Harriet Evans - The Love of Her Life

Darling Kate,

Im sorry.

Perhaps one day, when youre grown-up, youll
understand why Ive done it. Relationships are complicated,
thats the truth. Darling, I love you, and your father loves you.
You mustnt blame yourself. You are our little girl, and were
both very proud of you.

You must come and see me soon,

Lots and lots of love,

Mummy

xxx

PS Happy belated fourteenth birthday, darling. I do hope you
like the telescope, is it the one you wanted?
Zoe helped me choose it, so I do hope so. Lots of
love xxxxx

Its not love. Its just where I live.
Nora Ephron, Moving On

Set me a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine
arm; for love is stronger than death.

Song of Solomon, chVIII, v6

New York, 2007

Her father wasnt well. They kept saying she shouldnt worry too much, but she should still come back to London. He had had an operation emergency kidney transplant, hed been bumped right up the list. He was lucky to get one, considering his lifestyle, his age, everything. They kept saying that, too. Earlier, before it was an emergency, Kate had even been tested, to see if she could be a donor. She couldnt, which made her feel like a bad daughter.

It all happened so suddenly. It was Monday afternoon when she got the call telling her it had happened, the previous day, after a kidney miraculously became available. Hed been unwell for a few years now, the diabetes and the drinking; and the stress of his new life, he was busier than ever but how had it got to this, got so far? Apparently he had collapsed; the next day hed been put at the top of the transplant list; and that afternoon, Daniel was given a new kidney. Kates stepmother Lisa had rung the following day to let her know.

I think hed very much like to see you. Lisas rather nasal voice was not improved by the tinny phone line.

Of of course, Kate said. She cast around for something to say. Oh god. How how is he now?

Hes alive, Kate. It was very sudden. But hes got much much worse these last few months. So hes not that well. And hed like to see you. Like I say. He misses you.

Yes, said Kate. Her throat was dry, her heart was pounding. Yes. Yes, of course.

Hes going to be in intensive care for a few days, you know. Can you come next week? You can get the time off at the office, I presume. Lisa made no other comment, but a variety of the comments she could make hung in the air, and rushing in next to them came millions of other guilty thoughts, all jostling for attention in front of Kate till she couldnt see anything. She rubbed her eyes with one hand as she cradled the phone on her shoulder. Her darling dad, and she hadnt seen him for eighteen months, hadnt been back to London in nearly three years. How the hell was this emergency, his rapid decline, was it her fault? No, of course it wasnt, but still, Kate couldnt escape the thought that she had made him ill herself, as certainly as if she had stuck a knife into him.

Out of the window, Manhattan looked calm and still, the grey monolithic buildings giving no clue to the arctic weather, the noise, the hustle, the sweet crazy smell of toasted sugar and tar that hit you every time you went outside, the city she had grown used to, fallen in love with, the city that had long ago replaced London in her affections. Kate looked round the office of the literary agency where she worked. It was a small place, only four full-time members of staff. Bruce Perry, the boss, was in his office, talking on the phone. Kate could see his head bobbing up and down as he violently agreed with someone and what they were saying. Doris, the malevolent old bookkeeper from Queens, who openly hated Kate, was pretending to type but in reality listening to Kates conversation, trying to work out what was going on. Megan, the junior agent, was in the far corner, tapping a pencil against her keyboard.

Kate? said Lisa, breaking into Kates thoughts. Look, I cant force you to come back, but She cleared her throat, and Kate could hear the sound echo in the cavernous basement kitchen of her father and Lisas flashy new home in Notting Hill.

Of course Ill come, Kate heard herself say, and she crouched into herself, flushed with shame, hoping Doris hadnt heard her.

You will? Lisa said, and Kate could hear incredulity and something else, yes pleading in her voice, and she was horrified at herself, at how cold she was capable of being to Lisa. Her father was ill, for gods sake. Dad.

It was time to get a grip and go back home. And so Kate put the phone down, booked a flight for Saturday evening, getting into London on Sunday morning. Then she went into Bruce Perrys office to ask for two weeks off. No more. She wasnt staying there any longer than she had to.

Bruce had grimaced a bit, but hed been fine about giving her the time off. Perry and Co was not exactly the fast-paced business unit it might have been, which is why Kate had got her job as assistant there in the first place. In fact, to the outside eye, but for one author it would seem to be a mystery that they managed to stay in business, employing as they did five people, and with no books sold to any major publisher, no scripts sold to any studio, for years and years, so it would seem.

But one day, seventeen years ago, a middle-aged lady called Anne Graves had arrived in Bruces office with the idea for a crime series set in her hometown in Ohio. And that day Bruce had got lucky, very lucky. It was Anne Graves who kept them afloat, Anne Graves who paid their salaries, for the lunches, for the midtown offices a block or two from the Rockefeller Plaza. Anne Graves, and her creation Jimmy Potomac and his dog, Thomas. Jimmy and Thomas lived in Ravenna, Ohio, and solved crimes together. A flagpole goes missing. The local sheriff loses his golden wedding anniversary present. Some kids make a little disturbance. That kind of thing. The books had sold one hundred million copies, and the NBC series, Jimmy Potomac, now in its third season, pulled in sixteen million viewers a week. When the dog playing Thomas had died, the studio had received five thousand letters of sympathy.

Kate had been the office assistant at Perry and Co now for over two years. She had yet to meet a single person whod read a Jimmy Potomac book.

Where will you stay? Bruce asked. Will you go to your dad?

No, said Kate firmly. Ive Ive actually got a place there. Bruce raised his eyebrows, and Kate could see Doris put down her ledger and look up, intrigued.

Your own place?

Its kind of, Kate told him. She cleared her throat. I part own it. I was renting it out, but theyve just left. Last month.

Good timing, said Bruce, pleased. Thats great!

Yes, said Kate. She wasnt sure it was that good timing, the ending of Gemmas rental lease coinciding with her fathers emergency kidney transplant, but still, look for the silver lining, as her mother was always telling her. She shook her head, still trying to come to terms with it. Wow, she said out loud. Im going back to London. Wow. She bit her thumb. Id better see if I can get hold of Dad, Lisa said hed be awake in a little while

Well, what will we do without you, Bruce said, more for effect than sounding like he meant it. He stood up languidly. Hurry back now!

I will, said Kate, although she was kind of sure she could simply not ever appear again and all theyd need to do after a few weeks would be to hire a temp to filter through the fan letters to Anne Graves. Im sorry to leave you in the lurch like this

Oh honey, Doris said, standing up and coming over. She patted Kates arm. Kate reared back in horror, since usually Doris wore an expression of murderous hate every time she came near Kate. Dont you worry about that. My niece, Lorraine, she can cover for you. Shell do a real good job too, you know it, Bruce.