Dr. A. V. Srinivasan - Hindu Wedding: The Engagement Ceremony

Hindu Wedding:
The Engagement Ceremony

How to Prepare and Plan for an Authentic Hindu Engagement

The primary purpose of this workbook is to complement the authors earlier publications, The Vedic Wedding: Origins, Tradition and Practice and a later publication Hindu Wedding: The Guide and an ebook: Hindu Wedding Workbook to provide young couples and their parents the background necessary to understand the intent, content and meaning of steps in a basic Hindu wedding engagement ceremony.

The workbook evolved in response to frequently asked questions by couples who visit us after they decide to have a Hindu wedding or an interfaith wedding with a Hindu component in it.

The mantras, transliterations and translations are included here and may be useful to those who officiate at the ceremony.

Hindu Wedding:
The Engagement Ceremony

How to Prepare and Plan
for an Authentic Hindu Wedding Engagement

Dr. A. V. Srinivasan

Periplus Line LLC
2013

Copyright Periplus Line LLC, 2013

ISBN-13: 978-1-62890-157-3

ISBN-10: 1-62890-157-8

All rights reserved. No part of this booklet may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher, Periplus Line, LLC

Inquiries should be addressed to

Hindu Wedding: Engagement Ceremony
by
Dr. A.V. (Sheenu) Srinivasan

Introduction

In Western societies, the time honored practice is for the young man (groom-to-be; G2B) to propose after a period of courtship, i.e. ask the young woman (bride-to-be; B2B) to marry him. This is generally done in private with or without the knowledge/approval of the families. Should she consent, the unmistakable and totally expected sign of this consent can be seen on the ring finger of the young lady -- a bejeweled engagement ring proudly displayed by the B2B to the oohs and aahs of her friends. An engagement party may then follow. Weeks or more than a year may elapse before the wedding ceremony takes place.

Many modern Hindu families may allow for this first approach to the all-important samskar, Vivah, or marriage. The traditional Hindu approach is quite different indeed and involves the two families from the very beginning.

The Hindu tradition defines an engagement ceremony known as Vgdnam or Vkdna which means giving a word of honor. In fact it is an exchange of pledges between both families. The normal practice requires the families to assemble, approve and formalize the understanding between themselves and/or between the two young people. The words of honor or pledges are not exchanged between the principals in this ancient ceremony - but between the fathers. The B2B and G2B do indeed attend and participate, especially the B2B as she is welcomed and honored with gifts by the family of the G2B when the family (and close friends) of the G2B visits the B2Bs home to begin formalization of the relationship.

The engagement ceremony in an arranged marriage is the last formal step taken following a search for suitable candidates, possible advertising, preliminary meetings, and maybe even the exchange and review of horoscopes by a competent astrologer. It takes place usually just weeks or a day before the wedding ceremony itself.

In any case the magic of love that brings two young people together expands to a larger circle of magic bringing the immediate families and friends together in a joyous ceremonial event. The ceremony is based on Vedic practices dating back over 5000 years. During the ceremony the basic transaction leading to the pledges between the families is in fact between the two fathers. This is done by proclaiming the lineages of the families and making a formal request for the alliance. Although there are variations depending upon family traditions, the common practice requires the father of the G2B to make the first request formally in a ceremonial setting. It is the affirmative response from the father of the B2B that sets the stage for the remaining steps of the ceremony.

Basic Steps

Families conducting an engagement ceremony in a public setting, with a priest/officiant presiding, may consider the following recommended steps:

• Meeting of the families
• Opening prayers
• Invocation of Agni
• Pravara recital
• G2Bs fathers declaration
• B2Bs fathers acceptance
• Greeting the vadhu (bride-to-be)/gifts
• B2Bs fathers declaration of commitment
• Vg Dna (Formal Promises and Acceptances)
• Wishes of happiness for both families by both sides
• Blessings

List of Materials

• Plate of fruits (variety of 5), flowers and/or petals
• Plate with agarbattis, deepa (lamp), perfume, akshata, haldi, kumkum, sweets
• Plate with a sari and blouse piece, gifts, e.g. set of jewelry, for the bride
• Plate with betel leaves, areca nuts, raw rice and coconut as symbols of auspiciousness
• Plate with a garland for the bride from the G2B family and a plate with a garland for the G2B from the B2B family (Note: not necessarily elaborate wedding garlands)
• A metallic vessel (kalasha) and bowl; an uddharana (ceremonial spoon)
• Agni kunda (fire container), dry sticks, matches, fire starter

The officiant needs names and gotras (where available) of parents, grandparents and great grandparents of both fathers to prior to the ceremony.

The Setting

Arrangement of the families (sitting or standing):

Bride-to-be (B2B) standing/seated facing east if possible. Her father to her left, her mother and other relatives to her right and/or behind her. The officiant stands to their right with the G2B, and his parents and relatives on the left.

Sample Program

1. While the B2B family and the officiant ascend the mantap to sounds of music (or Vedic chants) a processional of the G2B family approach the mantap and ascend the stage.
2. Upon ascending the stage, the parents or elders from the G2B family offer plates of fruits and flowers to corresponding members of the B2B family, shake hands and/or hug.
3. Upon completion of these greetings and with the volume of music lowered, the officiant begins with a brief worship service to either Mahaganapati and/or an ishtadevata (familys godhead) performed by the G2B
4. The agni kunda is lit or introduced. The officiant invokes Agni.
5. The father of the G2B greets the family of the B2B. He (or his representative) identifies the families to be united by reciting the lineage of both and expresses his keen interest in this alliance. The B2Bs father responds affirmatively after consulting his wife and elders in his family (bhry jntibandhvanumatim krutv)
6. The G2Bs family now greets and welcomes the B2B and offers a variety of fruits, flowers and garments (a new sari, blouse etc.) Additional gifts such as bangles, necklaces etc. may also be given at this time. The bride may then be asked to go and change into the presented garments (optional)
7. Upon her return the B2Bs father performs a sankalpam, specifying this auspicious moment in space and time, and declares his pledge of bestowal, and invites the G2Bs father to sit/stand by the side of the B2B
8. With the G2Bs father standing/sitting by her side, the B2Bs family honors the G2Bs father by repeating the lineages and declaring that they give their word to this alliance in the presence of this godhead, fire god and the families. (dvgni dvija sannidhau)