McGowan Terrance Patrick - The Silence of war: an old marine in a young marines war

I started sending emails to people back home in the States when I was still in Afghanistan. I was trying to tell them what it was likewhile we were all living itin real time. I got replies such as You made me cry, I felt like I was there, and You should write a book. Well, I decided to do just that.

In the midst of a bleak northeastern winter I sent my first draft to a fellow Marine whom I consider to be my kid brotherZach Wolfe. Zach lost his best friend over there. His name was Andrew Whit Whitacre. They were brothers from a different mother. Whit was killed in action on June 19, 2008. I dont need to look the date up. Whit was my friend too.

I had written about Whits death, of course, but I had barely touched on it. I care about Zach and I was trying to spare him the pain of reading about and reliving that terrible day. I now realize that was a mistake. People need to know the price theyre asking our fine young men to pay when they are sent off to warthe silent price.

Zachs response to me after reading the draft was emotionally commanding. He told me he had only made it halfway through before he started to cry. His very young daughterseeing her daddys distressclimbed up onto his lap and said, Thats okay, Daddy. You can have my teddy bear.

Zach told me I had to write the book. He wanted his family to know what he had been through. I knew Zach could never find the words. He knew it too.

When he and his wife had their next child, a boy, they named him Cooper Whitacre Wolfe. Whit had meant that much to Zach. He still does. Whit lives on in Zachs heart. And though the pain dims it is never fully extinguished.

The littlest Wolfe will have to grow up a bit before he learns about the Uncle Andrew he will never know. It will be at least a few years before he realizes why he has the middle name that he does. Possibly his dad will never be able to choke out the words that will enable him to understand. Possibly he will have to read this book somedayand in the process learn more about his dad as well.

Zach is blessed with a wonderful wife. I have no doubt that she understands him as well as anyone can. She will understand him even better after reading this book. So will the rest of Zachs family. Thats why he wanted it written. Thats why I had to write it. Zachs deepest scars cant be seen.

William Manchester in Goodbye, Darkness wrote a passage about the battle for Okinawa that stayed with me over the years since I first read the book. He wrote of how much he hated the war and wanted it to be over so he could go home. And how, when he was safe in an aid station being treated for wounds received in battle, he had to get out of the battlefield hospital and get back to his squad. They were more important to him than anything, including his own safety. By that time he wasnt fighting for his country, or world peace, or Mom or apple pie. He was fighting for the guys in his squad.