Voletta Wallace - Biggie: Voletta Wallace Remembers Her Son, Christopher Wallace, aka Notorious B.I.G.

Id like to quote Isaiah 12, verse 2: Look! God is my salvation. I shall trust and be in no dread. For Jehovah is my strength and my might. And he came to be the salvation of me.

To my mother who instilled in me that honesty is the only way to build my life. My father, who taught me that with love in my heart I will always succeed. My brothers and sisters, for their emotional support. To Faith, I thank you for your constant calls. I know the love is there. God Bless you in all your endeavors. I will be there for you. You will always be my daughter-in-law. Wayne Barrow, I will never regret the day I introduced you as my adopted son. My heart welled just from knowing you and I pray that you are one of the real ones. Mark Piffs, I thank you for being there for my son when he needed you and here for me today. Puffy, we have our silence, heartfelt, rollercoaster moments, there is a lot of love, a ton of confusion, and you still owe me $30,000. No smile, no joke, no flowers. Call me, kid. Sean Carter (Jay-Z) tears are flowing from my eyes just to say thanks. You know the deal. Thanks, sweetheart, youre one in a million. Buster, thanks for the compliments and the encouragement. Afeni Shakur, thanks friend. The branch has rooted. Artie Erk, thanks for your honesty, straightforwardness, and loyalty. Mrs. Jenny, Beacon Camp is gone but Jenny Cares lives. In such a short time, you have seen me through a lot. I thank youTo all my friends at the Effort and Leaders Congregation, thank you for your love, prayers, and insight. Chico, Nino, Clep, Benny Thomas, Dennis, and Goya Horell, thanks. Elisha Silvera, Deborah Nelson, thank you. Your kindness means a lot. Abraham and Wickem, I am glad we know each other. Police Officer Green at the 88th Precinct in Brooklyn, thank you. Drs. Tykott, Mark Grand, Barbara Sehuh, Elisie Alvarez, thank you. Dr. Steven Carroll, thank you for always being there for me when I needed you. Bernard Delano, Kevin, Angel, and Keisha for caring. Donna Vellekemp, Terry Bake, Londell McMillian, Don Cameron, for your wonderful council. Jennifer Smash, you shared a lot. Thanks. Una and Delroy Peterkin, Gloria Landell, the laughter continues. Ed Lover, Dr. Dre, Lisa Evers, Fat Man Scoop, Angie Martinez, thanks for the real love and for making me feel young again. Hazel Thompson, thank you for being my friend. To Tre McKenzie, my coauthor, you were there through the pain and tears, you never gave up on me; through the sleet and snow, you trekked on. You embraced me with kindness and skill. There were times when I wanted to give up but you waited; times when I wanted to scream but you were calm. Thanks for your patience. Ian Kleinert, thanks for the introduction. Sydney, Althea, Bazel, Veron, Charmagne, Balo, Marilyn, Glen, and Paula, thanks for believing in me. Jefferey Tweety, Mary J B., for reminding me that I will always be a mother. To Malaika Adero, my editor, for tactfully informing me not to put off what I can do today, for tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. To my dear friend Zena, Jehovah is our refuge, his shadow is our shelter, we will not be afraid of anything dreadful by night, nor at the arrow that flies by day, Psalms 91, 15.

we will not be
afraid
of anything

Panic and fear had made time stand still for me. I could no longer hear nor comprehend anything going on around me. All the sounds that I could still hear were coming from inside my own body. I could hear every breath that I took, and then I became aware of my heartbeat and it grew louder and louder in my ears, making it impossible to answer all the questions in my head. Is there life after death? Could I have done more with my life? Are all my affairs in order? What do I have to leave behind to the one I love? And, will he be okay?

They say when you are faced with death, your life flashes before your eyes. I know for me that statement held true. My entire life flashed before eyes, and it started from the very beginning.

OUR WORLD

Our world, encroached with faults and hate, ideas and thoughts, Shortcomings and regrets.

Our world, caressed with fears and mistakes, continued taste on rainfall and tears;

Our world, a creation of admiration and desire,

Of luster and dreams, smiles and hopes, youths and friendships.

Our world, bridged with deaths, disheartened looks, unselfish passion, Short hellos and long good-byes;

Our world, a frozen fountain Of wanting; wanting to know, to live, to love, to touch, To cherish, to grow, to give, to accept.

To grasp and reflect. To remember, that in our world: A life lost, is a life missed. A life gained, is a life blessed.

A life youthful Is a life Beautiful

I was transported back to Trelawny, Jamaica, and the first house that I can remember living in. It was just one huge room. The room had a table, a bed, and three little chairs. Thinking back on it, the house was not really a house where one could live and enjoy. It was just a place to sleep that provided shelter when the weather was bad. Most of our living took place outside the house and in the yard.

My family was close-knit. My mother believed in and enforced family. She wouldnt tolerate any fighting between my brother, Valen, my sister, Ruby, and me. If she caught a whiff of us fighting, everyone could expect a beating. My grandmother lived nearby in a house that was exactly the same as ours on the inside. The only difference was on the outside, where my grandmother had a big thatched roof made from coconut palm leaves. My older siblings stayed with my grandmother at night because there just wasnt enough room for everyone in our little one-room house; during the day they would be at school.

As the youngest, I often felt like an only child.

My father worked hard as a butcher and a farmer, while my mother stayed at home to take care of us. By the time I was seven years old, my father had saved enough money to buy land and build us a bigger house on a farm with a lot of land. I somehow knew even at age seven that we had been poor and that the farm was a step up for my family. It provided us with everything we needed.

I wish I could say that I had a great relationship with my older siblings, especially my sister, Rubybut I cant. We were worlds apart. Even when I was old enough to interact with my brother and sister regularly, I didnt really want to. I preferred the company of my mother and father instead, and that hasnt changed.

To say there was sibling rivalry between Ruby and me would be an understatement. All of them teased me, calling me Mamas girl and Daddys girl. But I caught the most grief from my sister, Ruby. In fact, she was responsible for the first ass-whipping that I got from my dad.

From time to time Ruby would have to watch me when my mother was working. My stomach would drop when I knew that my mother would be leaving me alone with Ruby. It would be torture for me. I never knew what kind of mood Ruby would be innot that it was ever a good mood. But sometimes she would hit me for no reason. If she was bored, she would find a reason to yell and scream at me. I was growing real tired of the routine: Boss Voletta around. Hit Voletta. Yell at Voletta. This would go on day in and day out, but I never said anything to my parents. I dont know why. Maybe because she was the oldest and we were raised to respect our elders.

One day when my mother had to go to town and left me with Ruby, she started her usual with me. Then she hauled off and knocked the hell out of me. That was the last straw. While I was much smaller and couldnt beat her physically, I had quite a mouth on me and I finally yelled back, You stupid bitch!