Joanne P. McCallie - Secret Warrior: CoachPs Bi-Polar Journey

Praise for

Secret Warrior

My process-driven coaching is firmly grounded in relationships and support for mental health. In sports, this includes both the coaches and the team. Coach P has beautifully captured the essence of this balance in Secret Warrior .

Nick Saban
Head Coach, University of Alabama

In Secret Warrior , Coach P is vulnerable and transparent. She shares personal coaching stories throughout a very successful head-coaching career regarding mental wellness, personal growth, team loyalty, and thriving with her teams through adversity. Her authenticity shines through in Secret Warrior a compelling memoir that travels well beyond the court.

Mike Krzyzewski
Head Coach, Duke University

In Secret Warrior , Coach P shares in-depth stories of mental health resilience and perseverance where the team and coach come together to thrive. Such a story demonstrates the need to keep the conversation going... and truly realize how mental health matters.

Tara Vanderveer
Head Coach, Stanford University

Successful coaching involves a great understanding of people, and the stories behind the student-athletes and coaches. The off-court understanding and development, for both the players and the coaches, is critical. In Secret Warrior Coach P brings to life a story that includes such relationships, and the willingness to fight back under unique circumstances.

Tom Izzo
Head Coach, Michigan State University

Impaired mental health has no boundaries as all races, ethnicities, and families worldwide are affected in so many ways. In Coach Ps Secret Warrior , she explores an authentic story of struggles and triumph within sports. However, the lessons are profound and can apply to us all.

C. Vivian Stringer
Head Coach, Rutgers University

I have known Coach P for thirty years. She is truly an inspiration. Regardless of how tough life gets, she continues to be a warrior. Her book Secret Warrior is going to help many and move mountains relative to understanding and thriving with mental and physical health. This book reminds us all to keep faith in the journey... and to share our stories courageously.

Ruthie Bolton
Olympic Gold Medalist, WNBA Champion, Motivational/Faith Speaker

There is no doubt Coach P and I share a love of basketball and great experiences at Duke as well. But, most importantly, we both love people and relationships. In Secret Warrior , Coach P shares an incredible personal story that compels the reader to see the big picture relative to mental health in such an authentic space as sports. Mental health impacts everyone worldwide. A must-read memoir, Coach P may have coached her best championship game in sharing this story.

Reggie Love
Senior Advisor at Apollo Global Management, Vice President and Head of External Affairs for HRS Management; Reggie also served as the personal aide to President Barack Obama from 2009 to 2011

Secret
Warrior

A Coach & Fighter, On and Off the Court

Joanne P. McCallie

Secret Warrior

A Coach and Fighter, On and Off the Court

By Joanne P. McCallie

Copyright 2021 Joanne P. McCallie

ISBN 978-1-64663-291-6

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the author.

Published by

3705 Shore Drive

Virginia Beach, VA 23455

8004354811

www.koehlerbooks.com

To my British mum, Christina Clark, for your incredible strength, leadership and love, and to my dad, Captain Robert Palombo, for your ever-lasting humor and love, who left us suddenly during the writing of this book.

And to my loyal husband, John, and our thoughtful children, Maddie and Jack: thank you for your support, loving spirit, courage, and sense of life in all that you bring to our special family.

INTRODUCTION

I have always wondered when would be the right time to share the story of my affliction with bipolar disorder in a way that I could motivate, inspire, and also raise awarenessand truthabout mental illness and all the attached stigmas that come with the imbalanced brain. I have chosen this moment to reflect and reveal my private battle with mental illness to show that those afflicted can be successful, productive, and happy.

I am a wife, mother of two, and until recently was a competitive and successful Division I head basketball coach: for thirteen years I led the Duke University womens team. Before that, I was head coach of the womens teams at the University of Maine, my home state, and at Michigan State University. I was raised in Maine in a small town, and was always competitive as a kid. I parlayed my skills as a high school basketball player into an athletic scholarship at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. From there, I went on to coach at Auburn University as an assistant coach, then on to Maine, Michigan, and finally Duke as head coach.

Of my twenty-eight years as a head coach, twenty-five have been as a person diagnosed with bipolar I/II disorder. Despite my mental health disease I have persevered, but not without struggle: I have sacrificed and marshaled unrelenting determination, and I have tried to instill those traits in my talented basketball players, my own kids, and countless others who know me or of me.

My brain chose its own path when I was thirty years old. I was a young mother, a wife, and a new basketball coach ready to take on the demands of Division I womens basketball. Like many who go through struggles with brain imbalance, I found it hard to sort the proper cause, catalyst, and then, of course, the treatment. For many, it is a lifelong journey of learning, growing, grieving, accepting, and then flourishing with a newfound balance within your own brain. For me it was so.

I had experienced natural childbirth approximately one year prior to my first manic-depressive episode. With a new and stressful job, and a new baby girl, my life was full and challenging. Perhaps the situation was ripe for a mental collapse. It is tricky to sort through the numerous details of the events prior to my first episode. Timing and causation blurred. Sometimes you never truly know the full story of why things happen. Looking back for answers can torment. It can delay acceptance of the new reality.

That not knowing has caused me shame and fear for much of my life. Sharing the details and diagnosis with family members alone can be daunting: sharing with friends, professional associates, and strangers is even more so.

For instance, I recall a family dinner at my parents house that was eerily quiet and uncomfortable. I had just started my meds and my mind was not quite right yet. As we sat down to enjoy yet another great home-cooked meal by Mom, there was quiet banter of no real significance. No one truly knew what to say or ask. After a few uncomfortable minutes of silence, my mom asked, What is this all about? Where did this come from?

She was voicing her well-meaning and authentic thoughts about the elephant in the room, but they were overwhelming to me at that moment. I felt my stomach clench with anxiety. There was a complete unease about my presence. I wanted to escape. Why was I suddenly so different? What was wrong with me? Would this anxious state continue? I had no answers that evening. I just responded, I really dont want to talk about it right now.