Steven Price Brown - Riddle of the Waves

RIDDLE OF THE WAVES

For Margaret June and Suzanne

Contents

Im never sure if this part of a book is ever read, certainly not by people who werent involved. So I might be tempted to slip in song lyrics or the odd bit of literary nonsense.

I always think this is the writers version of the Oscar speech, where the teary-eyed recipient stands up and lists the names of people youve never heard of, cracking private jokes to those who probably wrote, dressed, filmed, edited, promoted, fetched coffee, fed, dropped dry cleaning off, looked after the kids, put up with antics, and got paid an absolute pittance.

Well, lets say Im the diva here and the people here are the poor souls who got roped into helping with this book.

Above all I would like to thank Imogen, who had the ordeal of being with me throughout the journey of both the trip and the book, keeping my spirits high when they sagged. Thank you so much. This book is as much yours as mine.

Damaris, Rachel and Aidan for giving me support in the first place and telling me I can write. Hannah for having the confidence to put me in touch with her book contacts.

Janet, Henry, Mari and Lizzy at Bloomsbury who made a daunting thing quite palatable.

Pat, Dennis, Darren, David, Martyn and all those others in the veterans recovery arena who tirelessly spend their time listening to me whine yet have the patience to help men like me become useful again.

Help for Heroes, ABF The Soldiers Charity, Veterans Aid, Combat Stress, Royal British Legion. Thank you.

I have a lot of good friends. For a while I forgot that and luckily I now have them back.

Dean and Dom for understanding about our experiences and getting me home.

Lydia for always giving me safe place to hide from the world.

All from 6 platoon, who know that however long it is we dont speak, there is always a bond.

The guys from Cohort 65/66 who love a pond swim as much as me.

Some key people whose involvement in the project made this happen but who wanted to keep their privacy.

This is not an account of my trip, it is an account of all the crew. I have to thank all of them for putting up with the multiple phone calls from me to check and double-check things, for their honesty in sharing their own personal stories in full graphic detail, knowing that they would go out into wide world.

To all the local people in Cornwall who welcomed me with such open arms and allowed me to finally find a home after many years of wandering.

To those at Turn to Starboard, the staff and volunteers who have quite honestly kept me alive and kept me from being another sad statistic.

To Mike for lending his Rustler Quivira II for guys to sail on when the numbers became to many for just Spirit of Falmouth . Its like lending a Rolls Royce for a road journey.

I have met many people since getting involved with this project. Some came with us on the trip, some couldnt make it, some found it too much of a challenge, but all have inspired me. Its quite humbling to spend time with people who have had huge obstacles to overcome before they can even think of things like happiness and contentment.

And all of this is down to one thing and one thing only: the generosity of the British public, who in the period that I have been involved with both military actions and its aftermath have been nothing but incredible in showing that they do care about their soldiers and the old adage, often attributed to George Orwell:

People sleep peaceably in their beds, because rough men threaten violence on their behalf.

Introduction
The Challenge

The idea was to sail all around the UK on a tall ship, the ones that have no fancy modern winches or motors but instead give a whiff of times past when Britain ruled the waves and tattoos were worn by sailors rather than digital types sipping flat whites. The journey was to be called the Round Britain Challenge, a title that had been carefully considered. It wasnt a race, nor was it an expedition, the former throwing up a multitude of rules and regulations and the latter seeming a bit extravagant. It was to take place in the summer of 2016, and to start and finish at Falmouth, a quiet haven far down to the west of England and a place too far from anywhere to feel anything but quaint.

The ship was to be propelled by sail, and the sails to be raised and lowered with ropes or lines, at the end of which would be us, sweating. Us was a group of military veterans, a ragtag bunch all with a common thread: we wanted to move on with our lives. We had changed from being sharp-seamed, uniform-clad warriors to hoody-wearing civilians and it had not been an easy transformation. We had all been involved in conflicts that had affected us and had tried to deal with them in our own way, usually unsuccessfully. Some of us had spent time living on the streets, others lying in hospital beds, many alone, some silently angry. Through various routes we had found ourselves sailing and it had proved to be incredibly restorative. More importantly, it had put purpose back in our lives. As military types we had the urge for adventure, and ideally it had to be foolhardy and brag-worthy.

The challenge was organised by the military charity Turn to Starboard, the brainchild of ex-RAF squadron leader Shaun Pascoe. Cornish born and bred, he set his charity up in Falmouth, a suitable home for this quiet, positive, capable man. He is one of those guys who enters a room silently, watches, listens and slowly engages, making you feel special, putting a metaphorical arm around your shoulder without compromising your damned macho ego. He wasnt a tall man nor one who relied upon his physical presence to narrate for him. Like almost all of us, grey hair had started to appear at his temples and more so in his stubble. Once you got to know him, his natural mischievousness would surface, but always accompanied by a softness. He was one of the good guys.

To be selected to come on the trip, there had been a process of a kind. The challenge would take two months and spending that time at sea would be a huge commitment: time away from loved ones, from family, from the safety of ones home, from routine, from the things that each of us had constructed around us to create a pleasant, or at least a livable, life. Then there was the matter of what you were letting yourself in for: fixed surroundings, no escape, living in close quarters with people suffering from the effects of time spent in warzones, who can find life hard.

In late 2015, emails were sent out to see who was interested. The first worry was that there wouldnt be enough crew. That worry subsided very quickly in the face of a huge response. Shaun took the decision that if you applied, you were selected, simple as that. As a charity they wanted to help as many veterans as possible, so everyone who showed interest was invited down to Falmouth for a three-day taster session of what they were letting themselves in for. Maybe he didnt realise it, but he seemed to have used the we dont leave anyone behind mentality so often associated with the military.

We were split into three manageable groups for the briefings and the three-day acclimatisation sailing trips. Shaun gave the first two briefings. Everyone assembled in the teaching room, grabbing a hot drink, checking their watches, all making sure they didnt commit the cardinal sin of being late. Each person introduced themselves, some at length, others uttered their name and no more. Some were clearly more self-conscious than others. But when it came to the short sailing trips, all worked hard, helped to cook, kept their bunks tidy. I saw a few really embrace the task, keen to help whenever a sail needed raising. Some, naturally, found it easier than others.