Peter Shankman - Nice Companies Finish First: Why Cutthroat Management Is Over--and Collaboration Is In

Whats So Great about Being a Nice Guy?

Be the change you want to see.

Gandhi

N ot too long ago I was standing in line at the airport waiting to check in. The whole experience of flying has been severely downgraded over the last 20 years, from glamorous and exciting to dismal and depressing, not to mention inconvenient and uncomfortable. So I wasnt really all that surprised to see the person in front of me, a normal-looking guy in a suit, throw a tantrum that would put an overly tired, sugar-infused three-year-old to shame. I know youve seen this before: Tantrum Guy wasnt getting his way. Didnt the airline rep know who he was? He should get the seat he wanted. Why wasnt he getting bumped up to business class? Everyone at the airline was a jerk. He was important. He had to get to a VIP meeting. The ticketing agent remained stoic during his unconstrained tirade.

The most powerful leaders are almost always the role models for the change they seek.

Weve all been witness to this kind of embarrassment at one time or another. I just shook my head, rolled my eyes, and briefly made eye contact with the agent. None of my fellow passengers perceived problems was the fault of the agent, who was, of course, just doing her job amidst her own problems, like bills to pay, an annoying supervisor, or a kid on the verge of becoming a teenager. Still, Tantrum Guy didnt give a thought to any of this. To him, the agent had ceased to be human and instead became the vessel into which he poured all of his petty aggravations and frustrations. In reality, the agent continued to be patient and polite, and then she dispatched him as quickly as possible, all while he continued to whine and complain loudly.

Well.... That sucked. I smiled as I got up to her. I give you a lot of credit for letting him leave with his teeth. I grinned. I hope your day gets better from here.

Thank you, Mr. Shankman, she said as she smiled back. How can I help you today?

Oh, I just need to check in, and with any luck, you wont have to deal with any more idiots of that caliber today.

And with that I was upgraded to first class.

Lesson number one: it pays to be a nice guy. Second: always stand behind a pompous ass whenever possible. Your niceness will be thrown into dramatic high relief.

Theres no way to institutionalize or corporatize nicenessit comes from the top person and permeates a place.

Let me tell you another story. I have a colleague who worked for a big corporation more than 20 years ago. Thats a lifetime in working terms. She had a boss who could be very cuttingit was a management style that defined her, in fact. She pitted the members of her team against each other so that they often worked at cross-purposes. That was bad enough, but the offhand insults she threw at them were perhaps the most harmful of all. Words sting. Especially when they come from a supervisor.

At any rate, one day my colleague was asked to re-do a report done by a person in another department. She took on the challenge and did her best. I felt very proud of that report, she said. But when I showed it to my boss, instead of sensing my pride and thanking me at least for the effort, she said, Youre not that good at this, referring to the analysis my friend had put into the report. I carried those words with me for 20-plus years, my friend told me. They were always in the back of my mind, even though I had gone way beyond that job. In fact, today she is a very successful consultant whose insightful analysis of markets is in huge demand.

One day I was minding my business, and my old boss wanted to friend me on Facebook, she said. I thought, okay, Im curious. But I couldnt help but be reminded of the way she had treated meand my colleagues. I posted the revelation of how awful it had been on my page, without mentioning her name. Even though she recognized herself and apologized, it seemed very hollow to me. What was more interesting was the many responses I got from Facebook friendshow it resonated. So many of us have been hurt by bosses, people who we want desperately to trust. This isnt an unusual storycarrying around the toxic spew of a bad boss affects too many people. The difference is that nowadays we have the chance to announce it to the world.