Caitlin Boyle - Operation Beautiful: Transforming the Way You See Yourself One Post-it Note at a Time

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Table of Contents

Powerful, inspiring, and yes, beautiful: Operation Beautiful is the perfect gift for teens, friends, daughters, moms... and to ourselves.

Julia DeVillers, author of GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and In Control

This ingenious book is a refreshing take on how to help women feel empowered, beautiful, and, finally, put an end to Fat Talk! Its a must-read for everyone.

Susan Albers, author of Eating Mindfully: How to End Mindless Eating and Enjoy a Balanced Relationship with Food

Finally, a counterculture movement to uplift the spirits of womankind.... Normally we use Post-it notes to remind ourselves of some arduous chore we need to do; yet Caitlin Boyle has shown women how to pay it forward, reminding others that they are beautiful inside and out. Carry on this revolution, ladies!

Denise Martz, Ph.D., professor of psychology, Appalachian State University

Operation Beautiful reflects a revolution for women that is long overdue. Kudos to Caitlin Boyle for inspiring monumental change with one simple and very brave act.

Joy Jacobs, J.D., Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Operation Beautiful is an uplifting book about the power of positive thinking. Inside this small gem, we find the voices of women of all ages, shapes, and sizes who have moved away from Fat Talk to love and respect who they are. Reading their stories reminds us that we have the ability to change and feel good about ourselves each and every day!

Mimi Nichter, author of Fat Talk: What Girls and Their Parents Say about Dieting

To Kristien,
Who gave me wings,

And to my parents,
Who gave me roots.

Chapter 1

Introduction

M y name is Caitlin, and for many years I was my own worst enemy.

When I was thirteen years old, anger burned inside me. The heat never waned. My emotions were so volatile that I barely scraped by each day without losing it. On the outside, things seemed fine, but privately, I was suffocating under the weight of my own unhappiness. In hindsight, I was very depressed.

I remember one night so well. Flat on my back on my bedroom floor, I stared blankly at the ceiling fan. The anger twisted inside me. I could feel it thrashingit was so painfulbut I didnt know how to let it out. Tears slipping down my face, I dug my fingernails into my arm, pinching hard until little droplets of blood pooled under my fingernails.

When I was thirteen years old, anger burned inside me.

Immediately, the pressure in my heart diminished. I could breathe! I had discovered a sweet relief, and I relied on this desperate measure a dozen times in the following months. It was the only way I knew how to cope with school, my friends, my changing body... my life. Each time I did it, I grew more fearful of my own reckless behavior. I hid it from other people. I knew it wasnt healthy.

I came to my senses. With the help of my family and a therapist, I dug myself out of my emotional hole. I taught myself to see the goodness in my life and to let go of the things I could not control, and I found healthier outlets for my emotions. The experience showed me how to cope with life instead of running from it. Satisfied that I was fixed, I moved forward.

I set up quite a successful life. In college, I felt like I had it alla well-paying job, wonderful friends, true love, and an amazing education. But I was a terrible Fat Talker. I berated myself every single day for not being perfect. I would pull at my waistband and declare myself fat. I felt guilty and angry when I skipped a workout. For eight torturous months, I logged the calorie content of every morsel of food that passed through my lips in a detailed spreadsheet on my computer. In my quest for perfection, I was making myself as miserable as I had been as a teenager.

My best friend Lauren is a wonderfully intelligent woman who I respect very much. One day, she sat me down and told me the blunt truthI needed to either shape up or shut up. My Fat Talking was absolutely useless, Lauren told me. My lack of confidence kept me quiet in class, caused me to fight with my boyfriend, and generally held me back from experiencing life. My outlook was ruining my potential, my health, and my relationships. Laurens straightforward approach snapped me out of my Fat Talk coma, and I vowed to stop Fat Talking. I quit the dirty habit cold turkey.

Instead of telling myself I was unhealthy and lazy, I told myself I was strong and beautiful. I repeated my positive mantras over and over again until I started to believe the messages. After ripping the batteries out of my scale, I stashed it under the bathroom sink. I quit calorie counting and began to eat intuitively. At the grocery store, I filled my cart with wholesome, natural foods instead of gimmicky diet foods.

I realized that my Fat Talk was a reflection of something much deeper than how I looked in the mirror. After years of beating myself up, I couldnt believe that the answer to a happier, healthier life was so simple. All I needed to do was treat myself with kindness, love, and patience. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly comfortable in my own skin.

Several years later, I was fighting a new kind of negative self-talk. At night, I took classes at a community college, and during the day, I had a demanding full-time job. The balancing act left me unhappy and anxious. Like clockwork, I experienced severe stomach pains every Sunday night. My husband worried that I was going to have a breakdown.

On a particularly stressful day, I was in a public restroom, and as I stared blankly into the mirror, I felt the urge to do something positive. I spontaneously scribbled You are beautiful! on a scrap piece of notebook paper and stuck it on the mirror. When I looked at the note, I felt lighter. I wondered who would find my note. Would it make her happy? Would it be the bright spot in her day? Would it feel like a message from the universe? I was giddy with excitement as I considered the possibilities of my note. I never dreamed that one little note was the start of something big.

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