John Byner - Five Minutes, Mr. Byner: A Lifetime of Laughter

Five Minutes, Mr. Byner! A Lifetime of Laughter

2020 by John Byner with Douglas Wellman. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

This story is told from the authors experience and perspective.

Published in the United States by WriteLife Publishing

(an imprint of Boutique of Quality Books Publishing Company, Inc.)

www.writelife.com

978-1-60808-234-6 (p)

978-1-60808-235-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020937558

Book Design by Robin Krauss, www.bookformatters.com

Cover Design by Rebecca Lown, www.rebeccalowndesign.com

Douglass Wellman author photo by Alisha Shaw

First editor: Michelle Booth

Second editor: Olivia Swenson

DEDICATION

Ive been fortunate to have a long career in a business I love. Ive met wonderful people and developed enduring friendships, but when it comes to dedicating this book there is a special group I want to acknowledge: my family. I thank my talented wife, Annie Gaybis, for being at my side as a constant source of encouragement (and a lot of laughs). My children, Sandra, Donald, Rosine, and Patricia, are spread across the country, but always in my heart. Im a lucky man.

CONTENTS

The Beatles once said, I get by with a little help from my friends. Well, that goes double for me. I want to thank the following people who helped with the preparation of this book by providing pictures, dates, and a little help when my memory stalled out.

Joanna Carson for pictures and memories of my appearances on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.

Andrew Solt who holds The Ed Sullivan Show recordings, for the use of pictures and research assistance.

Vincent Calandra talent coordinator on The Ed Sullivan Show, for helping me get in touch with some of the people from the show and reminding me of our good times back then.

Steven Alexander friend and computer expert, both of which I appreciate.

Im grateful for your assistance.

John and Nathan Lane from The Frogs.

by Nathan Lane

The immortal Sid Caesar once said, Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth, and you put a little curlicue at the end.

And I suppose if you have enough curlicues, youve got an act.

There are so many comics these days, of all shapes and sizes and ethnic groups and sexualities and genders, in so many venues, from clubs to YouTube videos to podcasts to that perilous domain known as Twitter. So much so that it can be difficult to keep up with all the talented new original voices. Its hard to remember back to when there were only three major networks, and one boffo appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson could possibly change your life.

Let me come back to that.

Its 2004 and the phenomenal director/choreographer Susan Stroman and I were taking on an ambitious project at Lincoln Center Theater. I had always been fascinated by the musical version of The Frogs, which in its original form was the big hit play of 405 BC by Aristophanes. The musical was written by the wonderful Burt Shevelove and the incomparable Stephen Sondheim. They had very successfully and famously collaborated on A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. The Frogs, however, was a very different animalor slippery amphibian, shall we sayand because of its mixture of highbrow and lowbrow comedy, satire and political commentary, it made it an extremely tough nut to crack. In fact, when it was originally done in 1974, in the Yale swimming pool no less, it was not well received.

I wish someone had mentioned that to me.

Steve also said that because of the difficult acoustics, It was like trying to perform a musical in a mens urinal. And I was not only starring in it, but doing a new adaptation of the book as well. What on earth was I thinking? I guess I was thinking I love a good challenge. Not to mention we were in a very politically divisive time in our country. Sound familiar?

Anyway, I had created a dual role for an actorCharon, the pot-smoking, unflappable boatman on the River Styx, and Aeakos, the ancient and hearing-impaired guard at the gates of Hades. My initial inspiration for the part was Tim Conway and his the Oldest Man character on The Carol Burnett Show, which had always killed me. We inquired, but Mr. Conway was on a comedy tour with his best audience and co-star Harvey Korman. I kept thinking the part needed not just a good actor, but a great performer with a history in comedy and improvisation.

And then someone suggested John Byner. Or maybe I suggested him, I cant remember now. But the minute I heard his name, my eyes lit up. When I was a kid, my two older brothers, Dan and Bob, and I would always stay up late and tune in to The Tonight Show if John Byner was the guest. We loved John Byner like he was a sports hero, although I dont really follow sports, but there was no doubt he was a heavy hitter. He always seemed so relaxed and hip and full of fun and mischief. And he could make Johnny laugh. That was a big deal. I mean, really laugh, like prolonged laughter, where he threw his head back and twirled a little in his desk chair in delight.

The only other guests at that time who could make Carson laugh that hard were the legendary Don Rickles and Jonathan Winters. So, John Byner was in very rare company indeed, and it seemed like every appearance he had on The Tonight Show was boffo, at least at our house.

Also, John was, and still is, a sensational impressionist. And whether he was reminiscing about a local parish priest serving mass in Latin, who looked and sounded uncannily like John WayneAw, Dominus vobiscum!or demonstrating the hilarious break in Johnny Mathiss romantic singing voice, or becoming Ed Sullivan on his classic Sunday-night variety show running short on time and rushing everyone through their acts, like the Barzoni Brothers, Italian acrobats cut down to just one Barzoni apologizing in a thick accentIts not the same without my brother!or topping that, Ed Sullivan getting angry on his last show and saying everything he ever wanted to say, especially to the little Italian mouse, Topo Gigio, or memorably voicing the animated show The Ant and The Aardvark, where the ant sounded disturbingly like Dean Martin and the aardvark turned out to be a very excitable Jackie Mason, Johns brilliance always shone through and knocked us out.

Perhaps his best and most popular impression back then was of veteran twentieth-century entertainer George Jessel. Often referred to as the Toastmaster General for his work as a master of ceremoniesThe Al Jolson funeral was widely attended by people just wanting to make surehe started in vaudeville and worked as a comedian and singer for many years. Its difficult to explain someone like George Jessel today. Its like going to the Museum of Natural History and pointing out the differences between the Cro-Magnons and the Neanderthals, but lets just say he was in the Al Jolson and Eddie Cantor category, if that rings a bell, telling ethnic jokes and singing schmaltzy songs like My Mothers Eyes. I realize Ive been dropping a lot of forgotten show business names, but please remember Google is your friend.

To say George Jessel was eccentric is an understatement. He often wore a military uniform on talk shows, maybe because he was the unofficial Toastmaster General, maybe because he used to entertain the troops during the Vietnam War, maybe because his good suit was in the dry cleaners, who the hell knows, and he had enough vocal and facial tics to initiate a set of clinical trials. Not to mention an incontrovertible toupee that looked like a tree monkey had fallen on his head and died of shock. Vocally he sounded a little like the love child of Buddy Hackett and Adam Sandler. Yikes, thats a troubling image I wont be able to get out of my head.