Dawn Schiller - The Road Through Wonderland: Surviving John Holmes

CONTENTS

A special excerpt

Hi there! a tall, gawky man booms out as he strides into the room. He appears to be in his thirties. He has large, intensely blue eyes and dirty blond, curly hair so long it lies in a floppy Afro. His face is ruggedly handsome, even though it is thin. He is shirtless but wears Levis cut off just above his knees and white tennis shoes. The air charges up when he enters the room, and instantly he has everyones undivided attention.

. Then suddenly, he spins around, looks directly at me, and asks, How old are you?

Im taken aback by his lightning-quick move and personal question, and I snap as if Ive been attacked, on the edge, as I was in Carol City. Fifteen. Why?

Mm, mm, mmp. Too bad! He grabs his chest dramatically and acts disappointed.

What? Im thrown off guard, then instantly incensed.

John smiles wider than I ever thought anyone could and winks a big blue eye at me. Too young! Again he turns on his heel and pushes through the screen door, roaring laughter to the night sky and all the way to his cottage.

Whatacreep! I say with disgust, wanting to scream at him. He has no idea. Young, my ass, I add, fiercely blushing.

Uh-oh, Dawn. Terry sounds worried.

What? I snap, not sure why I am so upset.

He likes you.

I blush even harder.

Dawn has survived. This book is a testimony to her will to overcome. As we wrote, shot, and cut Wonderland, she allowed us absolute transparency on a darkness few ever experience. She understood hers was a story that had to be told, not just as a cautionary tale against the horrors of violence and abuse, but as a beacon leading others in her predicament out of peril. This book is her triumph, but the narrative weaved within these pages is a true nightmare that will haunt you, as it did me, for years.

James Cox, director and cowriter of Wonderland

When I got an advance copy of The Road Through Wonderland, I thought I already knew the story. I picked it up casually, and then I could not put it down. I was up till 3 a.m. reading it. The power of Dawn Schillers writing is that within a few pages, you are so drawn into her harrowing, roller-coaster life with her fractured family and then with porn star John Holmes, that you almost become her while reading it. There is not much separation between writer and reader. Schiller draws an unforgettable portrait of a lost, drug-addled corner of late 1970s Los Angeles and what it was like to be a lonely girl targeted by a predator in that world. The most mesmerizing memoir since Jeannette Walls The Glass Castle, this whole book is one long, chilling money shot.

Dana Kennedy, correspondent and journalist,
AOL News, The New York Times, People, Time

Dawn Schillers chilling account of her youth as the underage mistress of legendary porn star John Holmes is infused with the goodness and humanity that ultimately delivered her from her abusive ordeals. A classic story of an innocent young womans descent and self-redemption, The Road Through Wonderland is gritty and starkly honest; it is at once a horror tale and a story of triumph.

Mike Sager, writer at large, Esquire; author of
Scary Monsters and Super Freaks

Dawn Schillers harrowing account, The Road Through Wonderland, is a must read for everyone but especially professionals trained to identify and respond to horrible abuses such as those Dawn endured during her years with John Holmes and others around him. As I read, I wondered what we as a community can do to allow kids like Dawn to reach out for help rather than face death at the hands of their abusers on a daily basis. Unfortunately, in Dawns case, by the time the abuse came to the attention of the police, she was already eighteen. Though very incapable of caring for herself, she was legally seen as an adult. And though visibly battered by Holmes, she was returned to his care by police. I am thankful that our response to intimate partner violence and the exploitation of children and especially our throwaway teens has improved over the last thirty years. However, we have a lot more work to do before people understand how predators like Holmes target vulnerable children and that these troubled children are worth saving.

Sgt. Joanne Archambault, San Diego Police Department, retired; executive director of End Violence Against Women International;
coeditor of Sexual Assault Report

Courageous. Not only will Schillers haunting story stay with you, but her beautifully descriptive writing will as well. This book is for anyone who has ever wondered why and how adultsor, for that matter, societycould turn their back on abused children. Schillers painful insights help us begin to understand how these horrible things might happen. A haunting story in beautiful form. Dawn Schiller manages to write so beautifully about something so shatteringly repulsive. Her picturesque descriptions [demonstrate] her ability to somehow connect with the beauty of the natural world while being neglected, exploited, and abused by the human world. The thing to take away from The Road Through Wonderland is not that it is a bizarre or extreme story, but that it is a girls true story and gives us a rare and haunting look into what surviving takes. This important book illustrates the complexity of the victimization of children. For too many youth, victimization is not a single event but a process or even a state of being.

Mitru Ciarlante, Youth Initiative Director,
National Center for Victims of Crime

DEDICATION

To my daughter, Jade,
my greatest blessing, who deserves the truth.

To the throwaways who have been battered and
robbed of their voice.

Published 2010 by Medallion Press, Inc.

The MEDALLION PRESS LOGO
is a registered trademark of Medallion Press, Inc.

If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as unsold and destroyed to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment from this stripped book.

Copyright 2010 by Dawn Schiller
Cover design by Adam Mock
Edited by Helen A Rosburg and Emily Steele

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law.

Typeset in Adobe Garamond Pro
Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-160542083-7

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
First Edition

FOREWORD

A WORD FROM V AL K ILMER

When I met Dawn Schiller on the set of Wonderland, I was amazed at her happy, warm smile and her loving attention to her young daughter. Nothing I saw in her even hinted at the terrible torture I knew she had endured with John Holmes. I liked her instantly. It was a very challenging role, playing someone so lost and destructive, and desperate. As I prepared to portray a man who caused her so much pain, she consistently proved that love heals all woundsALL. DAWN was and is an inspiration to me, as she will be to you. There is nothing in this world we cannot overcome, if we trust in love. Dawn bravely watched each scene with nods of approval for both Kate Bosworth and myself. Bravo, Dawn, for your courage and grace to share your story with the world. Its a healing message for all the women and girls in the world who have not yet found their strength. Its there, and Dawns story proves it. Her story is a miracle. She is a miracle. I am proud to know her.