Spurr - How to be a Happy Human : 10 Essential Principles to Change Your Life

Did you think contentment or misery was your lot in life, something beyond your control? Dr Pam Spurr is here to put you in charge, to give you the means to make a choice; to be a little or a whole lot happier. Through her 10 Happiness Principles, Dr Pam shows you what you need to be happy and what you can do to bring, as she puts it, the three Es good emotions, experiences and energy into your life. This is a life-affirming and life-changing book I highly recommend it!

Suzie Hayman, agony aunt, author and Times columnist

For Nick, Sam and Stephie: I love you all dearly youre at the absolute heart of my happiness.

In memory of my late-mother and late-father: you filled my heart with happiness and I carry you with me every day.

For Chris, my mother-in-law: a wonderful woman with an infectious laugh.

To my three older brothers: thanks for the happy times and all those to come.

To my friends: thanks for all the good times we share you can count on me the way Ive counted on you.

www.drpam.co.uk

With heartfelt thanks to the many, many people who have crossed my path and shared their stories with me. From those whove experienced at times profound unhappiness, to those who have at times reached the pinnacle of happiness and in many cases those who have experienced both.

My warmest thanks go to Jeremy Robson and Lesley Wilson for their encouragement to write this book.

Who is the book for?

I have based the 10 Happiness Principles to come on thousands of interviews and conversations with people about what increases their happiness or has brought them unhappiness. On the basis of these conversations, this book is for you if your own expectations of happiness and desire for a happy life have been jeopardised by having felt or because you now feel:

emotionally needy, helpless, hopeless, a fake or a phoney, overdriven to succeed, stuck in a rigid routine, a tendency to beat yourself up, a lack of self-belief, a belief that youre not as good as others around you.

an inability to forge loving relationships, that you have dysfunctional relationships, are undermined/undervalued in relationships both personally and at work.

taken for granted, feeling bullied, and youre not good enough to receive love.

overwhelmed by stress, out of control, experiencing bouts of anxiety, having destructive phobias and fears, loneliness, self-critical or overly critical of others, or any other state of being that youd describe as unhappy.

How To Be A Happy Human will show you another way of feeling and being.

This book is also for you if youve ever experienced or right now feel:

happiness, unhappiness that youve come to understand, joy, contentment, confidence, valued, worthy, successful, appreciated and/or appreciative, needed, optimistic, positive, excited, creative, generally blessed or any other state of being youd describe as happy.

How To Be A Happy Human will enhance these and ensure they continue.

A word of caution

If you suffer from depression or any serious mental illness Im heartened that youre reading How to be a Happy Human as Im sure therell be strategies and suggestions that will help you even in small ways. However I most strongly advise you to see your doctor as you may need counselling, medication or both to help you heal and thats something How to be a Happy Human cannot provide.

Welcome to How to be a Happy Human. Id guess there are two main reasons and probably a million in between them why youve decided to pick up my book: because on the whole you consider yourself to be a fairly happy person but at times question whether you could be happier; or because youve experienced anything from regular bouts of unhappiness to a great deal of unhappiness, and you know that a happier life awaits you.

I know that you can become a happy or happier human. I know this from my own experience and that of others. I have seen the various changes people can make in their behaviour, feelings, expectations and life generally, when they decide they want to be happier. Theyve demonstrated they can have amazing success in taking control and making the right changes, and gaining understanding into their unhappiness and that transforms their lives.

But making the right changes and adopting the right attitudes isnt like a magic wand that you wave and suddenly you find that your life is happier. If that was the case then miraculously overnight all of us would be happier humans. Im not going to feed you a sugar-coated fantasy that youre going to end up happy every minute of every day of your life. No, the changes I know you can make and Ive seen so many people make, including myself, require some thought and effort. But the journey in doing these things is rewarding in itself. Because one thing we forget in the way we live today is that we, as humans, were meant to be challenged not by something that could be considered a hollow victory like learning how to use the latest piece of technology, but in meaningful ways through self-discovery. To discover who you really are and what youre really like and ultimately what makes you happy.

Some of the changes Ill suggest and Ive seen people make apply to the majority of peoples lives, and that includes your life. With a little bit of effort and with the right strategies and suggestions such changes are completely do-able and obtainable. Other changes in behaviour and feelings, attitudes and choices, are unique to the individual who is making them so they can be happier within their own unique life. We can still learn from their stories and Ill include many such stories throughout the coming chapters.

Where its relevant Ill be honest with you in How to be a Happy Human and tell you about changes Ive made to became happier, as well as showing you the insights others have discovered, often through trial and error, and adopted to gain happiness. Im certainly not alone in having experienced unhappiness I suspect you have too and research confirms that presently we humans are experiencing high levels of stress, anxiety and depression that stops us from being happy.

The Happiness Principles

Im also writing this book based on a vast sea of experience: the thousands of people Ive professionally and personally had the pleasure and privilege to meet, talk to, or correspond with about the happiness and unhappiness they feel. Its staggering when hearing the stories of so many different people, from various walks of life, that even though each of their individual tales is different in detail, they still distill into a number of common principles the Happiness Principles, as I call them. These determine their levels of happiness or unhappiness.

People dont realise as they tell their story about being happy or unhappy, or of a happy or unhappy time, that what they describe almost always fits into the themes covered in the forthcoming Happiness Principles. There are common threads to their stories; its simply the details and their individual reactions that are different.

I hope youll seize the Happiness Principles as I introduce them chapter by chapter and make them part of your everyday life. These are the main principles that govern our happiness and can change our unhappiness. Absorb them, use them and reclaim or develop happiness in your life. There are 10 Happiness Principles covering major themes that are central to increasing your levels of happiness and understanding any unhappiness. The principles range from the profound, like why you might fill a painful emotional hole in your heart with alcohol, to the simple, such as why you should treasure yourself each and every day. They range from the serious, like how your parents might influence your happiness