Shannon Hale - The Actor and the Housewife

Contents

In which our story begins

Becky was seven months pregnant when she met Felix Callahan. She was on her first trip to California that didnt include Disneyland, and by a twist of luck, selling a screenplay.

So, you havent found an agent? Annette the producer asked, thrumming through the dozen bracelets on her wrist. She was wearing a striped scarf, hoop earrings, a white blouse, and a shin-length full skirt. The outfit was a little disconcerting in a sleek Los Angeles high-rise, a good three weeks before Halloween, and on the body of a fifty-year-old woman.

Nope, no agent, Becky said. Frankly, I wouldnt know how to get one.

Uh-huh, thats fine. Well just deal woman to woman. Annette smiled, and Becky was reminded of the myth that gypsies carried off babies into the night... or was it a myth? She had a crawly suspicion Annette would claim the life of Beckys firstborn if given the chance. Barring loss of off spring, Becky wasnt too concerned about the details of the contract. After all, what were the odds that a stay-at-home mom from Utah would sell a screenplay in the first place? Why look luck in the mouth?

Heres our boilerplate contract. Just sign the last page, and well get this ball rolling!

Becky hefted the pile of paper. Okay, itll take me a minute to read through.

Mm-hmm, said Annette. Clink-clink-clink went her bracelets. Take your time. Clink-clink-clink. Ill just wait.

Becky tried to sift through the legalese, keeping an eye out for such phrases as the life of your firstborn, but it was a beast of a contract. All the while she was mindful of the diabolical pings of the bracelets, and the gypsy woman staring, staring...

Becky was about to just sign and get it over with when Annettes door opened and in walked Felix Callahan.

According to the celebrity magazine Exclusive!:

FELIX CALLAHAN

Exclusive! heartthrob 14

HEIGHT:

6'0''

BUILD:

British sexy

AGE:

BORN:

Devonshire, England

RESIDES:

London and Los Angeles

MARITAL STATUS:

Happily married (sadly for the rest of us!) to French model Celeste Bodine

MEMORABLE ROLES:

Calvin the sexy pet shop owner in Rattled Cages and Edward the alcoholic pilot in the twisted comedy adventure The Stabbist

BEST FEATURES:

Those dark, bedroom eyes and that kissable dimple on his chin

READERS RATING:

Superfine!

Annette, Felix said, Matthias isnt in, and I need

Whoa, Becky said, because the baby kicked her hard in the bladder.

Felix startled, backing up and nearly falling over a chair.

Sorry, I was whoa-ing because right when you came in, the baby kicked, not because youre Felix Callahan. Oh, you know what it reminded me of ? When Elisabeths baby kicks just as Mary greets her? Isnt that funny? As if I had some spiritual sign when I saw you.

Annette smiled, her eyebrows raised. Felix glared handsomely. Becky stamped down a desire to squirm.

No, its not terribly funny, Felix said, particularly as I have no idea what youre talking about.

Elisabeth, wife of Zacharias, cousin to Mary, mother of Jesus? No? Nothing?

Felix looked at her with a careful lack of amusement.

Oh, maybe you dont have the Bible in England. See, theres this guy named Jesus and his mother is named Mary, and well, its a really interesting read if you dont mind parables.

Okay, Becky was not on her best form here. See, she was trying to be funny to relieve the tension, but the nerves and Felix Callahan and the clicking of gypsy jewelry and all made a mess of her head.

So, do you already know Felix? Annette asked, confused.

Yes, Becky said, because she felt she did know him. Shed watched Rattled Cages an embarrassing number of times. I mean

No, weve never met, Felix said.

Becky couldnt stop a laugh. She faced Los Angeles like an anthropologist in the fieldobserving and taking notes in order to amuse her husband later. Between the producer in gypsy attire and this conversation, Mike was going to be thrilled. Thats true. I just meant that I knew who you... whoa! You must be important! Baby just kicked again hard.

Ah, Felix said. By baby I assume its one in your womb, meaning youre pregnant. That is something of a relief, as I thought that you were just fat.

Becky readjusted her smile to something that felt more caustic. Dont be so hasty. I might be fat too. (Sans baby, she hovered between a size 10 and 12, if you were wondering.) Now that I hear your accent, I realize that you actually are British. What a relief. I had assumed that you were some actor performing a caricature of a British jerk.

Becky did her very best not to wince after saying jerk. Besides being rude, it was just so pedestrian.

Annette stared between them, then rose to her feet, bracelets quarreling. Felix, happy to help you, but Becky here is about to sell me her screenplay and

You know a lot of British people, do you? Felix kept his eyes on Becky, his gaze boring through her skull. Youre an expert?