Ernest Borgnine - Ernest Borgnine: My Autobiography

To my beloved mother and father, Anna and Charles Borgnine.

To Mom, who encouraged me when she said, Have you thought of becoming an actor? You always like to make a fool of yourself in front of people. Why dont you give acting a try?

To Dad: You never stopped believing, even during the tough times at the beginning. God bless you both.

E rnest Borgnine is one of the Great Treasures of the entertainment world. He has done it all: Broadway, movies, television, stock. The whole works. And you can throw in an Academy Award! But I know him on a different level. A pal you can hang out with, play golf, go eat with, whatever. A best friend! A man who is passionate about life and is interested in just about everything you can think of and more than likely knows a lot about it. And when it comes to acting, well, you can forget that, he is the best.

He has done me a lot of favors and the most precious one is his friendship. He has sent me strange gifts and I in return to him. I have been trying to outgift him forever, but it is great to have a buddy that kinda thinks like you do.

But enough of this palaver. I could go on forever with all the things he has done for me, you, and just about everybody, but if I can steal a line from the movie, What are you going to do tonight, Marty? Im going to read a great book. Its called Ernest Borgnine: My Autobiography.

George Lindsey

I ts Sunday night, January 13, 2008. Much to my delight, Ive been nominated for a Golden Globe Award for my work in the Hallmark TV movie A Grandpa for Christmas.

I always get a little dreamy and reflective during awards ceremonies. Nominees always say, Winning is nice, but its a thrill just to be nominated. And outsiders think, Yeah, yeah, sure. But you really want to win.

Of course we do. However, it really is a thrill just to be nominated. Especially when youre my age (ninety-one). And to be acting, still, after nearly sixty yearsthats a rare privilege.

So Im sitting in my Beverly Hills home, the one I bought in 1965, watching the Golden Globes, looking at all the fresh young faces (to my eyes, sixty is fresh and young!), and thinking, If I were starting out today, what kind of parts would I be playing?

Given my sizefive-foot-nine and heftychances are good Id be offered roles like that big guy, the Thing, Michael Chiklis played in Fantastic Four. Or maybe that part John Travolta had in Hairspray. Its been a long time since I played a role in a dress or a toga. Not that anyone has a webpage calling for more of Ernie Borgnines legs.

Thats whats going through my mind as Im tuned in to the Golden Globes. At the timeJanuary 2008the writers strike was on and, as a result, the Golden Globe Awards ceremony has been stripped down to an hour-long special where the winners are simply announced and clips are shown from all the nominated movies and shows. However, I look at the bright sideit saved me the trouble of having to dry-clean my tux.

The presenters applaud as winners are announced, and my mind continues to drift. Please dont think Im rude; I have to admit I dont know a lot of the winners or the shows and movies for which theyre nominated. Its tough to keep up with all the channels, movies, and DVDs that are out there. When I started out there were three TV networks, no such thing as home video, and just a few studios making far fewer movies.

A reporter asked me earlier in the day, Mr. Borgnine, do you have any plans to retire?

I answered, Retire to what? To work in the garden? Drive my beloved wife Tova crazy? (Or should that be crazier?) Heck, no!

A lot of what keeps me going is that old-fashioned work ethic I had pounded into me by my first-generation immigrant parents, bless them, when I was growing up in Connecticut.

Besides, I am an actor by profession and I love what I do.

Which brings me to this memoir. For years people have been telling me I should write my life story. I always respond, Im just a working stiffwhod want to read about me? That was my attitude for years.

When I became the oldest living actor to be nominated for a Golden Globe (not to mention being the oldest living actor to have won an Oscar), I had a change of heart. All modesty aside, why shouldnt I write my life story?

Ive had quite a run. And since I can still remember most of it, I want to share some of my favorite stories and memories, and maybe give some tips to actors who are just starting out. See, Ive made some great pictures, some good pictures, some not-so-good pictures, and a few out-and-out stinkers. (I have the distinction of appearing in more of the 100 Most Enjoyably Awful Movies of All Time as listed in Razzie Awardfounder John Wilsons book The Official Razzie Movie Guide than any other actorThe Adventurers (1970), The Legend of Lylah Clare (1968), and The Oscar (1966), among them.)

Well, they cant all be gems. But what fun they all were, and every one of them was a learning experience.

Ive died onscreen almost thirty times. Ive been shot, stabbed, kicked, punched through barroom doors by Spencer Tracy and Gary Cooper; pushed in front of moving subway trains, devoured by rats and a giant mutated fish; blown up in spaceships, melted down into a Technicolor puddle, jumped into a snake pit, and I perished from thirst in the Sahara Desert. I bounced around a capsized ocean liner, beat Frank Sinatra to death, impaled Lee Marvin with a pitchfork, and had my way with Raquel Welch.

Any one of those wouldve been worth the journey.

Ive acted in westerns, comedies, war pictures, crime dramas, horror, science fiction, disaster films, and Biblical epics. I once played the head of a Viking clan. Ive been bad guys, good guys, cops, crooks, murderers, mob bosses, western villains, and an Amish farmer. Ive portrayed Asians, Jews, Italians (not much of a stretch), Irishmen, Swedes, and Mexicans.

Hell, I even played Satan once, in The Devils Rain. It wasnt hardI just channeled some of the agents Ive had over the years.

Ive sustained countless injuries over the years and even survived a plane crash. Ive traveled all over the world for my work; stayed in five-star hotels in Europe and in bug-infested huts in South America. Ive been blessed to have worked with some of the greatest writers and directors in film history and almost four generations of stars from Clark Gable and Joan Crawford and Bette Davis to Bart Simpson and SpongeBob SquarePants. Ive seen this business change technologically from the fuzzy photography of live TV to entire movies produced on computers.

I remember when a corned-beef sandwich at Nate n Al Delicatessen in Beverly Hills cost 85 cents. (I dont know how much they are nowcorned beef is on my look-but-dont-touch list.) When I first came out here in 1952, a house in Beverly Hills went for $30,000; today that same house would go for $5 million. Movie admission was 35 cents; today its $10 or even $11; a bag of popcorn was a dime. Today its $5. Once the town made westerns like Shane and The Searchers and The Magnificent Seven and had larger-than-life leading men like Gable and Cooper, Bogart and Cagney, and the tall cowboy everyone called the Duke. Today, I see our so-called movie stars in People magazine and most of them look like they belong on the FBIs Most Wanted List wall at the post office, all tattoos and body piercings.