Table of Contents
This book is dedicated with love to the four most important women in my life:
My grandmotherEdith Ramsey McManus
My motherJoanna Lakhani-Willard
My wifeStephanie Lakhani
My daughterAustria Raine Lakhani
Also to my brothers:
Bill Willard Jr.
Mike Willard
And my closest friends:
Thomas Ted Goodier
Bill Braseth
Rodney Schlienz
Steve Watts
Ronald John Stukey
FOREWORD
Everyone wants it their way.
You have been trying to persuade people since you were a baby. Crying, smiling, banging your hands on the table. Primitive, to be surebut effective.
Remember the aisle of the grocery store with your mom? Begging for that candy bar? That was persuasion.
Remember high school dating? That was persuasion.
But it seems that after you got your business cards printed, some of the tenacity associated with your persuasion skills has been missing.
Fear not. This book has the persuasion answers youre looking for, whether its sales, service, internal communications, friends, or family.
Getting others to see your perspective, agree with your ideas, do what you want them to do, or just simply agree with you is a skill and a science. And in this book you will learn that skill.
Persuasion is not just a selling skill. Persuasion is a life skill.
Throughout this book you will gently be prodded to change your ways of thinking and interacting with others with regard to everything from what you wear to what your body says. Youll be asked to do things, take actions. And you will do them. What better way to learn persuasion than to see yourself being persuaded, taking action as a result of it, and loving it?
The key to persuasion is to let the other person feel great after he or she has decided to see it or do it your way. In order to accomplish this, there has to be an understanding of how to best persuade.
The easiest persuasion answer is given inside this book: Get others to persuade themselves. This is done by asking questions.
Persuasion is an outcome. The secret of persuasions happy outcome is two words: manipulation free. Manipulated persuasion is short lived. True persuasion exists when it lasts beyond the moment.
Persuasion is an art.
Persuasion is a science.
Persuasion is compromise.
Persuasion is excellent communication skills.
Persuasion is asking questions that clarify the situation.
Persuasion is getting the other guy to convince himself.
Persuasion is reading this bookand putting the principles into action.
Persuasion is an outcome.
Persuasion is a victory.
I did it my way! is not the way that song should have ended. If Frank or Elvis were masters of persuasion, they would have sung:
I did it my way, and everyone agreed with me!
Why not learn more ways of getting others to see it your way?
If you agree with me so far, just turn to the next page....
Jeffrey Gitomer
PREFACE
Leave me penniless and naked in any town in America and by the end of the day Ill have clothes, food, lodging, a way of earning an income, a following, and enough money in my pocket to start again. Why? Because I know exactly how to persuade people to do what I need them to do for both of us to achieve our goals.
Dave Lakhani
Virtually every element of human interaction involves some level of persuasion, but particularly sales, negotiation, copywriting, advertising, and media relations. Many scholars, philosophers, and scientists have explored the process, yet few get it right consistently. They dismiss the fundamental survival requirement of persuasion. Theyve analyzed it as a process that can be used if necessary, but dont understand that persuasion isnt a tool we use optionally; it is one we are required to use in order to survive. The essence of life itself is persuasion, how well we persuade ourselves, how well we persuade those around us, and how we are ourselves persuaded by those who persuade us.
This book began with my first study of the persuasion process more than 24 years ago and has continued to develop since then. Throughout the book I demonstrate how persuasion works in person, in the media, in advertising, and in sales. I also demonstrate specific steps you can use to develop your persuasiveness, charisma, and ability to influence others in order to get what you want. I show you how to incorporate the process into your everyday life so that you are able to influence and persuade effectively and unconsciously. It will become as natural as speaking or walking.
This book is different than any book youve read about persuasion, sales, or negotiation. The differences are profound in several ways. First, it is not my intention to scientifically break down exactly why people make the decisions they do and the psychological methodologies for creating change in people. What I do is demonstrate, in the first section, the difference between persuasion and manipulation. The second portion of the book focuses on the key areas and elements involved in rapid persuasion.
My only real interest (and I believe yours, as well) is to persuade... fast. Therefore, I believe the best way to do that is to give you an overview of the elements and a description of why it is important to you and then dig right into how to make it work for you. Im not going to bother you with a lot of arcane references, only those most appropriate to your success.
Finally, in the third section of the book I demonstrate the Persuasion Equation, which ties it all together and gives you a practical format for quickly persuading anyone. This portion of the book has been described as dangerous and genius alike by those who have attended my seminars and speaking engagements. Quite simply, the Persuasion Equation demonstrates how to apply every technique you learn in the second section of the book in order to move people to your position or to take the action you want them to take. People think it is genius because of the simplicity of the program and dangerous because it is also the very same process you use to manipulate another person. Your intention will ultimately determine whether youve persuaded or manipulated, and if you decided to manipulate someone, whether it was appropriate. Ultimately only you can make that judgment call.
Interestingly, whether you are persuading as a profession or just need to get a date with the perfect man or woman, the processes that I teach you will work perfectly. I have broken down a few areas that I think youll find very valuable. For example, I have included sections on writing, negotiation, advertising, and selling. Those sections will help you understand how to use the process in very specific professional persuasion situations and to improve your ability in each.
I began studying persuasion for a rather unusual reason. I was raised by a brilliant single mother who wanted the very best for my brothers and me. Mom was literate, creative, well spoken, motivated, and focused on a better life for all of us... so she decided to raise us in a religious cult.