Melanie Dickerson - Castle of Refuge

To Aaron.

The one I love.

The one who loves me.

Spring 1378

Engleford Castle, Hampshire

Audrey hid behind a tree and watched a knight and his squire riding down the lane. The knight was nothing to look atbushy beard and paunchy bellybut the squire had gentle eyes, a smooth face, and a slight smile on his lips. She would guess he was a few years older than her own fifteen. Tall and slender, his back as straight as a spear, he had dark hair and his skin was appealingly sun-browned.

They were riding toward her fathers castle, no doubt to spend the night. Twilight was falling and travelers often chose to stay, as her father owned the only castle within a half days ride in any direction.

She glanced down at her dress, noting the mud stains across the skirt. Shed get quite the scolding when Sybil, the head house servant, saw her condition. Still a rambunctious girl-child at the age of fifteen. How will you ever get a husband?

Her father would scowl and say, Youre too old for such mucking about. Dont let anyone see you looking like that.

And her older sister, Maris, would snort and laugh at her. Or scream at her and call her ugly names. One never quite knew how Maris would react. She was so changeable, smiling one minute, rageful the next.

Audrey passed the pond where she sometimes went fishing with the stable boy, continuing to the meadow where the wildflowers grew so thick she could pick an apron full in no time. She found one particularly dark pink flower and another unusually deep purple one. She held them up to the sun, pressing their tiny stems between her fingers. The light shone through the petals, lighting them up like a colored star, or like a burst of flame in pink and lavender.

That was what Audrey wished for her life to bea burst of light. An intense color. Something unforgettable.

Her mind pondered this dilemmahow to make her life extraordinary. Some might say she was an insignificant girl, that she could not make her life a flash of intense light. Perhaps she could not, but God had made these wildflowers beautiful, which were here today and tomorrow would be food for the sheep. Could He not do much more for her, even though she was only a girl?

Besides, she liked being a girl. All the better to surprise people when she did something important.

And as a girl, and while she remained unmarried, she had more freedom. If she were a boy, her father would have sent her to train as a knight when she was a young child. Instead, she had been allowed to study all manner of interesting things, read all sorts of books, and Father had even provided her with a tutor. But today her tutor was away visiting his sister.

Now that Audrey had learned all the languages her tutor knewLatin, French, German, and Englishshe was worried her father would send him away. He was not the most genial fellow, but he did enjoy speaking other languages with her, and certainly neither her father nor Maris would ever practice with her or discuss the other things she was learning.

If she were to marry wellsomeone powerful and wealthyshe might have the means and opportunity to make her life meaningful. And yet she also did not want to marry someone who didnt love her or whom she was unable to love. Love had always seemed to be the highest ideal, a noble goal, since the opposite of love was what caused so much evil in life. Besides, the Holy Writ said, God is love. That alone must make it of great importance.

Nevertheless, love alone did not seem to be enough. She wanted to do something extraordinary. Maybe she could teach girls to read. After all, the girls in the villages of England never learned to read. They learned sewing, and if they werent too poor, they might learn embroidery or learn how to play an instrument. But if girls could read, they could accomplish many of the things men were able to do. They could become an alchemist who could turn iron into gold, or a physician who could make sick people well. At the very least they would be adept enough at mathematics that they could own a shop and cipher ways to make a larger profit.

But she kept these thoughts to herself, for she knew people would laugh, scoff, or even get angry with her for such thinking. Maris certainly would, and she imagined Father giving her that severe, confounded look he often gave her. Then he would turn away and ignore her, even though shed just shared the desires of her heart.

She did not know what lay ahead of her, what her life would become, but she wanted to be a bright light, a shooting star, but one that shot up high into the heavens instead of falling to earth.

When she arrived back at Engleford Castle, she went in through the Great Hall, slipping through the door behind her fathers dais. In her apron skirt she carried daisies, johnny jump ups, buttercups, and the pink and purple flowers that grew along the rocky shore.

Audrey stepped from behind the partition. Her father sat at the table with the knight and his squire.

Her father turned, his eyes roving from her head to her feet. He scowled, a harsh look in his eyes. He jerked his head toward the door, and she quickly went back the way she had come, her heart pounding.

He must be angry at the prospect of his guests seeing his daughter looking like a servant girl with mussed hair, muddy skirts, and wildflowers in her apron. She hurried toward the kitchen. Perhaps Sybil would appreciate her wildflowers.

Audrey turned the corner and reached for the kitchen door.

Child! You look like the ditch diggers daughter! Sybil cried.

I picked some wildflowers and

Go get changed, quick!

Why? What

Your fathers all in a fit to get you in front of that knight and his squire.

What? Why? Audreys heart pounded against her chest.

Come. Sybil took her arm and pulled her forward. It was all Audrey could do to keep from spilling her wildflowers.

In Audreys bedchamber Sybil allowed her to spread her wildflowers on her windowsill to dry so she could press them later, while Sybil found her best dress, then helped her change her clothes.

Her stomach trembled as she managed to look Sybil in the eye. Fathers not going to marry me off to that knight, is he?

Not the knight. I think he has a wife. Its the squire. Hes the oldest son of the Earl of Dericott.

An earl. And he was close to her own age. But she wasnt ready to answer to a husband or to have children. Shed miss her wildflower meadow, her dogs, her lessons with her tutor, and her horseback rides to the sea. And what if her new husband turned out to be as cold and angry as her sister, Maris? Or as unfeeling as her father, who rarely looked at her, even when he spoke to her?

Sybil brushed her hair so aggressively, Audrey cried out.

Forgive me. Hold still.

Sybil pulled Audreys hair back into a circlet and covered it with a sheer veil. Then she came around to look at Audreys face. Her own expression relaxed, and she even smiled.

You have grown into such a beauty. Just like your mother.

Maris is prettier than I am. Her sister had flawless skin and large green eyes. Maris had often told her how ugly she was with a disgusted expression and tone in her voice, but then Maris was always saying cruel things, things Audrey wasnt sure she even meant. And she had seen the way the few young men she had met had looked at her. She was not ugly. But Maris was the beauty.

You are very plain, Maris would say, scrunching her whole face, as if she could barely stand to look at Audrey. Your nose is crooked and your eyes are that insipid color of blue that no one likes.

Mariss eyes would go wide as she burst out laughing, an ear-piercing sound, and say, You look like a villein! She meant the poorest of the poor, the people who were bound to her fathers land and must toil very hard from sunup to sundown just to have enough food to stay alive.