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First published by HarperElement 2020
FIRST EDITION
Kerry Irving 2020
Cover layout design HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2020
All photographs courtesy of the author unless otherwise credited
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Source ISBN: 9780008353490
Ebook Edition: March 2020 ISBN: 9780008353506
Version: 2020-06-08
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- Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008353490
This book is dedicated to all the animals
who have ever helped a human.
They walk beside us when we
are beside ourselves.
Are you ready, Max? If anyones going to help me do this, its you.
The dog sitting at my side looks up and meets my gaze. His tail swishes back and forth across the ground, sweeping pine needles aside. Behind us is the little tent weve just slept in overnight in preparation for this day. In the distance, beyond the forests, crested by snow and looming high against the dawn sky, stands a rocky summit that I hope to conquer.
Once upon a time, the prospect of hiking up Ben Nevis would be something Id just take in my stride. People from all around the world come to this pocket of Scotland to follow the path to the top. Today, it represents something so much more than Britains highest mountain. For me, this is a challenge that until recently Id have considered impossible. It is, I believe, a chance for me to face my fears.
If it wasnt for Max, in fact, I wouldnt be here at all.
Lets go, I say, and so we begin our walk.
Were up so early, theres nobody else around. Early bars of sunshine push through the forest and fall across thepath. Max trots ahead, nose to the ground and with his shoulders moving like pistons, before circling back around with an eye on me. Hes such a watchful dog. Its characteristic of his breed, but theres something special about this Springer Spaniel. Nobody understands me better than Max, or knows the sense of trepidation in my mind as we negotiate a stile and begin the challenge that could make or break me. Alone, it would be very easy for me to just turn around now, head home and say, Yeah, its amazing at the top! and nobody would be any the wiser. With Max here, Im reminded that Id only be fooling myself.
I decided to leave at this time for two reasons. Moving at my pace, its going to take a lot longer than most for us to reach the very top. Every step I take requires care and consideration, while Im constantly braced for a jolt of pain that could stop me dead. Were following the pony track, which is also known as the tourist route. By mid-morning, I could expect the path that begins to zigzag across the mountains lower flanks to fill with hikers and thats the main reason why Ive set out so early. I dont want anyone to see me but my dog. Right now, the last thing I need is for some 75-year-old carrying a big rucksack to go bounding past and then wonder whats keeping a seemingly fit man in his forties from going at the same pace. Part of the problem, I always think, is that I look fine from the outside. In reality, I have to watch every footstep because one slip could lead to searing pain.
Its hard for me to relax, but I never feel under pressure from Max to move faster. Hes off the lead and investigating the path as if to check its safe for me. Hes never beenthe kind of dog to race off, into a world of his own, or to leave me feeling as if Im holding him up. Nor does he stick so rigidly at my side that I risk tripping over him. Thats not what makes him tick and one of many reasons why weve bonded this closely. He gives me space to breathe along with the sense that Im not alone.
Max is here for me, just as Im here for him. Were doing this together because only he understands that if it all goes wrong then I tried my very best. If Im going to fail, Ill do so with just Max. Hes my little friend, my constant companion and guardian angel rolled into one frequently muddy, slightly smelly Spaniel.
We pick our way up the path, clambering over loose stone and steps cut into the hillside. I stop frequently just so I can get my breath and also to enjoy the view. This is something I have thought about doing for some time and its hard to believe Im actually here. As the sun is only just climbing into the sky the temperature is perfect. Its a crystal-clear day, with a freshening breeze that stiffens up as we go. I have supplies for us both, but right now, Max is focused on not dropping his stick. Hes just picked it up from a gulley and I can be sure hell carry it all the way to the top and back down again. Once he commits to something, he never gives up and I remind myself of this as I battle my misgivings about coming so far.
It had taken us over half a day to drive here from my home in the Lake District. The journey turned out to be torturous for me. It was probably the furthest Id gone since my life changed so dramatically several years previously. Behind the wheel, I found that everything frombraking to turning caused shooting pains to travel from my neck and radiate through my back and arms. Max travelled up front in the passenger seat beside me. Its where he chooses to sit and I love having him by my side especially during testing times.
Despite hours of discomfort on the road, I was excited about the trip. Its all about my dog and me. A boys weekend away. It was only after we arrived at the campsite, and I had put up the tent, that the effort of just getting here caught up with me. All I wanted to do was sleep. It was the first time that Max had spent a night under canvas, however. I wasnt even sure hed settle. He sniffed around while I laid out my sleeping bag and his blanket. Then I invited him inside.
Max slipped in without hesitation, curled up as if this was where he belonged, and that was that.
We spent the next day just enjoying short walks through the woodland at the foot of the mountain. I needed to rest, recover my strength and prepare for the climb. I didnt sleep much overnight, but once we had set off and left the pine trees behind us I found that my reservations about this hike started to lift. We have quite a distance to go, but Max isnt just here for the fresh air, sights and sounds. Hes a comforting presence, content for me to move at my own pace and with something in those long looks he gives me that says: Im here for you.