For my children Montana and Indiana.
I would also like to thank the following people:
My father Charles and his wife Laura for their support, advice and the peace of their home which enabled me to write some of this book.
My brother Tobey and his girlfriend Alex Lyons, who must have wondered when the trial would end and when they could have their house to themselves again. Their love and support helped me through the ordeal of giving evidence.
My sisters Nicola, Miranda and Julia just for being there, always.
Charlie King who has truly enriched my life and, if I lived to be 150, I could never repay the gratitude I feel I owe him. Anyone who has a friend like Charlie is truly blessed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Christo Lefroy Brooks, whose kindness and generosity cannot be put into words. I will never be able to thank you enough.
Mark Cook for being the rudest, most irreverent friend I have and for making me look good when I felt like the back of a bus. He was a true and loyal friend to Paula as he is to me.
Geoff Weedon, whose help, encouragement and friendship throughout the writing of this book was unwavering and often hilarious. Thanks to him I can now do joined-up words!
The Breakfast Club Girls: Diana Breitmeyer, Mel Waldron, Andy Weedon, Corinna Knowles and Diana Rossiter, who have been my lifeblood and whose unquestioning support is the main reason I am still standing today. Diana B comes in for a special mention for not kidnapping my cats whilst I was away and Mel who looked after my daughter, Indiana, for such long periods I would have forgiven her for thinking she must have adopted her.
Rose and Trevor Downing, who have been firm friends since I came to Devon. Rose for always standing up for me and for giving me a piece of her mind when I needed it and for looking after my dog Boom-Boom for what must have seemed like weeks on end.
Tony Bishop, who had the unenviable task of interviewing me for hours on end and who I hope will become a good friend. Everyone should know one policeman like Bish, hes a top man.
Catherine Mayer for being a friend to me when I needed one. Thank you.
Mel and Anton for their astounding kindness, loyalty, generosity and many a fantastic drunken night and without whom the world would be a much duller place. (PS: thanks for introducing me to Rose and Dot!)
My lawyer Keith Dolan for working so hard on my case all those years ago and my barristers Peter Guest and Jerome Lynch QC.
Anthony Burton, a wonderful friend and an excellent lawyer whose huge kindnesses and help never went unnoticed.
Sue and Rick for being such good listeners and Sue for letting me flirt with her handsome husband.
David Chambers, the Bursar at Blundells School for his patience!
Colin and Evie Diamond, who though far away, are very close to my heart. A huge thank-you from myself and my girls.
Andrew Young, a brilliant barrister and Lisa Pannucci, a fantastic lawyer who worked hard and were unerring in their support of myself, Paula and Tiger. I will always appreciate that and you know how much you mean to me.
Natalia Jedlinski for being my friend and standing by me for the last 30 years, especially when it really mattered.
Davo and Cossi Edwards for being my friends and making me wish I lived in Sydney, just to be near them.
Susie Jackson for dressing me in beautiful clothes when I had no money.
Kevin Hanley, who I cant wait to buy a drink for and who I know was as thrilled as me to hear the news. See you soon.
Susie Aplin, just for being a top girl and because I love her. Maria and Anton for being such good friends and Maria for lending me her apartment, it was the best week I spent in years! And also because she has the best tits Ive ever seen and I just love her.
Andy Rowell, Russell Ferris, Dick Langdon, and even Graham Thurlow who all helped make a very traumatic time a lot easier Well, all except Graham who made me cry and I am still waiting for the written apology and flowers!
To all at Blake Publishing, but especially John and Rosie for seeing the bigger picture and, of course, Michelle and Adam, as this book would not read as well without their efforts. Also Lucian who had to put up with me being grumpy only once!
And most importantly to the two juries in this book for making the right decision both times. I am eternally grateful to them.
CONTENTS
P aula was dead.
I was standing in Sainsburys car park in Chelmsford, Essex. The phone felt like a lead weight in my hand. Tell me its not true, I whispered to Jo Fairley, Paulas oldest friend. It couldnt be: I had spent three hours with her the night before making sure she was OK. She clearly hadnt been.
My head was spinning and my first thoughts were for Tiger, my goddaughter. Michaels sister and mother had tried so many times to get custody of her; with Paula gone, who was going to stop them? I had to get her out of that house and somewhere safe, but what chance would I have against blood relations? I knew I had to get back to London, and even in those first few moments a little inkling of the horror of the next few days and months was beginning to dawn on me
My eldest sister Nicola and my younger daughter Indiana emerged from the supermarket. We were on our way to visit my elder daughter Montana at her new boarding school. I had woken up at seven oclock that morning far too early to call Paula but as we travelled across London my mobile phone had constantly sounded the tune of Waltzing Matilda. It meant that Paulas number was calling, but I was still angry at her from the night before, and in no mood to listen to some feeble excuse or gushing apology. Moreover, I had my daughter in the car and was in no position to use the kind of language I thought was fitting. I would call her when we got to the school, and then we could work out what time I was going to pick her and Tiger up to go to Bobs for Pixies party. But Waltzing Matilda kept ringing and, when we stopped at the supermarket to stock up on tuck for Montana, I gave in and answered the persistent phone call. It wasnt Paula at all, but Jo telling me the terrible news.
In a state of shock, I explained to Jo that I was visiting Monty. As soon as I had seen her and explained the situation, I would be heading back to London. Tiger was safe and with her sisters at Bobs, which was a relief I had visions of the Social Services taking her into care until some legal requirements had been satisfied. I didnt think anyone would remove her from there, at least not immediately.
I called Bob. I told him how sorry I was, and asked how Tiger and the other girls were. He told me that Pixies party was still going ahead, as he did not want the girls to sit around and be morose. He asked me if I was OK, but like me he sounded devastated. There was a silence. I said Id see him later and hung up. I then switched my phone off.
The school looked daunting from a distance. Henry VIII had built the main building as a home for Anne Boleyn, and it was magnificent and imposing. As I drove down the drive, I wanted to cry so badly, but I had to remain calm. I thought how Paula would never again be able to do what I was doing now just a daily routine of going to school to see her children. I was early and the school was at Mass. I met a nun and explained the situation, and she had my daughter taken from the chapel. She was so happy to see me and ran down the corridor with outstretched arms something Paulas children would never be able to do to her again. I took her in my arms and hugged her tight, then pulled Indiana into our embrace. The tears welled up in my eyes, but I still didnt cry.