Tom Carey - How to Throw a Golf Club: Learn to Throw for Distance and Accuracy

Copyright 2006 by Tom Carey

Cover illustration Tom Carey

Internal illustrations Double Eagle Press

Cover and internal design 2006 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

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Previously published as The Club Thrower's Handbook

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Carey, Tom.

How to throw a golf club / Tom Carey.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4022-0519-4

ISBN-10: 1-4022-0519-8

1. GolfHumor. 2. Golf clubs (Sporting goods)Humor. I. Title.

PN6231.G68C37 2005

818'.5402dc22

2005025009

Printed and bound in the United States of America

VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

It thrills crowds to see a guy suffer.
That's why I threw clubs so often.
They love to see golf get the better of
someone, and I was only too happy to
oblige them. At first I threw clubs
because I was angry. After a while it
became showmanship, plain and simple. I
learned that if you helicopter those
dudes by throwing them sideways instead
of overhand, the shaft wouldn't break as
easy. It's an art, it really is.
Terrible Tommy Bolt

This book is dedicated to the
87% of golfers who admit to
having ever thrown a club.
And to the 13%
who lied about it.

A List of Our Advertisers

We are happy to recommend the following fine products and hope that you will patronize our advertisers.

Gator Bait Club Throwing Schools
Happy Feet Golf Shoes
Club Toss Golfwear
Whirlybird Golf Clubs
Lady Launcher Golf Clubs
Grip-Tite Golf Gloves

The most exquisitely satisfying act in the world
of golf is that of throwing a club. The full
backswing, the delayed wrist action, the flowing
follow-through, followed by that unique whirring
sound, reminiscent of a passing flock of birds,
are without parallel in sport.
Henry Longhurst

CHAPTER 1

I love the game of golf. You can tell how much I love the game of golf because, just like the TV announcers who act as though winning the Masters is the same as curing cancer, I call it the game of golf instead of just golf.

I say this loudly and I say it proudly. I have worn sherbet-colored alpaca sweaters. I have worn shirts with little penguins, crocodiles, and polo ponies on them. I have worn Sans-A-Belt slacks in colors and patterns found nowhere in nature. I have worn saddle shoes with a frilly little flap on them. More than that, I have worn ankle socks to match.

I subscribe to Golf Magazine, Golf Digest, Golf World, Golf Tips, Golf Illustrated, Golf Tips Illustrated, World of Golf Tips Illustrated Magazine & Digest, and Playboy (but only for the golf articles). My web browser has 268 bookmarks to websites that concern golf courses, golf tournaments, golf history, golf statistics, golf vacations, and drink recipes (for after the round).

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor gloom of night has ever kept me from my appointed round of golf, especially if I had a tee time guaranteed with a major credit card.

And, yes, it's trueI throw my clubs. I toss them like a salad, heave them like last night's Cabernet, and kick them like a set of new tires. And I'm proud of this. If you throw your clubs (and I'm sure you do; how else would you come to possess this book?), you should be proud of it, too. Far from being a shameful thing, I contend that on the contrary, club throwing is an art. It relieves stress, burns calories, builds muscle, and it keeps all the nearby players on their toes.

This book is for those golfers who have never quite been able to control their tempers. It's for those golfers whose only relief after a terrible shot comes when the offending club is soaring skyward or rattling across some parking lot, throwing sparks as it skips along.

By virtue of the guide book now in your hands, you have officially become a member in good standing of the Club Throwers of America. There are no dues to pay and no meetings to attend. I know you need every cent for new golf clubs and for higher insurance premiums. Just having another golfer in the brotherhood of Club Throwers is enough for me. (Though the dough I got for the book is nice, too.)

So grab the old Ping Hoofer and head on out to your favorite track. Tee it high and let it fly. And when that first tee ball does a major right-to-right on you, rear back and loft your driver after it. If it ends up on the clubhouse roof, well, so be it. Smile proudly and unapologetically at the outraged members marching across the fairway toward you and say, I'm a Club Thrower. We heave 'em and leave 'em.

Why am I using a new putter?
Because the last one did not
float too well.

Craig Stadler

CHAPTER 2

Just as there is a right way and a wrong way to swing a golf club, there is a right way and a wrong way to throw a golf club. These brief instructions are to guide you, the proud and happy Club Thrower, in the fine art of implement levitation. After you master the basics feel free to improvise.

The Two-Handed Method

This is far and away (hmm, now there's a nice choice of words) the most popular club-heaving style among players today. But many fail to achieve the kind of distance or accuracy that is necessary for a truly elevating experience. The following tips will help you get the most out of every club (and tantrum) you throw.