDx speaker on autism (and autism parent)
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Copyright 2022 by Leigh Merryday Porch
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Hardcover ISBN: 9780593328729
Ebook ISBN: 9780593328736
Cover design: Jess Morphew
Cover images: (clouds) Pobytov / DigitalVision Vectors / Getty Images; (car) OlgaSpb / iStock / Getty Images Plus
Book design by Laura K. Corless
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For Bronwyn and Callum:
I once had dreams of you both, and youve surpassed them all. I hope I found the right words, my punkins.
And for Daddy:
The standard by which Ive judged all men.
Contents
Introduction
On the Unreliability of Navigational Tools
One of the Four Great Inventions of ancient China, the compass, operates on a simple principleits needle aligns with the earths magnetic field and points to magnetic north. Once we know where north is, we can calculate the other directions and navigate to our desired destinations.
But its all based on the premise that weve already established where were going.
RAISING a child to adulthood is a little like this.
Whether new parents think about it or not, we, regardless of our culture or walk of life, have a magnetic north established from go. Rich, poor, religious or not, liberal or conservative, in ancient times or modern, parental north is always the same. Always. When were finished raising them, we want them to be able to fend for themselves when were gone.
Parents may envision different dreams for their children. Some may impose their own dreamspushing their offspring toward medicine, entertainment, or the trades of their parents. But even for a mother who wants her son to become a priest and he doesnt, the priesthood is not his mothers true parental north. Self-sufficiency is.
If they lack shelter, food, or community, their lives will be reduced to little more than survival. And those merely surviving will never have what life is really all about: meaning and satisfaction.
So, we teach them how to live without us. For almost every mammal whose young are born helpless, thats north. Thats the destination.
But what happens when you have a child whose ability to fend for themselves is in question? Whats a parent to do if their parental compass doesnt point north? Whats the new destination? Where is the detour taking us? And without a functioning compass, how do we get back on the highway to join the others?
THERES something about magnetic north and the invention of the compass thats unknown to most. Yes, the ancient Chinese invented it, but its original purpose wasnt navigationit was divination. Divination is the human attempt to derive applicable meaning from seemingly unrelated aspects of life. Their compasses werent expected to point toward a destination. They were designed to guide them in decisions based on their current circumstanceswith the intent of providing happier and more meaningful lives.
And, if you really think about it, thats what every parent ultimately wants for their child. Happiness. Meaning. Because in the end, its not about how great our lives were, but whether or not we loved living them. Its clich, but life really is all about the journey, not the destination.