Elisabeth Elliot - The Shaping of a Christian Family: How My Parents Nurtured My Faith

A Lamp Unto My Feet

Be Still My Soul

Guided by Gods Promises

Journals of Jim Elliot

Joyful Surrender

Keep a Quiet Heart

Made for the Journey

The Mark of a Man

Passion and Purity

Quest for Love

Path of Loneliness

Path Through Suffering

On Asking God Why

Secure in the Everlasting Arms

Seeking Gods Guidance

Shaping of a Christian Family

A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael

1992 by Elisabeth Elliot Gren

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
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Previously published by Thomas Nelson

Ebook edition created 2021

Ebook corrections 03.31.2022

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ISBN 978-1-4934-3452-7

Scripture quotations labeled KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked JB are from THE JERUSALEM BIBLE, copyright 1966 by Darton, Longman & Todd, Ltd. and Doubleday, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc. Reprinted by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NEB are from The New English Bible . Copyright 1961, 1970, 1989 by The Delegates of Oxford University Press and The Syndics of the Cambridge University Press. Reprinted by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked PHILLIPS are from J. B. Phillips: THE NEW TESTAMENT IN MODERN ENGLISH, revised edition. J. B. Phillips 1958, 1960, 1972. Used by permission of Macmillan Publishing Co., Inc.

Scripture quotations marked RSV are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

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Love the L ORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Deuteronomy 6:57 NIV

The spirit of faith and piety of the parents should be regarded as the most powerful means for the preservation, upbringing, and strengthening of the life of grace in children.

Theophan the Recluse

With love

to

Phil, Dave, Ginny, Tom, and Jim,

heirs with me to the inestimable legacy

of the home I have tried to describe

C ONTENTS

I NTRODUCTION

When my mother was seventy-nine years old, she was asked to write an article for Moody Monthly on training children. Her perspectives as described here seem the best introduction to the story of our family.

Teaching Your Toddler by Katharine G. Howard

A small battle of wills took place between my firstborn son and me. Breakfast was over for his daddy and me. But sitting in his high chair, Phil dawdled with the remains of his milk. He announced firmly, Wanna git down.

Just finish your milk, then you can get down, I told him, not dreaming that this was a crisis.

He sat quietly for a time, then declared, Wanna git down.

Yes, as soon as you finish your milk. We repeated this scene every few minutes for more than an hour. I began to realize that my authority was being tested. Inwardly I determined that he would sit there until he did what I told him. Just how long that would have taken had it not been for the milkman, I do not know. Phil loved to watch the milkman come down the cobblestone street in our suburb of Schaerbeek in Brussels, Belgium, with his little cart pulled by his dog. When Phil heard him coming, down went the milk and he wormed his way out of the high chair in no time.

Years later, during his military service, Phil wrote his father and me thanking us for teaching him obedience. It never occurred to him to disobey an order, he said, but many men tried to get around doing what they were told and consequently they spent a lot of time in the brig.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it is as true today as when Solomon wrote it several thousand years ago. Running ones eye down the columns of any concordance on the words obey , obedience , and obedient gives some idea of the importance of these words in Gods sight. Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams, Samuel told Saul. In order to properly hearken , which is the beginning of learning, one must be obedient.

Training must come before teaching. Before parents can train their children properly, they must first discipline themselves. An orderly home and orderly habits can be accomplished only by agreeing together on these things. Our home ran on a tight schedule. My husband had to catch his commuter train on time, and each child had to finish his duties and leave for school on time. My husband insisted on a leisurely breakfast and family prayers. This is impossible unless the children cooperate. And they dont cooperate unless they are disciplined from their earliest days. This discipline lays the groundwork for teaching.

Praying together for wisdom and standing together on all matters of discipline should be a rule for parents. Older children quickly notice when they can play one parent against the other: If Mommy wont let me go, Ill ask Daddy. He wont know that Mommy has said no. Parents of young children (and older ones too, of course) should read the book of Proverbs frequently and soak up the wisdom given by the Spirit of God.

Arent toddlers too young for serious training? Years ago when our three older children were quite small, my husband and I invited to our home a father of ten children, all of whom had become fine Christian men and women. When we had our three tucked safely into bed, we young parents began to ply our guest with questions on child training. I have never forgotten one thing he said: If you dont get obedience by the time they are eighteen months old, it is too late!

I would hardly say eighteen months is too late to teach a child obedience, but certainly it becomes harder the longer a child is left in doubt as to who is in authority. We hear much these days about not frustrating the child by saying dont. Actually the real frustration comes when he has been naughty and then is not punished. I noticed so often that a speedy application of a switch to little legs cleared the atmosphere. For weeks to come there was no need for further chastisement. We are told that whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth. Unless we follow His example firmly and consistently, are we truly loving our children?

As each of our six became eighteen months old, I found that our wise friend had been correct. When the child begins to crawl and then to toddle, he puts his parents to the test. Does Mommy really mean dont touch? he seems to wonder. Ill just try her out and see! And he does just that.

I recall watching my son Dave as his little son Michael edged toward my gas stove in our kitchen in Florida. He had been pulled away from it and told not to turn on the gas jets. Yet he edged slowly toward the stove, stopping now and then to look at his father who continued to say quietly, Michael, dont touch that. When Michael touched, he found out that Daddy meant what he said. There were hot tears as a result.