Cynthia Kane - Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist

Praise for Cynthia Kane's previous book,
How to Communicate
Like a Buddhist

Engaging, clear, practical, honest and wise, Cynthia Kane has done a wonderful job illuminating for us a wise path for enhancing communication and relationships in daily life. Start with the people you're most in touch with and just imagine the ripple effects.

Elisha Goldstein, PhD.
Co-founder of The Center for Mindful Living &
author of Uncovering Happiness

Well-organized, easy to digest, and overflowing with nuggets of wisdom.

Sasha Tozzi,
writer, holistic recovery coach & humanitarian

Praise for Cynthia Kane
from former students

I have noticed numerous changes. The biggest is that more often than not, I am able to pause before thinking and consciously evaluate what I am going to say before I say it! That is a huge deal! In my communication with others, I am also much more aware of when they are responding with default reactions and when they are speaking consciously. I can use these opportunities as learning experiences for my own behavior.

Maria J.

Awareness changes everything. I became aware of how my emotions and communication are intertwined. Good communication = good emotional health.

Luke S.

Cynthia's practices have helped me in several ways. I am more confident in my interactions. I have fewer judgments. I am more present in my conversations. I am more patient and tolerant of others. I think more before I speak. I am more silent in conversations and allow others to finish speaking before I talk. I am in a better mood when I speak to people.

Colleen R.

I was diagnosed with PTSD from my past military service. Now I have the tools to help myself, to feel better about who I am, and to suffer less.

Misty K.

I really feel like this content is life-changing for anyone who takes it to heart and puts it into practice. I thought all of the material was very clearly presented with examples and I knew how to apply it in my life right away.

Matt M.

The course was life-changing for me... The practices Cynthia taught us are so simple yet powerful and easy to integrate into daily life.

Oliver K.

I found the information so very relevant and helpful. With these practices, I will always keep discovering and reaping the benefits.

Ben S.

Cynthia's practices are such a valuable tool for me. Thank you so much for sharing these gems.

Carol F.

I am much more confident in all my interactions. My social anxiety is practically gone! People are opening up to me more and my connections with a wide range of people are growing. I am also getting clearer about my needs and expressing them more effectively.

Barbara G.

Well-thought out and not too complicated. It's easy to incorporate the exercises into daily life without too much effort. Results come easily with Cynthia's system.

Helena B.

Copyright 2018
by Cynthia Kane

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this
work in any form whatsoever, without permission in writing
from the publisher, except for brief passages in connection
with a review.

Cover design by Emma Smith
Cover art by Steinar || Shutterstock
Interior Design by Steve Amarillo

Hierophant Publishing
8301 Broadway, Suite 219
San Antonio, TX 78209
888-800-4240
www.hierophantpublishing.com

If you are unable to order this book from your local
bookseller, you may order directly from the publisher.

Library of Congress Control Number:
2017964300

ISBN: 978-1-938289-70-5
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Printed on acid-free paper in United States of America

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CHAPTER 1
What Is Negative Self-Talk and How Does It Manifest in Our Lives?

CHAPTER 2
Judgment: The Accomplice of Negative Self-Talk

CHAPTER 3
The Middle Path of Self-Communication Overview

CHAPTER 4
The Practice of Listening

CHAPTER 5
The Practice of Exploration

CHAPTER 6
The Practice of Questioning

CHAPTER 7
The Practice of Releasing

CHAPTER 8
The Practice of Balance

T here's no denying it, communication is important! In fact, one could easily make the case that communication is central to being human. While other species on this planet can and do communicate with each other, none do so with the complexity and regularity that we do.

Because of this, much has been written about the art of communication, and a trip to your local bookstore will yield a variety of books on the topic, most with a focus on one particular aspect of communication. Some are dedicated to enhancing how we interact in the workplace, others to our romantic relationships, and still more to our relationships with our family and friends.

But all of these books have one thing in common: they are designed to help you learn how to communicate more effectively with others. When we talk about communication, we normally think about it in relation to everyone elseonly rarely, if ever, do we pay much attention to how we speak to ourselves.

As a communication instructor, I find the lack of attention we pay to how we communicate with ourselves alarming, because what I discovered in myself, and confirmed through working with countless clients, is that there is an unreported epidemic of negative self-talk in our culture today.

The truth is that many of us speak to ourselves in a way we would never speak to a close friend. Some of us even speak to ourselves in ways that we would never speak to our worst enemy! I'm so dumb, how could I do that again? or I'm such a loser are common phrases that people say to themselves, but rarely, if ever, do they voice those words to others.

Statements like this are just the beginning of how we berate ourselves internally.

In this book I will cover the many often unnoticed ways we talk down to, berate, and chastise ourselves. We will look at the instances of our self-talk that are birthed in animosity rather than goodwill. As a simple example to begin this discussion, think for a moment about how many times you've begun a conversation in your mind (or out loud) with a phrase similar to one of these:

I can't do anything right today.

I'm not where I should be in life.

I'm so stupid.

I'd be happier if I just looked more like...

Maybe things would have been different if I had just...

I'm so bad at that.

I never get this right.

These are just some of the ways we start negative dialogues with ourselves, often without even realizing that what we are saying is negative (we mistake many of our judgments for facts!). Yet when we speak to ourselves this way, we set a tone for our day and our interactions with others in the world. It's very difficult to enjoy life and experience things like peace, happiness, and goodwill on the outside when we aren't providing it to ourselves on the inside.

The purpose of this book is to bring awareness to the ways that we talk to ourselvesspecifically, the negative self-talk and the underlying self-judgments that we engage in that cloud our perceptions of ourselves and, by implication, the rest of the world. My hope is that by the end of this book, not only will you be more aware of the negative self-talk that most of us seem to engage in regularly, but you will also be able to spot, identify, and release it effectively.