Kyle Idleman - The Grace Effect: What Happens When Our Brokenness Collides with Gods Grace

In 2009 I received the following message on Facebook from a man named Wes who was in his early forties:

I dont know if you have any good Facebook stories but I think you might after you read this. Im not exactly sure why, but I feel compelled by God to tell you this story. It goes all over the place... so bear with me.

I have known I was adopted all my life. I was raised in a Christian home by two terrific people who could not have children of their own. Im now happily married and have my own children whom I dearly love.

I never had a desire to seek out my birth parents until a few years ago. I was attending a Christian retreat and one of the speakers was an older man who told about getting his girlfriend pregnant and then secretly giving the child up for adoption. He explained that he had lived with constant guilt that eventually caused him to develop a hard heart and bitterness toward God. One day his daughter contacted him and told him that she forgave him and God did too. It changed this mans life and he spoke of the freedom and the healing he had found.

That story made me think of my own situation. I wondered if it would help my birth parents to know that I was doing OK. I was able to find the name of my birth father and contacted him. It became clear to me that I was right about the guilt and pain that could follow a person after making such a difficult decision. He had never told anyone about my birth. It seemed that it was probably best that I not interfere with his life or complicate things for him.

But then something happened.... One night I was lying in bed with my wife and one of your shows came on. I was already half asleep, but my wife was watching it. Suddenly, I was startled when my wife exclaimed, Oh, my God! Thats your cousin! She was talking about you. She knew a lot more about my birth family than I did because she is the one who did all the research. I didnt believe her but after a little Google search I realized she was correct.

I hope you are not too shocked, but your uncle, David Idleman, is my birth father. I picked you to contact first because as [you are] a pastor I thought you might be used to giving counsel on difficult situations. I know that I also have a sister, but I dont know if she knows about me. I dont want to stir the family pot and create problems or difficult situations, but like I said, I felt like God compelled me to reach out.

When I read that Facebook message, immediately a lot of things made sense to me. I had grown up close to my uncle Dave. He taught me how to slalom water-ski when I was a kid and gave me a few karate lessons when I was in middle school. But as I grew older, I could tell my uncle carried a heavy weight wherever he went. Keeping a secret like that for so many years wearies a man. His eyes often seemed tired to me, worn out, like he was always just getting off a long day at work.

My uncle Dave somehow missed grace when his girlfriend became pregnant. He shouldnt have missed it. He grew up in a church environment and his girlfriends father was a pastor. He shouldnt have missed grace, but somehow it didnt get communicated. Carrying around the guilt and shame of a secret for decades takes a toll on a mans heart.