Scarlet Hiltibidal - Afraid of All the Things: Tornadoes, Cancer, Adoption, and Other Stuff You Need the Gospel For

Copyright 2019 by Scarlet Hiltibidal

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-5359-0593-0

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 152.4

Subject Heading: ANXIETY \ PHOBIAS \ FEAR

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible and CSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Also used: New International Version ( niv ), copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Also used: English Standard Version ( esv ), Text Edition: 2016. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Also used: New Living Translation ( nlt ), copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

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Dedicated to Brandon, my best friend, life coach, unpaid editor, Wind Beneath My Wings (why do you make me call you that?), omelette master, and keeper of the best comb-over east of the Mississippi.

Acknowledgments

T here are so many people I am thankful for. First off, Im thankful for Jesus, who is the reason I have anything of value to say. His healing and provision in my life has been a miracle.

Brandon, thank you for loving me. Thank you for listening to all my wordsverbal, nonverbal, text, Google Chat, sleep-talking, loud singing, cry-laughing, laugh-yelling, and aggressive sign languaging. Im thankful that you are attentive to my words on all utilized mediums. Thank you for taking the time to read everything I write and make it better. Thank you for overlooking my flaws, keeping my secrets, fathering my children, and staying married to me even when I make my hand into a puppet and put it right next to your face when youre trying to read your dragon books. Thank you for telling me Im pretty everyday. Thank you for being steady and true in a house full of slapdash swooshing. You are the best person I know and Im so in love with you.

Ever, Dewy, and Joy, being your mommy is the most incredible gift. Ever, thank you for being a kind, fun, resilient, patient helper. Thank you for making me smile and being Jesus to me in the moments Im weak. You are a treasure to Daddy and me. Brooklyn (our little Dewy), thank you for making me laugh every day and for holding my neck while I wrote this book. If I could have made every page of this book blue, believe me, Baby, I would have. Joy, thank you for being magically sweet, for showing me what courage looks like, and bringing us joy every day. I love that I get to be your snuggler and food preparer and tucker-inner.

To my huge, wonderful familymy parents, my grandparents, my in-laws, I love you so much. Thank you for loving me in so many ways, many of which Ive included in this book.

Aubrey, my biscuit, Im so thankful God gave me a baby sister that would grow up to be my best friend. I always wanted daughters because I so loved having a sister. Thank you for being wise and loving and fun and continuing to point your big sister to the unchanging Jesus. You are a treasure to me.

Uncle Jimmy, UJ, you were a bright spot during the years I was confused and fatherless. You made me laugh and loved me and taught me weird-cool things about the string theory and the God particle and being on LA time and aliens, and I just love you. I want to love the kids God put in my life the way you have always loved me.

Janet Yates, you were the first person that made me think I could do this. My love for writing words became a future I dreamed about when you told me you believed in me. Thank you.

Jennifer Lyell, sitting across that big conference table with you when you made this dream come true was surreal. I couldnt quite believe you were even talking to me and I will never forget the things you said, the compassionate counsel, and meaningful encouragement. Im very thankful for you.

To the team at B&H, oh my goodness, you are wonderful. Throughout the process of making this book, I brainstormed possible reasons for meetings, because I just love sitting and talking about Jesus with you. Ashley Gorman, Mary Wiley, Devin Maddox, Taylor Combs, Jenaye White, Michelle Burke, and everyone else, you are the sharpest, sweetest, best team in the world. Thank you for all youve done to make this book happen.

Eric Geiger, your family means the world to mine. Thank you for loving and supporting us for all these years and leading us closer to Christ and into situations that have changed our lives.

To my friendsKatie, Jana, Caroline, I love you. Thank you for feeling feelings with me and letting me do life with you. And of course, Beverly, Jenni, and Kaye. Thank you for being my go-tos when Im having a baby, getting wheeled into surgery, sobbing or laughing hysterically, or noticing an octopus. Christy and Nicole, you are like sisters to me, my forever friends. My grandchildren will know your names (actually, theyll probably know MY names for you, Little Crust and Bump).

To my pastor, Josh Howerton, sitting under your teaching has changed my family forever. Thank you for pointing us to Jesus and for all the Hower-Hilti-Hangs and legendary group texts. Thank you for sending me Tim Keller sermon transcripts that I wanted to use as I wrote this book and for overlooking the GIFs Ive sent you and your family in poor taste. We love you and your people so much.

And finally, thank you to my local gym. You watched my kids while I wrote this book. You didnt judge me for wearing workout clothes while sitting and eating chocolate directly in front of healthy people on treadmills. Or maybe you did judge me, but nevertheless, you watched my kids.

Preface

W hen I got the email from B&H Publishing Group, saying that they wanted to meet with me about publishing this book, I literally dry heaved.

And then, we met. And then, they gave me a book contract. And then, I signed it, right at the kitchen table with my husband while my dirty kids ate mixed vegetables with their hands.

I laughed. I cried. I pinched myself. I pinched my husband. I got onto my daughters for pinching each other. We were all really excited. Writing this book was a lifelong dream.

I basically wrote the first draft when I was nine. Really. Its in the big wooden thing in my kitchen right now. Its forty pages of pure sadness, hand-written on notebook paper. Its kind of hilarious in hindsight, but each page is just one sad, scary thing after the other with a brief respite in Chapter 8. Those pages read, I also have some good things in my life. Like, I hardly ever get sick... and I have lots of friends like a thirty-four-year-old named Harris, Betty Fanning (my moms TV agent), and my grandparents.

And then, back to the worries. Divorce. Dog death. Bad haircut.

I was a broken and scared nine-year-old. I mean, everything scared me. I didnt yet know that Jesus is the only answer. I just knew I wanted to write books. I thought maybe that dream would fix things.

But between scribbling on notebook paper at nine and signing a real book contract at thirty-one, I got to learn that no publishers opinion and no dream come true can give me what I really want.

Somewhere along the way, I learned that Ive always had a deeper dream. Writing about fear could never conquer fear. My heart longed for perfect Love to cast it out.

Before I was a nine-year-old aspiring author, and even before the foundation of the world, I had a need and Jesus had the answer.