April Green [Green - Bloom for Yourself II: Let go and grow

Bloom for Yourself II Let go and grow April Green Also by April Green: Bloom for Yourself A few years ago, I fell apart. And in the process of building myself back up, I learned that you are allowed to leave some pieces behindyou are allowed to become the person you design yourself to be. A collection of notes, and poetic reflections, journaling how I learned to let go of everything holding me back in order to grow into the person I deserved to become. Bloom for Yourself II is a book you can plant in your soul and return to each time you feel ready to let go and grow. Copyright 2018 April Green (loveaprilgreen@outlook.com) All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or photocopying without written permission of the publisher or author.

Cover Artwork: Xavier Esclusa Trias www.twopots-design.com Handwritten Font: Sam Parrett www.setsailstudios.com ISBN13:978-1527230958 ISBN10:1527230953 for tina. for you. for us. wildflower keep unfolding in front of their eyes. (without apology) April Green Bloom for Yourself let go and grow let go Bloom for Yourself II My dear reader Before you even start thinking about letting go of the old lifebefore you allow the light to break free from heavy bones, fragile skin cast behind like shadow please know that the vast and terrifying space of loss doesnt get narrower over time. It doesnt harden or collapse in on itself.

It softens. Depending on what you allow in, it softens, and widens; becomes filled with beautiful memories, new life, magic. If you place flowers therethey will keep blooming for you. April Green - 3 Bloom for Yourself II The exchange Too often, we find so many things to worry about and fight against that we end up unable to even think about letting ourselves grow into all we deserve to become. But growth just cant happen when youre holding onto the past; to fear, to secrets, to denial, or any other kind of resistance. For all of these things make moving forward impossiblelike a ship trying to set sail while anchored to the shore.

Growth happens when your desire to grow becomes much stronger than your pain. It happens with the sudden realisation that you deserve more than what youre settling for. It happens in a momenta moment that may have taken years to flutter quietly into the light of your awarenessbut, its a magical moment, an exchange; where your hands let go of all that their holding, so they can grasp a fragment of air, an inhale, a miracle that changes everything. April Green - 4 Bloom for Yourself II Restoration No-one ever tells you this: you are allowed to rebuild. Its one of those things you work out for yourself when the walls start crumbling, and the words you scratched behind them start rising with the dust; when every inhale becomes a storm turning in on itself, sweeping over the buried life: eyes wide, alive. But, heres the important thing: you dont rebuild with the same piecesyou remove the heavy parts, let them fall away.

Layer by layer. Belief by belief: all the unkind words youve learned and held onto; (even when they fell from the mouth of someone carrying too much pain). The second language of limitation, and guilt, and shame, youve taught yourself to believe, (because its easier to believe). The illusion that youre not quite good enough as you are, that youre separate, that its you against the world, that life will never get better, that this is all there is. Everything. Everything dimming your light, breathing through your cells like a tortured, second self, has to be free.

Because, underneath all that chaos and complexity, you are as fresh, and alive, as a flower in the rain. And thats where you start from, because thats where you bloom from. April Green - 5 Bloom for Yourself II the intention to grow instantly creates a space for your body to step into. but, unless you let go of everything weighing you down, that space dissolves into air like a broken promise. April Green - 6 Bloom for Yourself II The art of honesty I think that when youre entirely honest with yourself, a door opens within, and the light unfolds, and everything painful flies away. April Green - 7 Bloom for Yourself II The wild I live with a constant hunger for the wildand its always just a barefooted step away; like a little tug of gravity, a quiet possibility, that, while the Earth is moving and turning, maybe I could too.

Because I want to be, again, that girl who stood up to the ocean, arms open and fearless; flesh dripping with courage and an inexplicable touch of being free. And I mean free, like the blue air of eternity, like summer all the time, like daisies and dusk, salt and dirt free. Like waking up with sunshine in my mouth and birdsong in my hair, tangled and trembling with the weight of rebellion. And all that light through my bones; white as a feather. April Green - 8 Bloom for Yourself II Wildflowers and rain Something about the thought of starting over: that tiny glimmer of light, a breath reaching out to me, whispering my worth, helped me see that all I had to do was give myself permission to take one step in a new direction, just one step towards a new life. And so, I pressed the scent of fearlessness, of wildflowers and rain, of running and stumbling and falling towards a life ahead of me, into my wrists like a mark of anticipation.

I started to bring back to life that which was once as real and alive as my beating heart. April Green - 9 Bloom for Yourself II the taste of another chance, rising like a promise at the back of your throat, should give you the courage to look more closely at all the things that are causing you pain. we all deserve another chance:not a second chanceanother chance.(the earth gives us as many chances as we need) April Green - 10 Bloom for Yourself II The build-up of pain I think pain builds up in our lives when we take small problems, that we know we can deal with, and we make them bigger ourselves to try and feel more in control. But, all we end up doing is developing a habit of redirecting our focus away from that which scares us the most: the root cause of our pain. But, in my experience, the only way to feel everything (fully) and be free, is to delve into the part of yourself that you dont want to face. Reach into the truth ofwho you really are, because hiding who you are from yourself invites destruction into your life.

But, when youre brave enough to get right down to the root cause of your pain, you start the process of loosening it, unravelling it, freeing it from the core. You unfold the destruction before it folds in on you. You get to take control over all of the pain in your life, because all of the pain in your life comes from the root. And, when you decide to face your truth, then its okay if you dont feel ready to show people who you really are; you have to show yourself first. It takes time. Live with your authentic self, as you are vulnerable, raw, beautiful.

Learn about yourself, breathe your own air for a while, be gentle. The pain will eventually fly from your body. April Green - 11 Bloom for Yourself II An altered state I spent too many years suppressing my emotions; never allowing myself to truly feel them. I was too terrified of the pain the love, the loss, the grief, the wars heaped against my bones, that I never gave myself the chance to experience them all completely; I never gave myself the chance to become altered by them. I labelled each emotion, I just never allowed myself to experience the way in which each emotion moved me. It wasnt until my healing process, that I learned that the fear of feeling an emotion is much more terrifying than the actual experience of feeling that emotion.