Danielle Schaaf - Dont Chew Jesus!: A Collection of Memorable Nun Stories

Sisters were the foot soldiers of Catholic education. Those of us who marched with them are glad we did. Dont Chew Jesus! gives us a chance to relive that journey.

JOHN POWERS

Author of Do Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up?

My earliest memories from kindergarten and all the way through high school were of the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM) from Scranton. I only had one class in all of those years that was not taught by an IHM nun. I have to say that it was the poorest class I had in all of those years since all of the nuns were superb, from kindergarten through high-school graduation. Like so many other students of that time, I am forever in their debt and keep them in my prayers daily for a happy eternity following their wonderful lives on earth.

REV. THEODORE M. HESBURGH, C.S.C.

President Emeritus

University of Notre Dame

Copyright 2006 by Danielle Schaaf and Michael Prendergast

Names not included in the Contributors section have been changed.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

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EISBN: 978-1-941631-38-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Schaaf, Danielle.

Dont chew Jesus! : a collection of memorable nun stories / Danielle Schaaf and Michael Prendergast.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p. ).

ISBN 1-932100-82-2

1. NunsAnecdotes. 2. Catholic schoolsAnecdotes.I. Prendergast, Michael. II. Title.

BX4205.S33 2006

271'.903073--dc22

2006021674

Proofreading by Stacia Seaman and Jennifer Thomason

Cover design by Laura Watkins

Text design and composition by John Reinhardt Book Design

Printed by Bang Printing

Distributed by Perseus Distribution

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To my dearest Publicsmy husband Mark and children Catherine, Andrew, and Alex
D. S.

To my loving wife, Mary Lou, a fellow Catholic-school survivor
M. P.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO shared your memories. Some of you brave souls are identified in this book; many requested anonymity. Still, others are anonymous because we lost contact: e-mails bounced, phones were disconnected, correspondence returned undeliverable, our tape recorder broke down, we couldnt read our own handwriting (both of us were Palmer Method failures, much to Sister Bs chagrin), and our aging memories failed. Mea Culpa.

We are deeply grateful to the nuns themselves. We changed their names to protect their identities, along with those of us not so innocent. Many of the women remembered in the book have passed on. Sadly, a large number of the surviving sisters are retired with little financial support. In that end, we applaud the good works of the nonprofit group S.O.A.R.! (Support Our Aging Religious) and are donating a portion of our proceeds to them.

Special acknowledgment to our sweet flowersRosemary and Rose, a former nun and novice who guided us into the inner workings of day-to-day nun life. We also thank the wonderful folks at BenBella Books: Glenn Yeffeth, Publisher; Jennifer Thomason, Editor; Laura Watkins, Vice-President of Marketing; and Yara Abuata, Production Manager. We treasure your enthusiasm and support for this book. Thanks to Eileen Petrancosta for supplying photos of her and Sr. Mary Louisette, BVM and Sr. Mary Theota, SSND. Recognition goes to Carrie, Colleen, Elizabeth, Jill, Karen, Kris, Maggie, Marina, Maureen, Sara, and Yvonnemembers in a creative and multitalented writing group whose support was immeasurable.

Thanks to our spouses, children, families, and former classmates at St. Lukes. We especially thank our nuns, the Sisters of Mercy. Our memories of them take us back to simpler, black-and-white days of our youth and, in a humorous and sometimes roundabout way, to our faith in Christ and His Church.

Bless us, Father, for we have sinned.

Well, not exactly. But we havent shared the whole story about Dont Chew Jesus! either. Yeah, we realize a sin of omission can bring us a stiff penance but were hoping for full absolution with this confession. By now youve probably figured from the cover that Dont Chew Jesus! is a lighthearted, nostalgic book about Catholic nuns. After flipping through the first couple of pages, youll find the book brimming with anecdotes guaranteed to take readers of a certain age hurtling back in time to a classroom patrolled by women in black (without the shades). But Dont Chew Jesus! is much more than a road trip home. Through hundreds of recollections and memories shared by contributors, Dont Chew Jesus! is a look back at a group of remarkable women and the impact they had on millions of us.

Writing this book was a journey that began more than forty years ago when we stepped through the doorways of St. Luke Catholic School. Thats when we met our first nunand each other. We spent the next eight years in a classroom together, usually sitting close enough to pass notes and whisper without getting caught. Well, most of the time we didnt get caught. We told each other jokes (usually irreverent), quizzed each other on the previous nights homework (which didnt last long since neither of us could read the others handwriting), and chattered on about the nuns (usually not letting the sisters catch on to what we were doing). We didnt realize it at the time, but we were creating memories that would become the basis for Dont Chew Jesus!

We hung on to those memories when we moved on to public high school and then to the University of Florida. A quick passing on campus always came with a story and laugh about the sisters we no longer had as teachers. Decades later, after we went our separate ways and pursued careers, married spouses, and started families, a chance meeting on the street would turn into a stroll down memory lane with the nuns almost right by our side. Dont Chew Jesus! was taking shape.

Creating Dont Chew Jesus! began in earnest in a manner familiar to all those taught by nuns of yesteryear: a group of middle-age former Catholic-school students gathering over a few beers at a class reunion and gabbing about old times. Naturally, talk turned to nuns. Tossing back and forth stories like hand grenades ready to explode, we remembered it allthe good, the bad, and the ugly.

If an evening with friends and a few cold ones could open a floodgate of flashbacks, then we figured there might be a few more memory dams aching to burst. That was an understatement. Were still looking for that little Dutch boy to give us a hand. Just as whenever two or more Southerners get together and conversation turns to cockroaches, the gathering of a two or more taught by nuns sets lips yapping and anecdotes flying. We heard I had this nun one time.... nearly as often as we had heard you cheeky child, you!

We systematically set out to collect stories by speaking before church groups, posting requests on Internet sites, and generating coverage in newspapers and radio. Nearly 400 stories rolled in, mostly from those, like us, who attended Catholic schools before 1970. Non-Catholics had their tales, too, as did several nuns and former nuns. Most were silly, innocuous anecdotes from days gone by but many were poignant memories that left a lump in our throats. Still, others were sad, sometimes scary, recollections that knotted our stomachs and had us sitting on the palms of our hands. Sisters were dedicated, passionate women who touched millions of us in ways we will never forget, and, in most cases, always appreciate. The stories flowed.