Caroline Archer - Healing the Hidden Hurts: Transforming Attachment and Trauma Theory into Effective Practice with Families, Children and Adults

by the same author

First Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts

Tiddlers and Toddlers

2nd edition

Caroline Archer

Foreword by Vera I. Fahlberg, MD

ISBN 978 1 85302 801 4

eISBN 978 1 84642 184 6

Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts

Tykes and Teens

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ISBN 978 1 84905 263 4

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HEALING THE
HIDDEN HURTS

Transforming Attachment and Trauma Theory into
Effective Practice with Families, Children and Adults

EDITED BY CAROLINE ARCHER,
CHARLOTTE DRURY AND JUDE HILLS

FOREWORD BY DAVID HOWE

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

Illustrations at the beginning of chapters are kindly provided by Jude Hills.

Figures 9.1 and 9.2 reproduced with kind permission from Jonny Matthew.

First published in 2015

by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

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London N1 9BE, UK

and

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Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

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Copyright Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2015

Foreword copyright David Howe 2015

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 610 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owners written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.

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Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Healing the hidden hurts : transforming attachment and trauma theory into effective practice with

families, children and adults / eited by Caroline Archer, Charlotte Drury and Jude Hills.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-84905-548-2 (alk. paper)

1. Attachment disorder in children--Treatment. 2. Attachment disorder--Treatment. 3. Attachment

behavior in children. 4. Attachment behavior. I. Archer, Caroline, 1948- editor.

RJ507.A77.H43 2015

618.928588--dc23

2014044140

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84905 548 2

eISBN 978 0 85700 972 2

FOREWORD

Since its earliest days, attachment theory has had an influence on child and family welfare practice. Admittedly, back in the 1960s and 1970s much of this influence was limited to young childrens experience of loss as they moved from birth family to foster care, or between one foster home and another. Nevertheless it hinted at the growing interest being taken in young childrens psychosocial and emotional development and the critical part that early care may play in that development. As the research progressed and the theory became more refined, our understanding of the critical importance of childrens caregiving, careseeking and attachment experiences deepened. A key finding was the part that parents and carers played in helping children regulate their emotions, particularly at times of stress. Parenting that was sensitive and attuned, mind-minded and responsive helped children to make sense of themselves and other people as complex emotional and psychological beings. In turn, children who felt psychologically understood became good at psychological understanding. Children who had enjoyed being on the receiving end of empathic care learned to be empathic. Thus it became apparent that securely attached children who enjoyed these reciprocal relationship experiences would, in all likelihood, go on to enjoy good mental health and a decent social life.

The importance of early life relationship experiences also began to interest other scientists as well as developmental psychologists. The neuroscientists realised that the brains ability to process stress and complex emotions depended on how well young children had been helped to recognise, understand and manage their own and other peoples feelings and arousal. Similarly the concept of stress and its regulation, both physically and psychologically, began to be studied in the context of parentchild relationships.

Today we have a vast literature on childrens emotional and social, psychological and neurological development. We recognise the importance of a babys antenatal experiences. We understand why relationships have such a profound impact on development throughout childhood, from infancy to adolescence. Although this literature is possessed of wonderful subtlety and refinement, nevertheless we can tease out some basic messages. For example, children who have enjoyed good quality, emotionally attuned, psychologically collaborative care generally grow up to be socially competent, emotionally intelligent people. In contrast, children who have suffered abuse and neglect, trauma and loss find managing their own and other peoples feelings and behaviour much more difficult, much more puzzling. When you are very small, vulnerable and not yet able to protect yourself, you need your caregivers to protect you, care for you and help you make sense of things, including your own self. But if the grown-ups are dangerous, scary, absent or unpredictable, then you are on your own. Feeling safe, learning to understand emotions and managing your own and other peoples behaviour are very difficult if you are left to fend for yourself in an uncertain, frightening world. So you have to defend yourself psychologically against the fears of being hurt, alone, frightened and confused. Adults, especially carers, cant be trusted. Better to be in control rather than be controlled. Switch off if it all gets too much. Be wary, be vigilant. But even though youve had to find ways to try to survive, it is all very difficult, frightening and stressful. Little wonder then that being cared for by a family, taught in a classroom, taken to a nursery, sat down in therapy or driven to see your birth mother for contact are so hard.