Ichiro Kishimi - The Courage to be Disliked: How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness

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Copyright 2013 by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

English translation copyright 2017 by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

First published in Japan as Kirawareru Yuki by Diamond Inc., Tokyo in 2013

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Atria Books hardcover edition May 2018

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Interior design by Jason Snyder

Jacket design by Albert Tang

Jacket art Elinacious/Depositphotos

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Kishimi, Ichiro, 1956- author. | Koga, Fumitake, 1973- author.

Title: The courage to be disliked : the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness / Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga.

Other titles: Kirawareru Yuki. English

Description: New York : Atria Books, 2018.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018002432 (print) | LCCN 2018009555 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Adler, Alfred, 1870-1937. | Self-actualization (Psychology) | Adlerian psychology. | Conduct of life. | Thought and thinking. | BISAC: SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Happiness. | SELF-HELP / Motivational & Inspirational. | PHILOSOPHY / Free Will & Determinism.

Classification: LCC BF637.S4 (ebook) | LCC BF637.S4 K553513 2018 (print) | DDC 158dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018002432

ISBN 978-1-5011-9727-7

ISBN 978-1-5011-9729-1 (ebook)

This English edition published by arrangement with Diamond, Inc. c/o Tuttle-Mori Agency, Inc., Tokyo through Chandler Crawford Agency, Massachusetts, USA.

Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, and Alfred Adler are all giants in the world of psychology. This book is a distillation of Adlers philosophical and psychological ideas and teachings, taking the form of a narrative dialogue between a philosopher and a young man.

Adlerian psychology enjoys a broad base of support in Europe and the United States, and presents simple and straightforward answers to the philosophical question: How can one be happy? Adlerian psychology might hold the key. Reading this book could change your life. Now, let us accompany the young man and venture beyond the door.

This reading group guide for The Courage to Be Disliked includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.

The Courage to Be Disliked follows a conversation between a young man and a philosopher as they discuss the tenets of Alfred Adlers theories. Alder, a lesser-known twentieth-century psychologist whose work stands up to Freud and Jung, believes in a liberating approach to happiness in which each human being has the power and potential to live a happy and fulfilled life without worry about the past or future. Their dialogue spans five nights, and the reader is invited to journey alongside the youth as he grapples with, fights against, and is ultimately moved by the profundity of Alders wisdom.

The First Night: Deny Trauma

1. Like the youth, do you feel determined from the outset to reject the philosophers theories? Why might that be?

2. the youth says. Do you agree? If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?

3. What equipment do you possess? Assess how successfully, on a scale from 110, you are using your equipment to bring happiness to your life in this moment?

The Second Night: All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

4. Do you find it comforting to hear that it is ? Why or why not?

5. Describe a time when your own feeling of inferiority acted as a kind of launchpad to change or move forward in your life.

6. Do you agree that love is the most difficult life-task? Why do you think so?

The Third Night: Discard Other Peoples

7. Answer the philosophers question: why does one want to be praised by others? ()

8. The philosopher offers the following definition of freedom: How would you define freedom?

9. Do you have the courage to be disliked? Or do you know anyone in your life who seems to? If so, do their relationships or yours seem as the philosopher suggests?

The Fourth Night: Where the Center of the World Is

10. From where in your life do you derive a sense of community feeling?

11. Is your life worth living because you are of use to someone? Consider how we manifest this worththink of the jobs we take, the places we chose to live, or the experiences we accept or decline.

12. The philosopher offers the youth the same advice Adler offered once: That is, to create a meaningful life, a sense of community, it must begin with you regardless of what others around you are doing. How practical do you find this advice? What are concrete ways you might begin to start?

The Fourth Night: Where the Center of the World Is

13. Were you surprised, comforted, and/or fascinated to read that ? How can you actively acknowledge this fact to yourself, as the philosopher suggests?

14. Labor is one way we come to feel useful and worthwhile, and therefore happy. What aspects of your work give you a sense of fulfillment? Do some aspects of your labor detract from your happiness?

15. Share how you plan to cast a spotlight on the here and now. What sort of action plan can you make to focus on living in the present moment?

1. The Courage to be Disliked is a book that instructs readers how to have the courage to live a happy, authentic life. All of the advice of the philosopher hinges on retraining your mind to accept yourself as you are, and in turn to accept others as they are. In order to help declutter your mind, spend some time in meditation with your book club. Turn the lights down and sit in a circle. Together, practice relaxation techniques, including breathing in deeply through your nose and out through your mouth. Visualize your entire body filling with air and then emptying out completely. In the background, play some relaxing music or ocean sounds. Feel yourself relax and prepare to discuss the concepts you find most challenging in the book.