Jewel - Never broken: songs are only half the story
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- Book:Never broken: songs are only half the story
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Never broken: songs are only half the story: summary, description and annotation
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Living on a homestead in Alaska, Jewel learned to yodel at age five, and joined her parents entertainment act, working in hotels, honky-tonks, and biker bars. Behind a strong-willed family life with an emphasis on music and artistic talent, however, there was also instability, abuse, and trauma. At age fifteen, she moved out and tasked herself with a mission: to see if she could avoid being the kind of statistic that her past indicated for her future. Soon after, she was accepted to the prestigious Interlochen Arts Academy in Michigan, and there she began writing her own...
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also by jewel
NONFICTION
Chasing Down the Dawn: Stories from the Road
POETRY
A Night Without Armor: Poems
CHILDREN
Thats What Id Do
Sweet Dreams
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York 10014
Copyright 2015 by Jewel
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
Blue Rider Press is a registered trademark and its colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC
The credits constitute an extension of this copyright page.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Jewel, date.
Never broken : songs are only half the story / Jewel.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-698-19210-2
1. Jewel, date. 2. SingersUnited StatesBiography. I. Title.
ML420J38A3 2015 2015024911
728.42164092dc23
[B]
Penguin is committed to publishing works of quality and integrity. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this book to our readers; however, the story, the experiences, and the words are the authors alone.
Version_1
I dedicate this book to anyone who is struggling in darkness, seeking to know their light.
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
Joseph Campbell
be ground
be crumbled
so wildflowers will come up where you are
Rumi
40 years old
when did this happen
blonde
but gray sneaks in
Im sure
though I would never know
because I lose myself in
the (hair color) bottle
I am fit enough
maybe more fit
than when I was 20
I have less hair
thanks to an underactive
thyroid
stress induced they say
...
I use Latisse to make
my eyelashes grow
I text 50 times a day
I have a scar
above my pubic bone
from a C-section
when they lifted my
sweet boy
from my abdomen
I am newly separated
from my husband
shocking
would have lost the ranch
on that bet
...
actually, I did...
basically
I am a blank canvas
well not blank maybe
an unwritten chapter
is perhaps the better metaphor
sure I have a history
a hell of one, actually
I am dinged-up
and weary and my heart
is sore
but really
in the most essential way
I am as new as I ever have been
the best is not behind me
damnit
its ahead of me
for the first time
I never stood a chance before
because
I was a slave to what I could not see
a puppet to past patterns
but I have taken a knife
and carved myself free
it cost me dearly
but what I gained is myself
the truest treasure is
a soul who believes
in its own existence
and I believe!
I am here!
I am showing up!
I have to go slowly
so I dont skip by
what this moment is
divorce
D
I
V
O
R
C
E
this is the best
worst time
of my life
it is a death
a tragedy
a sad and fiery end
to a dream I desperately wanted
the loss of innocence for my son
and God how this breaks my heart
...
but it is also a second chance
and I cant let sorrow
or self-loathing
or reproach
rob me
of the gift
from fire comes
a stark silence
as flame drives
what is most essential
deep inside
all else burned away
I let all else leave me
I keep only what is most truly me
thank God
for this fire
bless this fire
bless this new shape
I am sexual
I am spiritual
I am mother
I am playful child
I am
unapologetic
U
N
A
P
O
L
O
G
E
T
I
C
it took me
40 years
but Im here
finally
it has been
hard-won
and you can bet
Im not giving it up
for anyone
no more submissive posture
no more tentative shape
no more body
bent like a question mark
...
I know whats best for me
above all others
finally
I reserve the sacred right
to redefine myself at will
I can stand in my own power
and not make myself small
for anyone
to make them feel safe
I will shrink myself
no longer
to make
any human feel
secure
I spent a lifetime being small
for those closest to me
but this is not the woman
my son will know
my son will see my new shape
my intuition speaking loudly
he will see a woman integrated
a businesswoman
an artist
a nerd
an intellect
a heart
for I am all things
I am woman
W
O
M
A
N
and
W
H
O
L
E
human.
I should probably not be here today. I should probably not even be alive. Being alive, I should have become an addict, knocked up as a teenager, or stuck romantically in a cycle of abuse. If you look at my life at any stage you mightve said, This girl will never make it, and you probably wouldve been right. What I had going for me, however, was that at a fairly young age I figured out what I wanted. Happiness. You have to know what you want to ever be able to have it.
Here are the broad strokes: My two brothers and I were raised by a musical family, and I spent my early childhood performing with my parents in Anchorage for tourists. When I was eight, my mother left and my dad moved us to the family homestead in rural Alaska, a log cabin with creek water to drink, no plumbing or most modern conveniences. My dad did the best he could, but handled the stress of being a single parent by drinking and perpetuating the only parenting style he knewthe one he was raised withwhich was creative at its best, and abusive at its worst.
At age fifteen I was finally fed up, depressed, and worried that if I didnt make a break for it I would lose myself entirely. I decided to move out. Aware that by doing so, the probability of me becoming just another statistic was high. Kids like me end up doing the same thing we saw while being raised... there are rarely happy endings. I wanted to beat those odds, and I knew that to do so I would have to use all my logic, heart, wit, and talent to end up differently. To be different, I had to act different. Which left me with a problem: how do you act differently than the way you are taught? This question set me on a journey to learn a new way of being, so I could create a life with a different outcome, rather than just feel fated to repeat the cycles and patterns I was familiar with. I vowed to study myself and my life like a scientist, to see what did and didnt workhow to get what I lacked and so desperately wanted: happiness.
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