Teresa Cooper - Pin Down: One girls harrowing and disturbing tale of institutionalised abuse

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Table of Contents

Pin Down

TERESA COOPER

Orion

www.orionbooks.co.uk

Dedication

To Deborah, who touched the hearts of those who
knew her and to my three children, who bring me
such happiness.

An Orion ebook

Copyright Teresa Cooper 2007

The right of Teresa Cooper to be identified as the author of this
work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.

First published in Great Britain in 2007 by Orion Books
an imprint of the Orion Publishing Group Ltd
Orion House, 5 Upper St Martins Lane,
London WC2H 9EA

An Hachette Livre UK Company 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

All rights reserved. Apart from any use permitted under
UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced,
stored or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, with
prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case
of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of
licences issued by the Copyright Licensing
Agency.

A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library.

eISBN : 978 1 4091 0595 4

To protect the innocent, some of the names and details in this book
have been changed. All the events described actually occurred.

www.orionbooks.co.uk

This ebook produced by Jouve, France

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank my children, who have seen me through difficult times and kept me strong. Their love and support has been paramount to the mother and person I am today. They are my life and the air that I breathe and I am so very proud of the people they have become. My love is forever with them every step of the way and I wouldnt be here if it were not for their love and direction.

I would like to say thank you to my sister, whom I love dearly, and my brother, and may the future bring them much happiness.

I need to mention my eighteen pets that make my home and life complete in so many ways and fill the house with love and companionship. Not to mention all the antics they get up to, which have been the source of many magical moments for me and my children. Thank you to our vet, who does a great job.

I would like to say thank you to Clare, Amanda, Angela and Lorraine at Orion Publishing, who have been a tower of strength and support, but also for being wonderful to work with and know. Thank you to Orion for their support in bringing my book to you.

In April 2006 I also met Eve White, my fantastic agent, who has been there for me every step of the way including my highs and lows. Your support and amazing character have been exceptional.

A very special thank you to Rebecca, who has worked very closely with me on the book and our friendship is one I treasure. It has been an emotional journey for both of us and one that will not be forgotten. So much emotion went into Pin Down , going through the files and documents, and I couldnt have done it without her.

Jules, my best friend at Kendall House, was there for me not only at Kendall House but also since our recent reunion, supporting me, mothering me, keeping me strong and being my rock.

My warmest thank you and love to the late Mr and Mrs Whattler, who showed me the most sincere kindness and courage during the most traumatic time of my life, and to their family for all their support and care. The love I received from this special family was paramount in my life and one I will always hold dear. I will always be so grateful that the Whattlers came into my life when I was at Kendall House. Many children in the care system never have the opportunity to experience the love and care I received from the Whattlers. I know there are people out there who can give children from broken homes the support they need and work patiently with them to develop their true personality and bring out the best in them.

Much love to all my friends including Chris, Dave, Julie, Helen, Roger, Anwer, Paul, Angela and Jennifer, who have seen me through and been there for me every step of the way.

Thanks also to Church in Society, especially Adrian and David for providing information, files, listening to me when I needed someone to talk to and for their support.

To Rob, my webmaster, who has made the website no2abuse possible and for his continued friendship.

To John Lord for his website www.about-gravesend.co.uk, and for his support, research skills and providing me with photos and information.

To Richard Lord at Gravesend Library, who has been an asset to his profession and contributed his expertise, research and support.

Barnet Local Studies & Archives for providing photos.

To Steve at Chelmsford Library for providing information.

To the Salvation Army for their support and The Benevolent Fund for providing photos.

A special thank you to everyone who has given me support and to survivors of abuse who fight hard to help make changes.

Teresa Cooper
April 2007

CHAPTER ONE

June 1971

Hurry up! Mum yelled.

She grabbed my arm and dragged me up a gravel path leading to a big, old-fashioned house. On each side of the entrance there was a tall stone pillar with a stone ball on top. The house was surrounded by trees and enclosed by a high grey wall.

Clutching my favourite doll with one hand and pushing my toy pram with the other, I tried to keep up as Mum rushed towards the front door. But she was going too fast for me. I stumbled and fell, yelping with pain as the gravel cut into my knees.

Hush, or theyll hear us! Mum said in a forced whisper. Picking myself up, I gulped back my tears and tried to be brave.

At the entrance to the house, she took a piece of paper out of her bag and pinned it to my chest. She gave me a sad half-smile and tears welled up in her eyes. Make sure youre a good girl for your mum, she said. I love you. Always remember that.

I watched in bewilderment as she walked away, leaving me behind on the doorstep. She picked up her pace and started hurrying towards a car by the side of the road. I could just about make out the driver. He had a wrinkled brown face and wiry grey hair. Id never seen him before.

I felt a lump rise up the back of my throat. Mum! I called out, tears streaming down my face. Without turning back, she disappeared into the car and it pulled away, out of sight.

I didnt know what to do. I was used to Mums erratic ways, but shed never left me alone like this before. When would she be coming back? I sat on the doorstep and began to wait, but waiting was boring, so I started playing with the new doll that Mum had given me for my fourth birthday the week before. She was beautiful. I loved her long golden hair and gleaming blue eyes.

I noticed that Mum had left behind a black bin liner shed been carrying. Curious, I peeped inside. It was stuffed with all my toys and clothes. I pulled a few things out and lined them up. At least Id have plenty to play with until she came back. I was used to amusing myself and there was a lot here to distract me.

An hour passed. I wondered how much longer Id have to wait. Suddenly the front door of the house swung open and I heard a voice behind me. Turning round, I froze at the sight of an old lady in the doorway.

Hello, what have we got here, then? she said in a calm, gentle tone.

I put my doll in front of my face. Fuck off, I muttered.

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