Published by River Grove Books
Austin, TX
www.rivergrovebooks.com
2019 Edition
Copyright 2017 Collier Analytics, LLC
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the copyright holder.
Distributed by River Grove Books
Design and composition by Greenleaf Book Group and Sheila Parr
Cover design by Greenleaf Book Group and Sheila Parr
Cover photo by Casey Chapman Ross
Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.
Print ISBN: 978-1-63299-098-3
eBook ISBN: 978-1-63299-118-8
First Edition
This book is dedicated to my family and friends. They tolerated me before I ran for statewide office, and they seem to be tolerating me just fine now.
As for one friend in particular, Judge Betsy Lambeth, district judge for Williamson County, I hereby except and exclude her from any disparaging remarks I might make about politicians, even Republican politicians. Betsy is simply terrific!
Prologue
Im not the only Texan who drinks cold beer at Mexican restaurants! But when youre running for the office of Texas lieutenant governor, youve got to worry about appearances.
Now, I love Mexican food, beer, and Suzanne. And after eighteen months of nonstop campaigning, Suzanne and I found an evening to celebrate our twenty-ninth anniversary at Chachis, our favorite Mexican restaurant near our home in Kingwood. No campaign staff, no reporters. Just me and Suzanne and the waitstaff, who know us by name. And I was hoping no one else there that night would figure out who I was.
Kingwood is ultra-Republican, so I hadnt done much campaigning there. Only a few of our friends and the Kingwood Democrats (a small club I joined in 2011 when I was thinking about leaving the Republican Party) knew what I was up to.
As Suzanne and I stood behind the bar waiting for our table, we started talking with a woman who was waiting for some friends. We were having fun getting to know each other when, out of nowhere, she asked, So, what do you do?
Uh oh, I thought. Better find a way to change the subject; if she figures out Im running for office, well end up talking politics. Why ruin a perfectly good evening?
I smiled at the woman and simply said, Its a secret.
What a mistake! She almost squealed with delight. Well, now you HAVE to tell me! What do you do?
I turned to the hostess across the room and mouthed, Is our table ready? She shook her head no. I playfully mouthed the words, Help me! The hostess only smiled. Thats when Suzanne nudged me and said with a laugh, Go on, Mike, tell the nice lady what you do!
OK, I said, pausing for dramatic effect. I cleared my throat and declared, I am an accountant!
That should end the inquiry (it usually does).
An accountant? So am I! Thats cool. Who do you work for?
Theres no escape. I turned to Suzanne, who was still laughing. Do we have to do this?
Oh, Mikejust tell her and get it over with.
OK. Here we go. I turned and faced the woman directly. I slowly leaned in. Our eyes were very close. She could see I was about to reveal something provocative.
Well, maamI am a DEMOCRAT!
Provocative indeed! Her reaction was hilarious. Her eyes shot wide open. Her chin seemed to hit the floor. She gasped, then stared, motionless. This woman had never seen a Democrat before! I could almost hear her thinking: Hes a good guy, friendly, looks Republican. But a Democrat? Whats happening here!
I leaned in even closer and whispered my secret: And I am running for lieutenant governor, against Dan Patrick.
The woman rocked back in her chair and virtually exploded. Youre joking, right? Youre running against Dan Patrick? I HATE Dan Patrick! Tell me your name. Can I have a yard sign? Lets take a selfie. My friends wont believe this. They hate Dan Patrick too. This is so cool!
She and her friends dont really hate Dan Patrick, I thought. Its just an expression. Im sure plenty of people hate me, too; you know, the way people hate politicians.
But then the woman told me something Id heard everywhere on the campaign trail. With a sly grin, as though she were being naughty, she said, Im a lifelong Republican, but Im going to vote for YOU!
My response surprised her. Can I put you in my book?
She looked confused. Your what? I thought you said you were running for...
Thats right. Im running for lieutenant governor. But in 2014 I ran for comptroller, and I wrote a book about it called Out of Comptrol: A Converted Democrats Improbable Quest to Save Texas Politics. After the campaign, Im going to update it.
Ooh, I love the title! (An accountant would.) But why do you call yourself a converted Democrat?
Because I used to be a Republican.
That explains it! Why did you switch?
Because the Republicans wouldnt help me.
About then, the hostess signaled our table was ready, so I figured I better wrap things up. I wish I had time to explain, but if you really want to know, its all in the book. After you read it, maybe youll become a Democrat too.
NEVER!
She said it with a big smile, so I figured she didnt mean that either. The conversation had been fun, and she didnt seem to mind that the Democratic nominee for Texas lieutenant governor was drinking beer when he was supposed to be out campaigning. Ill never know if she bought the book. But Ill bet sheand her friendsvoted for me.
Fact is, a lot of Texans crossed party lines and voted for me for lieutenant governor, in a way they didnt when I ran for comptroller four years earlier. I lost that race by a whopping twenty points (ouch!). But I lost the lieutenant governor race by only five. Sure, that kid from El Paso, the one who ran for Texas Senate, had a lot to do with Democrats turning out in record numbers. But voters stuck around and voted for me, too, despite the fact that Mr. Patrick spent $17 million promoting his candidacy. They did it because the problems we face in Texas are piling up, just as I predicted they would. And when Texans realize Republicans cant lead, theyre going to stop voting Republican. Based on the 2018 election result, that day is fast approaching.
In 2014 I quit the Republican Party for good. I sought the Democratic nomination for Texas comptroller because I could see the reckoning coming. Republicans hadnt faced serious competition in a long time, and politics in the Lone Star State had become a Republican versus Republican affair; the only elections that mattered were primaries. Candidates began using false bravado and fearmongering (two ingredients the Far Right finds irresistible) to win primaries. But they refused to actually govern.
Want some examples of false bravado? Were told that Texas creates more jobs than any other state in America. What were not told is that Texas lags on unemployment. The fact is, our unemployment rate is worse than average, which means more Texans are looking for work than in most other states.
Heres another whopper we hear all the time from Republicans: Texas always balances its budget. The truth is, Texas hasnt balanced its budget in decades! We owe more than $100 billionand thats at the state level. School districts owe $120 billion; cities and counties owe billions more. Were so deeply in debt that Wall Street has started hinting at a credit downgrade.
