Greg Marcus - The Spiritual Practice of Good Actions: Finding Balance Through the Soul Traits of Mussar

Introduction

On May 5, 2013, my cousin Sandy Kaplan died at the age of eighty-two, surrounded by his wife and children. We all loved and admired Sandynot because of his MIT degree or business accomplishments but because Sandy was a great person. There are three reasons I can point to. First of all, Sandy was always there. Whenever there was a wedding, funeral, bar mitzvah, or other family celebration, Sandy was present. In addition, Sandy never had a bad word to say about anyone. He always had a positive, kind disposition, even through lifes difficult times. When I was a graduate student in Boston, Sandy invited me to his home for the holidays and had me sit next to him so I would feel welcome. He was a mensch a Yiddish word meaning a person of integrity and honor.

Would you like to be a person like Sandy, widely loved and surrounded by loved ones when you go? You can be. Each of us has what it takes to be a mensch, and the Jewish practice of Mussar can teach you how.

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

When I was younger I wanted to be remembered as a great personsomeone remembered for all kinds of notable accomplishments. When I was a scientist I wanted to win a Nobel Prize. When I was in the corporate world I wanted to be CEO and to found a company that would change the world. When I published my first book I wanted to be remembered as a best-selling author. Sure, it would be nice to sell a lot of copies of this book and to impact a lot of people, but that is outside of my control.

Fortunately for me, the degree to which I live a spiritual life is almost entirely under my control. Throughout this book Ill share with you how Mussar has helped me uncover my weaknesses and begin to address them. I may even occasionally admit that I have some strengths, although my inability to recognize my own strengths is itself a weakness I am working onwhich brings me to the next question.

How Do You Want to Feel About Yourself?

Today I would like to be remembered as a good person when I die. I would also like to feel like a good person when I come to the end of my life. In fact, I would like to feel like a good person now. Recently, one of my Mussar study partners, a retired mediator, told me how he used to ask his clients, Do you like yoursel f ? He explained to me that if someone doesnt like himself, it severely limits how much he can give of himself to others. So I asked myself the question, Do I like mysel f ? Very quietly, I realized the answer was no. Two days later, as I was getting ready for bed, I was overcome with a feeling of peace and contentment. I said to myself, You are a good guy. All in all, you really are a good guy. The feeling of grace lasted much of the next day. But the following night, I awoke at 2:20 am with a start; I had been having a nightmare. I wont share all of it, but in the end I was being chased by something terrible. Just when I thought I had gotten away, it started moving at super speed and caught me. I woke up, and the feeling of I am okay was gone.

I still dont really like myself as much as I ought to. But those two days of feeling okay showed me that it is possible, and for the first time I understood my true spiritual curriculum: to learn to love myself. Now that is a mission I can get behind.

How I Got Here

My spiritual journey started about ten years ago at an unexpected time and place. At the time my focus was almost entirely secular. I had my dream job, and I thought I was living a dream life. I had a great wife and two young daughters, and I was working at a Silicon Valley company that was literally revolutionizing human genetics research.