Paul Fotie Photenhauer - Semenology - The Semen Bartenders Handbook

The Semen Bartenders Handbook

By Paul FotiePhotenhauer

Smashwords edition

Copyright 2013 Paul Photenhauer

I dedicate this book to all my enthusiasticfans that have supported my efforts to continue the promotion ofsemen in the kitchen. This book is long overdue, thank you for thesupport and patience.

A special thanks to Rickard Gagnr, whosewell-developed semen palate was invaluable in the test kitchen.

It has been four years since I firstpublished my semen cookbook Natural Harvest A Collection ofSemen-based Recipes. I originally wrote the book to change thenegative view of semen as a food, and encourage readers to opentheir minds, kitchens and ultimately their mouths to semen. We eatmilk (cow secretions) and eggs (chicken menstruation), so why allthe fuss about semens inappropriateness as food?

My cookbook has broadened the minds andculinary landscape for semen enthusiasts all over the world.Although most of my fans are from the United States, the book waswarmly received in many other countries. Unsurprisingly, theculinary nations of France and Italy loved the book, and one Frenchnewspaper proclaimed that semen-based dishes were the latest fad inAmerica. The book was smuggled into Saudi Arabia since customswouldn't allow the book in. In Singapore the book inspired cookingclasses and was regularly featured on various cooking shows. Ourtroops in Iraq and Afghanistan preferred the e-book versions of thebook, and with their ample supplies of semen I trust that thenovelty relieved the otherwise unexciting canteen cooking.

I am happy that semen is no longer neglectedas a food, and I am proud that my humble cookbook was the drivingforce that unleashed semen into the kitchen. I have continued todevelop and experiment with semen recipes along with my generalcooking skills. In 2011 I used the funds generated by the sales ofthe cookbook to take cooking classes in Europe, both in Switzerlandand in Spain. The Spanish classes were the most fun, especially theshort course in bartendering. Mixing drinks is fun and it is veryeasy to experiment and create new drinks.

Semen is an exciting ingredient that cangive any cocktail an interesting twist. Semen adds an excitingpersonal touch to your favorite cocktail. The semen connoisseurwill appreciate how alcohol can enhance the delicate semen flavors.The experienced semen bartender also carefully selects spirits thateither accentuate or camouflage the taste of semen all dependingon the drinkers preference.

- Fotie

cookingwithcum.com

#semenology

@semenbook

This book is also available in print at mostonline retailers.

A healthy prostate is vital for ensuring goodquality semen and ample volumes. This drink is made withpomegranate, a fruit that is renowned for its positive effect onthe prostate. This is the only drink in this book that does notcontain semen - it is nonetheless pretty scrumptious.

cup Sugar

cup Soda water

2 oz Vodka

2 oz Pomegranate juice

3 oz Sparkling wine

Pomegranate seeds for garnish

Make sugar syrup by bringing sugar and waterto a boil in a small saucepan. Stir until the sugar is dissolvedand let cool.

Combine the vodka and the syrup, and mixwell. Divide into two glasses filled with ice and fill withsparkling wine. Add the pomegranate seeds and then drizzle thepomegranate juice into the drink, giving the drink a beautiful pinktint.

Another way to maintain a healthy prostateis by regularly manually stimulating this inaccessible gland.

I recently learned that the name Mojitocomes from the Spanish word mojadito, which translates as a littlewet. This coincidently also applies to many situations involvingsemen.

1 oz Spiced rum

Mint leaves
1 tbsp Sugar

1 tsp Powdered sugar

oz Lime juice
2 oz Soda water

Semen

Lime wedges

Thoroughly blend lime juice and sugar. Addthe mint leaves and gently bruise the leaves to release the flavorsby mashing the mixture with a muddler. Then add the rum and stir tolift up the mint leaves from the bottom of the glass. Top the drinkwith whole ice cubes and soda water.

Using a milk frother, gradually whisk smallamounts of powdered sugar into melted semen until it reaches acreamy airy consistency. Taste frequently to achieve the perfectsweet and salty balance.

Carefully spoon the sweet froth into theside of the glass so that it gracefully cascades down the glass.Garnish with lime wedges.

This drink is traditionally served in asalt-rimmed glass. However, the Semenologist prepares the glasswith his own homemade semen salt.

1 oz Tequila

oz Triple sec

1 oz Lime juice

Ice

Rim a chilled cocktail glass with limejuice, and dip in the semen rimming salt. Shake the ingredientswith ice and strain into the glass.

Semen RimmingSalt

1 part Semen

2 parts Salt

This procedure must be done well in advance.Mix the semen and salt until the salt is completely dissolved.Place the mixture in a shallow stainless steel dish, making surethat the paste is spread out evenly. Place the dish in a warm sunnyplace. Once all the liquid has evaporated, crush the semen-infusedsalt into a powder. The semen salt is now ready to be rimmed.

Semen salt is very versatile in the kitchen,so you may decide to make a large batch.

It is almost a shame to add anything toa good quality cognac, anything, that is, except for semen.However, my first attempts at perfecting the blending of these twoheavenly fluids were disappointing. I found, as is often the case,that simplicity is best. Splashing the semen into the well-filledglass is an entertaining way to serve cognac.

2 oz of the finest cognac you can afford

1 tsp Semen

I found that it is best to first allow thesemen to just begin to melt, at the initial stage of melting. Thistakes a few minutes. If the semen is unusually thick, quicklydilute with a few drops of water. Splash the semen into the cognacand enjoy.

Surprisingly, I have found that unlikecognac that grows better with age, Heavenly Cognac tastes best whenmade with the seminal fluids of a younger producer.

Few drinks are as fascinating andmysterious as absinthe. Absinthe contains various herbs and otherbotanicals, but is most know for including wormwood. Also know asThe Green Fairy, absinthe has been cherished by many prominentwriters and artists. Oscar Wilde, who is one of my all-timefavorites, was an avid drinker.