Taya Kyle - American Wife: Love, War, Faith, and Renewal

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A little more than a decade before, Chris Kyle was the answer to my prayers.

Literally. Id been feeling depressed after a series of bad relationships and was unsure of my future. I prayed to God that He would send me someone I could raise a family with. Someone who would value and cherish meand someone I could value and cherish in return. I didnt care about age, career, looks, or anything; all I wanted was a man with a good heart. I told that to God and admitted that although I wanted to be independent of a man, perhaps I wasnt meant to go it alone.

Within weeks, He sent me Chris, in the most unlikely place to have a prayer answered. But maybe it will make more sense if I start at the beginningmy beginning, at least.

FAMILY BEGINNINGS

I was born in Portland, Oregon, in 1974, to Kent and Kim Studebaker. I spent my childhood in small-town suburbs. Trained as a lawyer, my father gave that up to run a small business; my mom was a teacher by trade, but worked as a bookkeeper for my father. I had one older sister, Ashley. We lived a pretty typical middle-class life. Family was very important, and some of my fondest memories are of days spent visiting my grandparents, who lived on a lake about twenty minutes from us. Visiting them, whether during the summer or on a weekend or even just for a meal, was like going on vacation. Wed boat and swim, or just sit out on their patio and gaze at the ripples on the water. My grandfather was wicked smart, with a sense of humor to match. One of his favorite things was fashioning limericks on the spur of the moment to keep us amused. He had a huge stock of the witty poems, and could deploy them at will, making crazy connections with things that were going on. I blame my offbeat sense of humor on him.

At the same time, he had an old-fashioned sense of decorum and style, always wearing nice slacks and a button-down shirt, often topped off with a Mr. Rogersstyle cardigan sweater. He managed to carry them off with a casual rather than stiff air. He was a calm man, so even-tempered that the very few times he got angry were the stuff of family legend.

Thats one trait that doesnt seem to have been passed on in my genes.

There is one unusual wrinkle in my family treemy moms mom was married to my dads dad. They were actually stepbrother and -sister, though they never met until college.

Marionmy fathers fatherand his wife had four children together, including my dad. (He hated that name, by the way; most people called him Studie, short for Studebaker, his last name.) When my father was fifteen, his mom died after a long illness. Studie married again soon afterward, then divorced. Following that, and maybe thinking he was done with marriage for good, he moved into an apartment complex on the lake.

Meanwhile, my mothers mother, Emilygorgeous and very artistichad married her high school sweetheart in Pasadena. He became a very successful dentist, gave up his practice to join the Navy during World War II, then came out and resumed dentistry after the war. Unfortunately, he seems to have cheated on her; the marriage ended in divorce despite the fact that they had three kids, including my mom.

Emily then married a man from Oregon, moving there to be with him. That marriage also ended in divorce. She moved to an apartment complexthe same one where Studie happened to live.

Two bad experiences were enough to turn her off to marriage forever. Now in her fifties, she was adamant that she would remain single for the rest of her life.

Then she met my grandfather. He set out to woo her practically the moment he saw her.

We have some of the notes they wrote to each other, and based on the evidence, Studie was a master Romeo, even well into his fifties. Together you and I are meant to be, went one note. Youre going to marry me one day you see. He was the sort of man any woman would find hard to resistbig blue eyes, a gentle heart, brilliant, and a great sense of humor. It took him a while, but gradually he wore Emily down and they were married.

While theyd had a few bad marriages between them, this one was the sort people refer to as made in heaven. Theyd have weekly races to see who could do the New York Times crossword puzzle the fastest, cooked gourmet meals together, and danced in the kitchen whenever the mood struck themwhich was often. They laughed all the time and just seemed to have the most wonderful days together. Visiting their house was like going to a resort where only happy people were allowed.

My sister Ashley once asked my grandmother what the secret of their marriage was.

Oh, I dont know, honey, she told her. We just laughed a lot, danced a lot, and loved a lot.

If you could package that somehow, youd make a fortune.

They were married for twenty-five years before death separated them. I still remember sitting with my grandfather in their living room a few days after she died; we talked about her, remembering good times.

After twenty minutes or so, a single tear rolled down his cheek. It was as emotional as Id ever seen him.

She was such a good woman, wasnt she? he asked.

I could only agree.

He pursed his lips, then smiled and got up. There was deep sadness, great loss, and yet resolve to go on. His energy was happy energy; sadness might weigh him down, but he rarely admitted it to others, and it was even rarer still to see evidence of it.

Hed have my sister and me over for dinner every Thursday night. Hed fuss and cook up a storm, then watch Jeopardy! with us in the living room. Id hold his hand and wonder how in the world he could know so many answers.

Unfortunately, he developed prostate cancer as he aged, and despite aggressive treatments, slowly began to waste away. His body took a beating, yet somehow he managed to smile every time he saw us, whether at home or at a hospital. He was in constant pain, and it must have been hard to keep radiating love and kindness to others. But when I visited him, I always left cheered up, as if I was the one who was ill.

To this day, hes an inspiration.

Where did that strength come from?

I dont know. Hed grown up poor and achieved great success; hed had a wonderful mother but a terrible father. Hed been through a lotthree wives is a lot of living. But none of those things alone can account for character.

My mom and dad met in college shortly after my grandparents started dating. Actually, my aunt met my father firstand went out on a date with him.

According to family lore, my aunt called up her older sister as soon as she got home.

I just went out with this guy, she said. You have to meet him. He was made for you.

That phone call gave my mom permission to break the dont-date-the-guy-your-sister-has-dated rule. The next time they were both in town together, they began seeing each other. Both had fiery personalities, yet somehow they hit it off. They ended up getting married about a year after my grandparents.