Jessica Holmes - I Love Your Laugh: Finding the Light in My Screwball Life

Copyright 2010 by Jessica Holmes

All rights reserved. The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the publisher or, in case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a license from the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency is an infringement of the copyright law.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Holmes, Jessica, 1973
I love your laugh : finding the light in my screwball life / Jessica Holmes.

eISBN: 978-0-7710-4133-4

1. Holmes, Jessica, 1973. 2. Comedians Canada Biography.
3. Actors Canada Biography. I. Title.

PN2308.H64A3 2010 792.028092 C2010-901571-1

We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program and that of the Government of Ontario through the Ontario Media Development Corporations
Ontario Book Initiative. We further acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts and the Ontario Arts Council for our publishing program.

Published simultaneously in the United States of America by
McClelland & Stewart Ltd., P.O. Box 1030, Plattsburgh, New York 12901

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010934187

McClelland & Stewart Ltd.
75 Sherbourne Street
Toronto, Ontario
M5A 2P9
www.mcclelland.com

v3.1

CONTENTS

For my family and friends, who encourage me to follow
my heart, even when it takes me on crazy adventures.
And for Rad Hajda, who still makes me smile.

Hello. I hope youre having a great day. I sure am. Just this morning I was on my front lawn, sitting cross-legged in my beautiful dress, playing with my adorable children. Scott, my handsome husband, came outside and motioned subtly for me to close my legs.

Me: Oops, was my underwear showing?

Scott: Yes, your underwear, hair, and a pee stain, actually.

Welcome, reader. Welcome to a typical day for me.

Im a writer, mom, wife, actor, and comedian. Im also a perpetual student of life. My learning curve seems to be steeper than most peoples, and even though Im all grown up, I still learn lessons through embarrassing situations on a daily basis. I never thought about putting it all down in a book until a year ago, when my inner muse, the creative voice that inspires my work, went on strike.

Me: Okay, muse, please, please, please help me get started on this sitcom idea!

Inner muse: Uh-uh. I have a surprise for you!

Me: Wow are we writing a movie?

IM: Nope.

Me: A play?

IM: Nope. A book. Youre going to write about your life.

Me: A book about my life? But Ive never slept with an A-list celebrity! Besides, doesnt writing a book in Canada work out to, like, six cents an hour?

IM: Only if youre veeeeerrrrry lucky.

Me: Yeah. I think Ill pass. Time is money, and I need to earn a fast buck so I can hire someone to fix our pipes so our tap water stops smelling like cauliflower.

IM: Book, or nothing.

Me: Argh! Fine. What do I write about?

IM: Your most embarrassing moments.

Me: What!?

IM: And your lows.

Me: Why would I ever do that?

IM: So you can share how you learned that laughter got you through those things.

Me: But I dont laugh through everything. Like, if I lost a foot in a tiger fight, I couldnt laugh about that. Not for, like, at least a week, probably.

IM: So write about how eventually, with a bit of elbow grease, you overcame obstacles and regained your joie de vivre.

Me: Okay. I guess thats pretty cool. But Im going to change the names of people so no one is embarrassed.

IM: Fine, what do I care?

Me: And its not an autobiography. Im not ninety!

IM: No. And youre no Tori Spelling, either.

Me: Yeah. How did she lose that baby weight so fast?

IM: Tom Cruise said a prayer for her.

Me: Really?

IM: No. Are you sure youre a university graduate?

So heres the gist of it: I had a Camelot-like upbringing, then adulthood hit. It hit really hard. And I felt unprepared for the blows life dealt me. As a sensitive and self-conscious person, my problems became too big for me. So I changed to suit the times. I became harder. Stronger. Defensive. And at the cost of only one thing: my laugh.

I only noticed it a few years ago. Scott, my husband, and I were kidding around about something, and I was laughing. Scott said, I love your laugh. The words hit me like a truck because I couldnt remember the last time Id really laughed. My optimism had disappeared somewhere along the way, and I was living protectively, hanging on to anything I could, afraid of what life would take from me next.

Everythings funny, as long as its happening to someone else.

Will Rogers

I wasnt poor, starving, or injured. I hadnt lost a loved one. I didnt have one big problem, just the regular, day-to-day events that we all encounter. But my hypersensitivity to those events wore me down, and I found myself feeling resentful and wary most of the time. Its no way to live, and Id have given anything to get back my youthful navet.

Ive since crawled out of my self-imposed hole. I laugh at lifes oddities instead of waiting for the other roller skate to drop. Sharing my experience was important enough for me to veer away from celebrity-crotch jokes for a year and instead jump into the isolated world of book-writing.

My inner muse and I have had a lot of arguments while trying to get it right. Even agreeing on a title for the book was a struggle:

Me: I Love Your Gas.

IM: No.

Me: Peroxide and Methane: The Jessica Holmes Story.

IM: No.

Me: Katie Holmes: The Jessica Holmes Story.

IM: That doesnt even make sense.

Me: How to Improve Your Laugh Life.

IM: Puns are so 80s.

Me: My Auto-Laughography.

IM: Do you have an inner lavatory I can throw up in?

Me: I Love Your Laugh: Finding the Light in My Screwball Life.

IM: Your ideas are all terrible. Im embarrassed for you.

Me: Um Would you mind forwarding me the resums of a few other muses?

If Ive done my job, this book will make you feel validated, happy, and inspired, and only slightly offended. So now, in fifty-five to seventy thousand contractually agreed-upon words, Ill share my most relevant and ridiculous moments. Here goes everything

Change, personal and political, does not come about in a day, nor a year. But it is our day-today decisions, the way in which we testify with our lives to those things in which we say we believe, that empower us. Your power is relative, but it is real.

Audre Lorde

The three years I spent in prison taught me to hate. Fork fights and throat punches were my pastimes. But thats how it goes when youve raised yourself on spite and envy.