Anne Calver - Baby Change: Navigating the Mess!

Reading the stories and experiences of different mums in this book made me realize afresh how things have changed since I was a mum with a young family. I was a stay-at-home mum, as were many others 40 years ago. Back then, the Christian emphasis seemed to be, to me at least, that discipline was the order of the day, and I took it all very seriously.

How to really love my baby didnt seem to register. I struggled with thoughts that my child needed to be perfect, and so I was too strict. Not having had any experience of younger siblings, or of babies in any sphere of my upbringing, made me very anxious when I had my own. I didnt know what to do with James, my firstborn, when he was awake, unless he needed feeding, bathing or changing. I felt tense a lot of the time.

It was only when Anne arrived that I became more relaxed, but it still wasnt easy. I remember an older lady came to the house and had Anne in her arms, aged six weeks or so, facing her; and as she held her she talked to her, and eventually Anne started responding by moving her mouth and making little gurgling sounds. See, shes talking to me! the lady said. Initially sceptical, as I watched I could see that what she said was true, and it was a huge lesson for me in how early our little ones want to communicate. It really helped me to bond better, and to enjoy my children much more. By the time I got to number three, Michael, I was much more relaxed and ready to enjoy him from the start.

Im ashamed to say that, although I was a Christian, I hardly involved God in my struggles at all. Christianity appeared to be all about how to reach your friends with the gospel, and how to be disciplined in life. This involved a quiet time, reading your Bible and praying, being good and expecting obedience from my children. When they misbehaved, I got cross with them and then hated myself for reacting in that way. The guilt was huge, and I was often in tears, feeling very inadequate.

Christianity was meant to be liberatin g if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed (John 8.36, nkjv ). It wasnt like that in reality, even though I always had a strong faith.

It was only when I realized who the Holy Spirit was, and asked him to come and fill me with his presence, that things started to change. I asked him to hel p and he helped! I began appreciating my kids and enjoying them. I loved reading each of them a bedtime story and a Bible story, and praying with them every night. I had the huge privilege of leading all three to receiving Jesus as their Saviour and Lord at six years old. Although each one was uniquely different, they were all ready at that age to understand why Jesus died for them and how they could respond.

Prayer became much more meaningful from then on. We could discuss and pray about all sorts of things and see the Holy Spirit at work with answers to those prayers. Looking back, I can see that those early chats and prayers enabled communication to continue into the more tricky teenage years, and this was such a blessing.

Having written all this, what would I like to say, in a nutshell, to all you lovely parents?

1. Enjoy your babies from the start! Cuddle them. Talk to them. Praise them when they respond. Smile lots.
2. Babies like routine. It makes them feel secure, especially in the first year of life, and it allows breathing spaces for you. It will involve firm but loving discipline. They will yell and complain initially, but dont be put off! It gets easier much more quickly than you expect. Stay calm!
3. Make time for each one, even and perhaps especially if youre a working mum. Bedtime is often a special time. Encourage them to talk, and make sure you really listen and respond, so they know youve heard.
4. Do stuff with them... build towers, knock them down and giggle together... play games... football... watch TV together... take a picnic to the park for tea... anything really!
5. Dont struggle on your own if youre finding it hard going. Lots of us do. Youre not alone. Take your concerns to the Lord and consider what you need together. Is there someone who might support you practically, emotionally or spiritually? We belong to the family of God, and family are there to support and love us.

I pray this book blesses you and supports you in your parenting.

Jean Haydock, Annes mum

I wish I could have read this book when I was a new mum trying to come to terms with what it means to be a good mother in the twenty-first century. Being among the first generations to pioneer parenting in a society that not only accepts, but expects, women to be in the workplace means that navigating the expectations, choices and emotions involved is not easy or straightforward. Reading Baby Change will assure you that you are not alone in these challenges, and most importantly, will help you to draw on the wisdom and grace of our heavenly Father to lead you through.

Becky Harcourt , New Wine leadership

Anne Calver offers some great reflections on the joys and challenges of parenthood. Always honest and liberally laced with humour, this book is written with an openness and vulnerability that will touch your heart. If you, like me, have ever secretly wondered if it was just you, reading this book will remind you that you are not alone! Anne, and the stories of other parents she shares, will encourage you and help you to see the many spiritual resources that there are to empower you to be the good enough parent that God is calling you to be.

Lynn Green , General Secretary of the Baptist Union of Great Britain

This helpful, wise and immensely practical book will provide anchors to hold on to when you are in the throes of early parenthood. It is real, authentic and reassuring. I found myself nodding, smiling and groaning as it took me back to the rollercoaster of the amazing highs and challenging lows of parenthood. Anne brings a vision of Gods perspective into it all, which is exactly what is needed for many of us, particularly in those times of being aware of the personal sacrifice involved in fully embracing the gift of a child. With that perspective, we hear how we are not missing out as we might imagine, but are actually gaining something deep and precious as Christ gets more fully formed in us. A great little book, particularly if you are someone who carries leadership responsibilities and are wondering whether to take the plunge and begin the adventure of raising a family.

Ness Wilson , Pioneer UK leader, and team leader of Open Heaven Church

Anne Calver is a Baptist minister, married to Gavin, with two children, Amelie and Daniel. She is an author, public speaker and on the Spring Harvest leadership team. Anne is passionate about teaching from Gods word and seeing individuals encounter God and reach their potential.

First published in Great Britain in 2020

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Copyright Anne Calver 2020

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