Arnon Grunberg - Tirza

Jrgen ship's steward is in the kitchen and cuts tuna for the party. With his left hand he holds the raw fish. He uses the knife as he has seen on the course 'Self sushi and sashimi', which he for five years with his wife has followed. Do not apply too much pressure and that is the secret.

The kitchen door is half open. As it is hoped Tirza both. Already a few days analyzes them intensive weather reports, as if the success of its public depends on the weather.

The partiers will be able to take possession of the garden. There will be plants trampled on. Reachout will show up on the wooden stairs that to the living room leads, others are going to hang the 4 garden chairs which has purchased a ship's steward when they have come to live here. And others will penetrate to the small barn where a ship's steward in the past after celebrations often empty beer bottles have been found, glass is half full wine next to the mower, bottles with exotic names around the engine which he saw on Sundays in the spring and autumn the apple tree pruning. A bag of chips that we had forgotten to tear open and that he was on a morning ate without thinking.

Tirza has more often for parties, but this evening is different. Just like life can party fail or succeed. Although Tirza has not said the ship's steward, feels that many of these evening depends. Tirza, his youngest daughter the greatest. Very successful, both inside and out.

The sleeves of Hofmeesters shirt are rolled. In order to protect it against stains he has an apron, that he had ever bought as a gift for Mother's Day. For his do it looks male. Six days he has not shaved. He had no time for. Immediately after the morning he was seized by the thoughts that he had not previously, not to the extent: planning, memories of the children when they could have just creep, ideas to him in the early morning were brilliant. Will he quick shaving. Representative and charming he wants. So will the partiers see him: a man who has lived not for nothing.

He will go around with sushi and sashimi, neatly displayed on a specially in the Japanese shopping purchased plateau. With this or that he will have a chat, between Nose and Lips he will say: 'Try the squid-sashimi.' A itself wegcijferende parent, that he will. The secret of parenting: yourself heroism. Parental love is the sacrifice that is placed in silence. All love is a sacrifice. No one will be slightly to see him. There is also nothing to see him. Some will congratulate him with Tirza's impressive figure list, a single teacher who is invited Tirza will ask him what it is going to do, and he will respond with the plateau in his hand: 'First Time they travel for a while. Namibia. The Republic of South Africa. Botswana. Then she comes back to study.' is an excellent host will he be, a six pairs of eyes at the same time. Not only will the guests of food and drink provided, also the lonely and neglected he will carefully monitor. Those who have no one else to talk to than the own glass or a sushi will by ship's steward to be entertained. The shy partiers he will offer his company. And dancing, there will also be danced.

Ship's steward engages in a bucket is full of lukewarm hot rice, he kneads the rice, and while he is the frame of the kitchen door as if he had never previously worked on this worktop. He sees the flaking paint, a dull place on the wall next to the frame, where once was a shoe that came to his Tirza main had thrown out. They had 'geenstijl'. Or after that it no longer knows for sure. Still lucky that the framework very remained.

He looks at the rice in his hand. The Japanese do it always better. Hofmeesters sushi is form. The surrender with which he kneads surprise him, as he surprised about silliness from its past. The type of silliness that not too much damage is done.

Also he raises a glance at the flaking paint him to his own skin feel. He has a zalfje for, but of is already a coat few days did not come. With the rice in his hand he begins to consider this House, to sell his house, First he takes the idea not seriously, he considers that if on points which will not become reality. Let you freezing after the death and one hundred years later wake up for example. But grows slowly the conviction. The time is ripe for this. How long should he still waiting, and where?

In the past he had such plans rejected straight away. His house was are proud. The apple tree that he himself had planted his third child. The idea house and apple tree of the hand to do if the water him to the lips although he had previously had, but it was not. It was impossible, against natural. Where he had to go with his family? The apple tree could no longer be excavated. He sat in this House, he was on everything. And when friends and acquaintances are not much an intriguing sight on ship's steward knew to say, what happened from time to time, there was always a who said: 'But Jrgen lives in position.'

On position. This was essential for a ship's steward. Had to ambitions in lead. That an address was usually. A certain amount of striving taken possession of him as his street'. As if his identity, everything he was and for which he was, rolled was street name, house number and postal code. Even more than the name ship's steward itself, even more than his professional or the title of Bachelor of Science in which he sometimes for his name was without distorting the truth to do, told us about his post code who he was and who he wanted.

He does not need to attend more on position. That sense that it is no longer necessary, him, while he is a piece of tuna on the rice drap honors, for if a redemption.

He is too old to be released, he told. And if you are too old to be released, you are also too old to attend on position. If the nursing home is only a small decade of you is removed, will this not more to on. He knows people of his age already senile dementia. They have a lot of drunk, though.

Away from this House, away from this area, away from this city, which is everything that he can still think as he searches for the contents of the word "solution". There are people who are waking up in the morning with the idea that there should be a solution to all of this, so it can not continue. Ship's steward is one of them.

The children are the house from or are in the process of the House to go out, his work has repl bleed until a thin occupation furnish details which have nothing more to do with productivity, only waiting. They can go to the east. In the past when he German studied and opinions about expressionist poets proclaimed as if he had known them personally, he was planning to go to live in Berlin and the big book of the expressionist to write poetry. That he can do now. For such a book it is never too late.

He would have been postal code, the impression that his address on some people, miss. The suggestion of managed it sticks. The smell of success. Now his youngest daughter leaves to Africa, he should also but disconnecting its postal code. There is no need for a parent to be attended evening more, no teacher more to be shaken. Who should he still impress?

He must admit that only sentiment and fear of change still bind him to this place. Since a ship's steward at a point in his life is that he ended up in particular need cash and a flight route, a way out, he decides of sentiment and fear not to attract a lot more.

Impetuously the tuna. He cuts So does the sushi master that, Hak, chop, chop. The fish must be the knife welcome it if a friend. He puts a piece of tuna in its mouth. The shrimps are a theeschoteltje to wait for their rice.

This morning he drove to Diemen to do your shopping in the catering wholesale. The raw tuna on his tongue will ship's steward a pleasant sensation. Fresh. Comes to sashimi.