Laura J. Burns - Crave

An imprint of Simon & Schuster Childrens Publishing Division

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the authors imagination, and any resemblance to actual events

or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

First paperback edition September 2010

Copyright 2010 by Laura J. Burns and Melinda Metz

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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Book design by Chlo Foglia

The text for this book is set in Jenson.

Manufactured in the United States of America

2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1

CIP data for this book is available from the Library of Congress.

ISBN 978-1-4424-0816-6

eISBN-13: 978-1-4424-0817-3

ISBN 1-4424-0817-0 (eBook)

your soul holds on to them.

To the memory of our fathers,

Thomas F. Burns and Richard J. Metz

ONE

DREAMS

ONE

SPECIAL [SPEH-SHUL]: distinguished by some unusual quality; being in some way superior.

Heres what it really means: It means youre the kid that nobody wanted to play jump rope with at recess because if you fell and scraped your knee, youd have to miss three days of school. It means youre the girl nobody wanted in the sixth-grade fashion show because your arms and legs were always covered with bruises. It means youre that kid that the teachers gave a lecture about at the start of every school year, a boring and annoying lecture saying that you had to be treated like some kind of fragile glass figurine.

It means youre the freak.

But nobody is allowed to say so. Nobody is allowed to make fun of you, or bully you, or write nasty notes about you. Because youre special.

So instead they treat you like a pet or a mascot or something. You get invited to all the birthday parties. You get elected president of all the clubs. You always have a seat in the cafeteria. People like to be seen with youit makes them feel all saintly and generous. Plus it gets them noticed by teachers and parents and potential make-out buddies. They must be good people if theyre nice to the Sick Girl, right?

Shay! What is up, girlfriend?

Shay McGuire slammed her journal closed. Case in point, she thought as she turned to Olivia. Olivia Willett was Shays best friend. In Shays head, the phrase always had quote marks around it. Best friend. The one you hung out with the most. The one who shared all your secrets and your dreams. The one who was there for you no matter what.

Shay gave a mental eye roll. Olivia didnt really care about her. Olivia hadnt listened to a word Shay had said since seventh grade. Sure, she thought she knew everything about Shayand she did know all about the rare blood disorder Shay had been born with, the disease with a diagnosis that changed every time Shay saw a new specialist. As far as Olivia was concerned, that was what Shay was. Sick. Not creative or strong-willed or addicted to bad reality television. Just sick. As if the disease had robbed Shay of the kind of interior life that everybody else had. That Olivia had.

I think the phrase what is up, girlfriend was officially retired fifteen years ago, Shay told her, leaning back in the cafeteria chair. Around her, the place was emptying. The second bell would ring in two minutes, signaling the start of next period.

I know. Olivia shrugged, her perfect strawberry blond hair sliding along her perfect almost-too-skinny shoulder. Im being retro.

Shay inched her arm over the journal, hoping Olivia wouldnt think to ask what shed been writing.

Youre coming with me. I booked the big study room in the library for you and me and Kaz, Olivia informed her.

Shay almost laughed at her own worry. As if Olivia would ask about the journal. As if it would even occur to her that Shay might have secrets of her own. Sounds like a party, she said dryly.

Bonetto said we could skip class and spend the time helping you prep for the test on Friday, Olivia explained. Since you missed so many days this month.

Translation: I want to spend the next hour with my boyfriends tongue down my throat, so I conned Mr. Bonetto into letting me and Kaz out of class under the pretense that were helping poor little you. Oh, and am I not the best person?

Cool, Shay answered. Its not like she particularly wanted to listen to Mr. Bonetto ramble for an hour anyway. Bio was a joke, even AP Bio. Shed learned more about biology by the time she was ten than Bonetto knew even now. Thats what growing up in hospitals did for you.

Shay pushed a loose strand of her long dark hair out of her eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly stood up. She picked up her stack of books, wincing at the weight.

You okay? Olivia asked automatically.

Yeah. She wasnt okay. She was as weak as an infant. But she didnt want help. As soon as it got to the point when she needed help, it was only another few hours before the total collapse. Before the extended bed rest. Before the next transfusion. And it was only Wednesday. Usually she could make it through a week at school at least. When she was younger, it had been even longer, sometimes three weeks at a stretch.

But now

Im getting worse, a voice inside her whispered. She knew it was true. Nobody ever said it out loud. Her mother and her stepfather still acted as if the cure was only a few days from being found. But there was no cure. And she was getting worse.

Olivia led the way down the hall toward the library, running one perfectly manicured fingernail across the long mural showing the dark waters of the river that their town, Black River, Massachusetts, was named for. Did you hear about Jacey? Olivia asked.

Shay shook her head, sending a snowstorm of cold dizziness through her body.

You wont believe this. She let Brian use Saran Wrap for protection. And the girl is in the honor society. How stupid is that? Olivia snorted.

Pretty stupid, Shay said. She had to concentrate to get the words out. Her brain felt like it had started to ice over.

I know. So of course it came off. And now shes in the bathroom between every class peeing on a stick, Olivia yammered on. Her voice sounded far away, distorted by the rushing sound in Shays head. She stared down at the tile of the hallway, willing herself to put one foot forward. Then the other. No point in thinking about how far it was to the library.