Kate McCann - Madeleine: Our Daughters Disappearance and the Continuing Search for Her

All royalties donated to Madeleine's Fund.

ABOUT THE BOOK

The decision to publish this book has been very difficult, and taken with heavy hearts My reason for writing it is simple: to give an account of the truth Writing this memoir has entailed recording some very personal, intimate and emotional aspects of our lives. Sharing these with strangers does not come easily to me, but if I hadnt done so I would not have felt the book gave as full a picture as it is possible for me to give. As with every action we have taken over the last four years, it ultimately boils down to whether what we are doing could help us to find Madeleine. When the answer to that question is yes, or even possibly, our family can cope with anything

What follows is an intensely personal account, and I make no apology for that

Nothing is more important to us than finding our little girl.

Kate McCann, May 2011

It is a sad fact that not a single police force anywhere is proactively looking for Madeleine (as is the case for many other missing children). I am sure this book will re-energize the search for our daughter and the public will get behind the Find Madeleine campaign once again. It is simply not acceptable that the authorities have given up on Madeleine especially when no comprehensive review of the case has been undertaken. Our daughter, and whoever took her, are out there. We need your help to find them.

Gerry McCann, May 2011

CONTENTS

MADELEINE

Our Daughters Disappearance and the
Continuing Search for Her

Kate McCann

To our three beautiful children,
Madeleine, Sean and Amelie,
for enriching our lives and making us very
proud and happy parents.

FOREWORD

The decision to publish this book has been very difficult, and taken with heavy hearts. Before making up our minds to tell our story, my husband Gerry and I have had to give very careful consideration to a number of issues, not least its impact on the lives of our three children.

My reason for writing it is simple: to give an account of the truth. It has always been my intention to set down a complete record of what happened to our family, for our children, Madeleine, Sean and Amelie, so that, when they are ready, the facts will be there for them to read. I wanted to make sure they would always have access to a written chronicle of what really happened, no matter how many years have passed. They have already been through too much, and there will be further challenges ahead. Understanding our ordeal will give them the best chance of dealing with whatever life throws at them.

Choosing to share this personal account with the world has been much harder. Of course we want the truth to be told. For the past four years it has been excruciating to stand by as all kinds of tales have circulated about Madeleines disappearance and about Gerry, me and our family. The press have published a mountain of stories, often without knowing, and perhaps caring, whether or not there was any substance to them, causing great distress to our family and, more importantly, hindering the search for Madeleine. Others have seized the opportunity to profit from our agony by writing books about our daughter, several of them claiming to reveal what really happened. Which is extraordinary, given that the only person who knows this is the person who abducted her on 3 May 2007. Many of these authors have no first-hand knowledge of the case and have based their theories on the half-truths, speculation and full-blown lies appearing in the media and on the internet.

Dealing with Madeleines disappearance has been almost all-consuming, leaving us little time or strength to address these further crimes against our family. The appalling loss of our daughter has been too much to bear. Everything else, however huge, has had to take second place. There is only so much pain human beings can stand at once. It doesnt mean the injustices hurt any less. On the whole Gerry and I have managed to dig deep and remain focused, although the temptation to shout the truth from the rooftops has always been there. There have been many times when I have struggled to keep myself together and to understand how such injustices have been allowed to go unchallenged over and over again. I have had to keep saying to myself: I know the truth, we know the truth and God knows the truth. And one day, the truth will out.

Yet publishing the truth is fraught with risks for our family. It lays us open to more criticism, for a start. We have discovered that there are those in society who will always criticize. It doesnt matter who you are, what you do or why you are doing it. We dont know what motivates these people (although I have a few theories). In the early months, I found such censure incredibly upsetting and sometimes overwhelming. Our beloved daughter had been stolen from us, we were suffering terribly and I could not begin to comprehend why anyone would want to add to that pain. As time went on, I was able to shoulder it a little better, either by trying to understand why people did it (unfair as it was) or by simply trying to ignore it. These detractors didnt care about Madeleine, so why torture myself by even listening to them? Weve met many wise people along the way who have stressed the importance of not being derailed by those with their own agenda. It has proved to be good advice.

We realize that Madeleines abduction has been hard for every parent to bear. It has brought home to everyone how vulnerable our children are and how fragile our lives. I have come to understand that some of these critics have been acting out of self-preservation. Holding us culpable in some way makes them feel their own children are safer. Who knows how we might have reacted if this had happened to another family and we had been the ones watching from the sidelines? Whatever lies at the root of these negative reactions, they have never stopped us doing what we think is best for Madeleine, and they wont do so now. As long as we are acting in her interests, we will withstand whatever slings and arrows we must face.

The sacrifice of our privacy has been another concern. Given the choice, we would prefer to try to sink back into the anonymity we took for granted before 3 May 2007. But our anonymity has gone now anyway, and we constantly have to weigh our desire for privacy against the need to keep our search for Madeleine in the public eye. I have wondered whether we havent already given too much of ourselves and our family to the world. It is not something with which we are comfortable but often the considerations involved in such decisions seem irreconcilable. Writing this memoir has entailed recording some very personal, intimate and emotional aspects of our lives. Sharing these with strangers does not come easily to me, but if I hadnt done so I would not have felt the book gave as full a picture as it is possible for me to give. As with every action we have taken over the last four years, it ultimately boils down to whether what we are doing could help us to find Madeleine. When the answer to that question is yes, or even possibly, our family can cope with anything.

My biggest worry has undoubtedly been invading the privacy of our children. My account obviously exposes them, to a certain extent, as well as Gerry and myself. Later in their lives they may feel I have made public information they would prefer had been kept private. My instinct tells me, however, that it will be far more important to Sean and Amelie to know that their mum and dad have left no stone unturned in their efforts to find their big sister, and if that has included publishing a book, Im sure they will understand and accept that necessity. And I have no doubt that Madeleine, too, would feel the same way.