Contents
To my four childrenKenzie, Morgan, Mason, and Kael
Your Fathers arms are always open, and so are mine.
Special acknowledgment to Taylor Walling: Whether its writing a song, a sermon, or a book, God has given you a gift with words. Thank you for all of your great help and hard work in putting this book together.
Contents
Chapter 1
THE DISTANT COUNTRY
Quick tip: dont ask the bookstore clerk for directions to the self-help section.
Ironically, youre better off helping yourself find the self-help section. I recently made the mistake of walking into a bookstore and asking where the self-help section was located. The store clerk, initially disinterested and dazed, perked up and stared at me. I think he was trying to ascertain exactly what parts of my self needed help. I started to feel insecure, because I know there are plenty of ways my self needs help.
Finally, he pointed me toward a section in the back of the store that was actually like an entire region. In fact, I would say they had dedicated one-fourth of the store to all manner of self-help guides.
I perused the aisles, discovering new things about myself that needed help. There were titles like How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less , Becoming a Better You , and Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion . It was overwhelming. I fled the self-help section, doubts about my mental and physical health nipping at my heels.
Most of these books promised a new and improved version of my life in a few easy steps. Its hard not to be cynical, because logically speaking, if one of the books worked, the rest of them wouldnt be necessary. But the truth is, self-help books that promise life transformation are everywhere.
An article in New York magazine reported that the self-help movement has mushroomed into an $11 billion industry dedicated to telling us how to improve our lives. The article reported there are at least 45,000 self-help books in print.
Despite these thousands of fix-it guides, most of us would readily admit we still need help. Survey the shelves of our bookstores. The most popular topics: diet and exercise, improving your marriage, getting control of your finances, stress management, and overcoming your addictions. And these books, despite their different topics and titles, have such similar taglines and formulas that when I walked around the self-help shelves, I felt like all the authors had been at the same Mad Libs party:
Follow our (PICK A NUMBER BETWEEN 18) easy steps, and we guarantee you will (INSERT FINANCIAL GAIN, WEIGHT LOSS GOAL, OR RELATIONAL STATUS) in only a matter of (PICK A NUMBER BETWEEN 15) (INSERT A MEASUREMENT OF TIME).
But because we are all too aware that our selves need help, we are often quick to jump on this misery merry-go-round of trying six steps to better our lives and expecting better results.
We know something is wrong.
We even know what we want to change.
Our diagnosis is spot-on, but no medication seems to do the trick.
If you picked up this book because you are trying to help yourself make significant changes, I want to tell you up front that this isnt the book for you. If self could help, then we would all have been fixed a long time ago.
So let me be clear: AHA is not a self-help process. Its the antithesis of a self-help book. What Bizarro is to Superman, this book is to the self-help genre. This journey begins with a rejection of your selfs offer to help.
The Story of AHA
Instead of self-help, we are asking for Gods help, because AHA is a spiritual experience that brings about supernatural change. More specifically, lets define the word aha this way: a sudden recognition that leads to an honest moment that brings lasting change.
I love witnessing AHA. I see it almost every weekend at the church where I serve. I listen to people as they tell about the spiritual awakening they have experienced. In that moment there was a beautiful collision. At just the right time, a persons life collides with Gods Word and the power of the Holy Spirit, and everything changes.
When Jesus taught about this spiritual transformation, He would most often tell stories. AHA cant be fully explained. There is a sense in which it has to be experienced to be understood. So its through stories that AHA is best captured.
One woman told me about how she turned to impulsive eating to cope with life. For her, there was nothing a day could throw at her that she couldnt eat away. A stressful week of work would lead to a weekend of third and fourth helpings. Facing anxiety due to an upcoming project, she would bring home two or three desserts and eat them in one evening. Despite trying every self-help diet and exercise fad, she reached 325 pounds. This seemingly unstoppable weight gain put her at a point of dark depression, which only worsened her eating.
After months and months in the vicious cycle of binging and depression, she realized something: food was never going to fill the emptiness in her heart . She had been trying to satisfy her soul by feeding her stomach.
When she came to church, she heard a message from John 6 in which Jesus described Himself as the Bread of Life. She suddenly realized that she had been trying to make food do for her what only Jesus can do.
That was four years and 170 pounds ago. But the outward change was really just a by-product of the inner transformation she experienced when her life collided with the gospel, and she started looking to Jesus to fill the emptiness of her heart.
AHA.
I was talking to a man whose life had been an ongoing struggle with alcoholism. He tried to make changes many times. He went through numerous self-help programs and had been through the twelve steps. They helped for a season, but he was never really on the wagon long enough to fall off.
Over the years, he realized how much his drinking cost him, but even when he thought hed finally hit rock bottom, things managed to fall even farther. One day he was listening to a sermon, and the pastor was preaching from the passage where Paul says, Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18). Immediately, this truth from Gods Word opened his eyes: he had been looking to alcohol to do for him what the Holy Spirit was meant to do.
When he was down and depressed, he would drink for comfort and peace, but the Holy Spirit wanted to comfort him. When he was feeling insecure, he would drink and feel a sense of security and boldness, but the Holy Spirit wanted to fill him with courage and strength. When he was uncertain about the future and what he should do next, he would drink to help him cope, but the Holy Spirit wanted to guide and direct him in a new way.
AHA.
Though I have heard hundreds of AHA stories over the years, my favorite is the one Jesus tells in Luke 15. Its commonly known as the parable of the prodigal son. Charles Dickens famously called this parable the greatest short story ever told. But while its a parable and not a real-life story, it doesnt mean it isnt a story full of real life. Its almost impossible to read this story without finding yourself in it.
There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, Father, give me my share of the estate. So he divided his property between them.
Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.