Natsuo Kirino - Grotesque

N A T S U O K I R I NO

GROTESQUE

T R A N S L A T E D BY REBECCA C O P E L A ND

A L F R E D A. KNOPF NEW YORK 2 0 07

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ALSO BY NATSUO K I R I NO

Out

THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK PUBLISHED BY

ALFRED A. KNOPF

Translation copyright 2006 by Natsuo Kirino

All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Alfred A. Knopf, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and in Canada by Random House of Cananda Limited, Toronto.

www.aaknopf.com

Originally published in somewhat different form in Japan as Curotesku by Bungei Shunju in 2003. Knopf, Borzoi Books, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Kirino, Natsuo, [date]

[Gurotesuku. English] Grotesque Natsuo Kirino; translated by Rebecca Copeland.1 st ed. p. cm.p>

A Borzoi book

Originally published in Japan as Gurotesuku

by Bungei Shunju in 2003T.p. verso.

ISBN: 978-1-4000-4494-8 I. Copeland, Rebecca L., [date] II. Title. PL855.I566G8713 2007895.635dc22 2006048594

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Manufactured in the United States of America

FIRST AMERICAN EDITION

C O N T E N T S

O N E A CHART OF PHANTOM CHILDREN 3

T W O A CLUSTER OF NAKED SEED PLANTS 40

T H R E E A NATURAL-BORN WHORE:

Y U R I K O S DIARY 1 0 8

F O U R WORLD W I T H O U T LOVE 157

F I V E MY CRIMES:

Z H A N G S WRITTEN REPORT 212

S I X FERMENTATION AND DECAY 289

S E V E N JIZO OF DESIRE:

KAZUES JOURNALS 344

E I G H T SOUNDS OF THE WATERFALL I N THE DISTANCE: THE LAST CHAPTER 459

Calculated at a rate of 120 yen to the U.S. dollar, the monetary figures in this book would convert approximately as follows: 1,000 = $8

5,000 = $40

10,000 = $80

50,000 = $400

100,000 = $800

1,000,000 = $8,000

10,000,000 = $80,000

In Japan the school year begins in April and ends in March of the following year. It consists of three terms, separated by short vacations in the spring and winter, as well as a monthlong summer break. Students attend elementary school for six years, middle school for three years, and high school for three years.

G R O T E S Q U E

O N E A C H A R T OF P H A N T O M C H I L D R EN

Whenever I meet a man, I catch myself wondering what our child would look like if we were to make a baby. Its practically second nature to me now. Whether hes handsome or ugly, old or young, a picture of our child flashes across my mind. My hair is light brown and feathery fine, and if his is jet black and coarse, then I predict our childs hair will be the perfect texture and color. Wouldnt it?

I always start out imagining the best possible scenarios for these children, but before long Ive conjured up horrific visions from the very opposite end of the spectrum.

What if his scraggly eyebrows were plastered just above my eyes with their distinctive double lids? Or what if his huge nostrils were notched into the end of my delicate nose? His bony kneecaps on my robustly curved legs, his square toenails on my highly arched foot? And while this is going through my mind, Im staring holes in the man, so of course hes convinced that I have a thing for him. I cant tell you how many times these encounters have ended in embarrassing misunderstandings. But still, in the end my curiosity always gets the best of me.

When a sperm and an egg unite, they create an entirely new celland so a new life begins. These new beings enter the world in all kinds of shapes and sizes. But what if, when the sperm and the egg unite, they are full of animosity for each other? Wouldnt the creature they produce be contrary to expectation and abnormal as a result? On the other hand, if they have a great affinity for each other, their offspring will be even more splendid than they are. Of that there can be no doubt. And yet, who can ever know what kind of intentions a sperm and an egg harbor when they meet?

Its at times like these that the chart of my hypothetical children flashes across my mind. You know the kind of chart: the sort you would find in biology or earth science textbooks. You remember them, dont you, the kind that reconstructs the hypothetical shape and characteristics of an extinct creature based on fossils discovered deep in the earth?

Almost always these charts include full-color illustrations of plants and beasts, either in the sea or against the sky. Actually, ever since I was a child I was terrified of those illustrations because they made the imaginary appear real. I hated opening those textbooks so much, it became my habit to search out the page with those charts first and scrutinize them.

Perhaps this proves that we are attracted to what frightens us.

I can still remember the artists re-creation of the Burgess Shale fauna. Derived from the Cambrian fossils discovered in the Canadian Rockies, the chart is full of preposterous creatures swimming around in the sea. The Halludgenia crawls along the sediment on the ocean floor, so many spines sticking out of its back you might mistake the creature for a hairbrush; and then theres the five-eyed Opabinia curling and contorting its way around rocks and crags. The Anomalocaris, with its giant hook-shaped forelimbs, prowls through the dark seas in search of prey.

My own fantasy chart is close to this one. It shows children swimming through the waterthe bizarre children I have produced from my phantom unions with men.

For some reason I never think about the act that men and women perform to produce these children. When I was young my classmates would make fun of boys they didnt like by saying things such as, Just the very idea of touching him makes my skin crawl! But I never thought about it. I would skip the part about the sex act and go right to the children and the way they would turn out. Perhaps you can say Im a little peculiar in that regard!

If you look closely youll notice that Im half. My father is a Swiss national of Polish descent. They say his grandfather was a minister who moved to Switzerland to escape the Nazis and then died there. My father was in the trade business, an importer of Western-style confections. His line of work might sound impressive, but in fact the products he imported were poor-quality chocolates and cookies, nothing more than cheap snacks. He might have been known for these Western-style sweets, but when I was growing up he never once let me eat one of his products.

We lived very frugally. Our food, clothes, and even my school goods were all made in Japan. I didnt go to an international school but attended Japanese public elementary schools. My allowance was strictly supervised, and even the money allotted for household expenses fell short of what my mother felt was adequate.

It wasnt so much that my father decided to spend the rest of his life in Japan with my mother and me. He was just too miserly to do otherwise.

He refused to spend a single cent unnecessarily. And he, of course, was the one who determined what was and wasnt necessary.

To prove my point, my father kept a mountain cabin in Gunma Prefecture where we spent the weekends. He liked to fish and just put his feet up while he was there. For the evening meal it was our custom to have bigos, prepared just the way he liked it. Bigos is a Polish countrystyle stew made of sauerkraut, vegetables, and meat. My Japanese mother hated fixing it, of that there can be little doubt. When my fathers business failed and he took the family back to Switzerland, I hear my mother cooked Japanese white rice every night and my father scowled each time she set it on the table. I stayed behind in Japan by myself, so I cant be sure, but I suspect that was my mothers revenge on my father for his bigosor, on second thought, for his stingy selfishness.