Aidy Award [Award - Kinky Wolf

Niko Troika gave up everything, his pack, his best friend, his ability to shift, to ensure the entire wolf-shifter society wasn't exposed. He saved them all from total destruction, but he simply doesn't have anything left to save himself. Under the light of a full moon, he finds his salvation...in her. His one true mate. The one woman whose heart he broke and would never love him again.

Zara's been to hell, and it's filled with greedy wolf-shifters. She wont let anything stop her from her crusade to save anyone else from being driven insane like she was. Not even love.

But the two of them are caught in the middle of a pack war, and something dark and sinister doesnt want either of them to remember who or what they truly are.

Cursed

N iko lay sweaty and naked under the full moon. He stared up at the goddess whod done this to him and cursed her name.

Hed chosen to sacrifice everything to her. Keeping her and all of wolfkind safe were worthy causes. He should have been rewarded with an afterlife of fluffy clouds and mountains of bacon. Instead he had a broken mind and his ability to shift into his Wolf form taken away.

What was he supposed to do now?

Stop fucking feeling sorry for himself, for a start. So he wasnt a wolf shifter. So he wasnt an Alpha anymore and would never lead his own pack into the future. So what if hed given up everything good in his life, including his true mate?

His brothers were safe, mated to their true mates, and each had their own packs now. The Volkovs werent going to pull wolfkind back into the dark ages, and that should be enough.

Hed done more than his duty. Pride in that should sustain him for a thousand years.

Niko's heart beat hard against his chest and his vision tunneled. Doc had said if the darkness swirled, he could just say he was going to think about it tomorrow and then find something else to focus on. Like he was some kind of spoiled Southern belle.

There wasnt a whole hell of a lot that could steal his mind away when the plague of despair infected him. Killing his best friend wasnt something he was going to simply get over. That night haunted him, hunted him, horrified him.

He wouldn't think about that now. He wouldnt think about the Volkovs, Russia, or the tragedy he'd caused right now. He'd think about that tomorrow.

There was only one other memory he could call on to push away the attack of anguish threatening to drown him. He'd retreated into the gentle caress of this oblivion too often, using the warmth he found there like a drug. She was his crutch, a way to numb everything else. He wasn't ready for rehab.

Niko closed his eyes on the night, ignoring the pull of the full-moon, for the brilliant beautiful glow of Zara. Niko let the bright light of the memory take over his mind. The tension in his muscles melted away, the specters of self-hatred receded, all replaced by her.

If only they were both still teenagers. If only he hadn't broken up with her when he left for Russia. He wouldn't think about that now.

His vision of her wasn't fuzzy or marred with age. She was as clear and crisp as 8K television just like she was every time he thought of her. She smiled at him, and he reached for her, needing so much to bask in her sweetness.

Only this time, her smile faltered, a flash of hurt and sorrow crossed her face, and tears flowed from her eyes. Niko reached for them to wipe them away. When he touched their wetness, his fingers were on his own face.

Zara wasnt the one crying. He was. Fuck. Not again.

Instead of reliving his favorite memory of their first night together so long ago, he was back at the battle for Kostas pack. Back to lying on the ground, bleeding, waiting for Zara to recognize him. Seeing her held captive by that asshole, Ramsey Crescent, had nearly ripped his soul from his body. Especially knowing he couldnt do anything to help her.

He was helpless. So weak, so disconnected from everything hed ever known... So alone.

Niko opened his eyes and filled his vision with the bright light of the moon. Even she had forsaken him. The pull of her magic, the urge to shift into his Wolf, pulled on him from deep inside. When he sought out the beast within, it didnt answer.

Niko didnt deserve to have the Wolf any longer. Not since hed abused his Alpha strength and power. Not since Russia. The depths of his misdeeds roiled in his chest and stomach, and he quickly rolled in the grass, hurling bile and acid into the leaves.

He stayed hunched over, dry heaving and gasping for air until, finally, the nausea subsided. It took a few more minutes for the ringing in his head and the cold sweat to recede. He deserved every second of his miserable existence, but he was damn tired of it.

Either he stopped wallowing in this stagnant and deadly misery, or he fucking did something about changing the destructive path he was on. Being the alpha of his pack was off the table. Without his wolf pretty much anything hed ever imagined for his own future was no longer an option.

Fine. But he wouldnt be a drain on the Troikas. He could still be a productive member of the pack. His life would be that of a human now. Humans did lots of things wolves could do, too. Some of his best friends were humans.

Someone he loved was human.

Maybe, just maybe, if he could prove himself worthy, and make himself into a better man than hed ever been a wolf, he could win her back.

That was probably too much to ask.

He would try anyway. He had to. At this point, it was either try to pull his head out of his ass, or wallow in the darkness surrounding him until he died. Real happiness may not be in the cards for him ever again, not with a vital part of himself missing, but winning Zaras heart back and seeing her happy might be as close as he could ever get.

A lump formed in his throat, and he had to swallow down the fear that he could pull the beautiful angel down into his own hell. He would have to guard her from his darkness, not let her see his true self cowering in the hidden places of his mind. Niko would protect her

If she would have him. That was no guarantee. It was a place to start, though.

In slow, measured movements, he got to his feet. One vertebrae at a time, he stood up straight. The light of the moon was brighter now, neither clouds, nor Nikos own dark thoughts blocked the rays calling to his blood. Hed spent his last night as a wolf in her glow, so it was right that he spent his final night before embracing a new human life basking under her as well.

Tomorrow, in the light of day, the full moon would be no more than it was to any other human. No, her light would now symbolize his rebirth as an ordinary, average Joe Schmoe. A Joe who had wrongs of the past to right.

Starting with the woman whose heart he broke.

If he had his wolf, hed sneak over to the hospital where Zara healed from the wounds, both mental and physical, inflicted on her by those damn Bay Pack wolves. He would watch over her in her sleep and make sure no shifter ever bothered her again.