Andrew Loog Oldham - Stone Free

STONE FREE

WRITTEN BY

ANDREW LOOG OLDHAM

EDITED BY

RON ROSS

Because Entertainment Inc.

1395 Frances Street, Vancouver British Columbia, Canada V5L 1 Z1

Copyright Because Entertainment, Inc. 2012. All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-0-9920275-2-0

Andrew Loog Oldham asserts his moral right to be identified as the author of this book.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without prior permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

A dedication to Brian Epstein:

Brian persevered against all odds and got his lads a recording contract
And that act changed all of our lives for the better.

Brian Epstein. Portrait by David Bailey

IT IS QUITE surprising that I did not end up a criminal.

I discovered, though, that I didnt have the bottle at the tender age of ten. It was bad enough the third-rate public school Id been sent off to was closed by the authorities for stealing our tuition money. Despite its dubious standing as an academic Potemkin village, Id been impressed with Cokethorpes converted manor house and the dashing Colonel Elston who tooled around the leafy countryside in a sleek black Rover.

My mother had me come home to her flat in Londons Swiss Cottage where she enrolled me in the local junior school. On my very first day the neighborhoods aboriginal young hoodlums forced me to nick some sweets from the confectioners half a block down from the morbid stack of bricks that passed itself off as a school on the corner of Eton Avenue and Winchester Road. I got caught and that was the end of my youthful walk on the wild side.

ALOReady to bop

I learned to cultivate a rich fantasy life stimulated by the cinema and often hummed the theme songs to my favorite films out loud to myself. When the natives caught me at it one day they pushed me into the boys lavatory for a command performance before forty excessively amused young yobs. I think I was an intelligent youngster but I dont think Id have grown to have been quite so sensitive had I not been singled out as hilariously different by my Swiss Cottage peers. I did not enjoy playing Oliver to this band of Artful Dodgers.

Despite my distinct lack of talent for larceny I have been guilty in my time of other crimes, among them extortion, blackmail, and grifting. To the extent that I made my living in the music business these misdemeanors were almost expected of me. And over many years I certainly had a post-graduate education in double dealing from both partners and competitors who often swapped roles in the living theater of my life.

After I became sober out of life and death necessity, my moral posture became straighter and my capacity for empathy became more muscular. However, I do awaken in the night from time to time sure I have done something wrong, which upon open-eyed reflection I have not. I am able to put my feet back on the floor, so to speak, and bid adieu to the passing moment of dread as I count to zen, give thanks, and often start my day before I am quite ready for it, but glad of it nonetheless.

In the spring of 2003 I decided to drive from Connecticut to Vancouver, a long ride during which I could imagine myself as Marty Milner or George Maharis as my fancy struck me. I like cars, although collecting time pieces is almost as rewarding and more practical. If all the autos I have had over the past forty-five years were to be parked in one garage, Jerry Seinfeld would make me an offer. I was looking forward to being on the road again.

When I crossed the border into Canada at Niagara Falls I wasnt surprised to be pulled over by a vigilant protector of the Commonwealth. After all, the back seat of my white BMW was jam-packed with Pelican trunks full of books, teas, and nutritional supplements in the form of various pills and capsules. Proudly displayed on the beemers back window was a decal of the Colombian flag while the license plates declared the vehicle to be registered in the Constitution State. My scene partner bore a pleasing resemblance to Val Kilmer before middle age increased his middle and I discretely studied him studying me.

What brings you to Canada? the script required him to ask.

My reply was somewhat improvisational: Ive come here to finish the writing of a book, I deadpanned.

What kind of books do you write? Val inquired, no doubt less interested in the answer than whether I could be trusted to behave myself in his beloved homeland.

Biographies, says I tersely.

About whom? says he with equal economy and surprisingly good English. His expression betrayed no especial interest in my Colombian drivers license with its notable lack of an expiration date and its useful information about my blood type, should I start to bleed while driving.

About myself, if you please, officer. I fancy he smiled to himself but I was busy trying not to lock eyes with him.

At that point I think hed decided I was all right but thought he might enjoy chatting a bit.

His next question included a pregnant pause, as the evening breeze on the border swelled gently in time with the background music I was silently providing to our little vignette.

And what have you done in your life that has you writing books about it? He was good, this Val stand-in, his tone just the right mixture of sarcasm and friendliness. Good sense prevailed and instead of asking him if he had ever been told he looked like Val Kilmer, I answered him straightforwardly.

Early in my career I was fortunate enough to manage and produce a British musical group known as the Rolling Stones.

I was now hoping I wouldnt have to explain that I was responsible for Satisfaction but not Brown Sugar. This didnt seem like the time or place for an appraisal of the Stones catalog.

Val, bless him, had some improvisational chops of his own.

So could you say that you discovered them? he asked, whether with genuine interest or sly sarcasm I couldnt discern.

Yes, you could say that.

The pause that followed was truly priceless. What the fuck was coming next?

And are they grateful? Oh yes, he was that good.

Not recently, I replied truthfully.

Welcome to Canada, Mr. Oldham.

Cut and print.

ALO

THEY SAY A game is only as good as its players and in this, my third book, I am pleased to introduce you to a number of the greatest pimpresarios and hustlers I have ever known or admired. Many of them, like Brian Epstein, Allen Klein and Phil Spector, are household names with whom I was closely associated. In those chapters I attempt to balance an objective view of their lives and accomplishments with my personal perspective and experiences. While the Rolling Stones were leading men in Stoned